you cry a little. you die a little.
when hunting down my Bio professor today, Esteban stopped me in Sabin-Reed and said "HEY! Are you lost? You look so happy! You must be new here."
He was sort of right.
I was definitely lost.
I was feeling really happy.
I'm not new @ smith though. I'm a senior!
My happiness must have oozed out of me.
yay.
You know what's sick?
... sometimes I can feel my own happy-glow shine all over me.
I feel like a glazed donut and it makes me even happier!
mmm.. glazed donut. [HOMER!]
i never experienced sadness until... almost 2 ago?
has it been that long? how pathetic.
maybe i've been too sheltered to have lived for 19 years and never experienced true sadness.
but hey, I consider myself blessed!
But since then, I do experience moments of this sadness every now and then.
how do i explain?
two years ago, every part of me died for about a year.
i just died you know?
everything inside of me just wilted.
joy, happiness, faith, excitement.... all these good feelings i always took for granted-- they just shattered.
and they were gone for a looooong time.
im okay now, dont worry.
it took LOTS of time, and LOTS of patience, but time heals all wounds.
i am my normal happy-go-lucky-self now, except... wiser.
Sometimes though... i still am sad.
For maybe a few moments. 5 minutes? 20 minutes? a couple of hours?
But that sadness I feel is deep.
It goes right to the heart.
And for that moment, I'm not sure how or if I ever moved on.