"Groooooove me, baby!"
I'm in a motown kind of place tonight.
Aaaalright, I've been putting this off because I had to do a shift for work and then wasn't in a very write-y mood, but then I was like "hmmm, I best write this out before my leaky brain forgets it" and this is a better use of my time than studying ethics in philsophy anyway.
So, without further ado, here is my outline of what happened when I saw Jon Stewart...
Number one: The man is AMAZING. As my sister told her boyfriend: "It's like the show... only 10 times funnier. And with adult humor." And yes, I'm a pervert and giggled and felt all floopy when J. Stew talked about fucking a tub of country crock and masturbating.
Ahem. Anyway...
He was wearing BLACK, my friends. Not grey! I was almost disappointed. And then felt weird for knowing he only wears grey. And then weirder for fantasizing about Stephen ripping said-nonexistent grey shirt off. Uh... sorry, sorry. Went into la-la land again. So he was wearing a long-sleeved black shirt and khaki pants and GOOD LORD am I stoked that I splurged and got the expensive seats. I could see his face! His actual facial expressions! Sure, there was a giant screen showing close-ups but I could see him LIKE AN ACTUAL PERSON! I almost died of the happy. He looked tired, poor man (I feel his insomniac-laden pain), but still attractive. Luckily my sister has a crush on him too so she didn't think my lusting over the middle-aged man was weird.
Onto the actual stand-up! The highlights of the evening were:
~Someone shouting, "Jew! Jew! Jew!" at him and Jon replying, "Dude, don't chant 'Jew' in Virginia... it doesn't roll here."
~Jon realizing there was a 12 year old in the audience and apologizing profusely after every dirty joke, saying he hoped the kid would recover soon from whatever damages he was bestowing upon him.
~His droopy dog impression of Leiberman. My sister was crying laughing and I was curled up in a hysterical ball. He did it for like... 10 minutes. So amazing.
~The little dance he did to display how his son gets really excited when he gets words right.
~Someone shouting, "JONNY!" from the rafters and Jon pausing and going "Yes? You weren't expecting me to respond, were you? Well, go ahead." There was no reply and so Jon was like, "Haha, THE WIZARD STOLE HIS VOICE! Mwahaha..."
~After he said a string of curse words he paused and went in this old lady voice, "He's not the nice man from the television show..." before doing that giggle of his.
~Him crawling to get to the water bottles that were all the way at the back of the stage.
~Him making fun of the stage and curtains set up, saying that they were obviously the nice plywood and drapes.
~Some girl shouting "I'M A JEW!" at him to which he responded, "This is like a confessional now! 'I'm a Jew!' 'I'm a Jew!' Jesus."
So yes. He's amazing. I really liked being in the college atmosphere because the audience was really interacting with him a lot, although I was surprised by how many 50+ people there were. The same was the case at Merriweather too... just goes to show that Jon Stewart breaches all barriers, generational or otherwise.
Ok, so I gave the highlights. Here's a rundown of subjects he covered:
~The Imus situation (saying that now that Imus is gone, racism has ended)
~How the Tech shooting affected him and how he doesn't get the media reaction (this was amazing and I appreciated it a lot, as I suspect the rest of the audience did)
~His college experience (this included his description of his college roommate as someone who would pee into his closet while drunk and how William & Mary was boring and how no one had ever seen a real live Jew there before)
~How science is going to make the world end (mainly about the particle accelerator in Rhode Island and how the last words ever spoken are going to be, "Hey! It worked!")
~How he doesn't get religion because homosexuality is listed as an abomination along with shellfish ("God hates fags! ...and... scallops.")
~How he's weirded out by how obsessed people are with the "homosexual threat" and how he would get them being defensive about it if a law was being passed saying that homosexual marriage is required (he also went into detail about how he knows he's not gay because the heart and mind can be fickle but the dick is amazingly accurate)
~He said how he understands if the army didn't want any gay people because they were afraid they would A.) not be able to attack the enemy ("I can't do it sargeant. He's just too adorable.") or B.) they're afraid of giving 10,000 gay men machine guns ("Sorry, who you calling faggot?")
~He talked about how much he masturbates... saying that we were basically lucky he was there at all
~He talked about how enthusiastic his son is about everything (hence the dance) and how we learn disappointment (this included a discription of some little girl stealing his son's toy, his son crying about it, and Jon deciding the little girl must die)
~How religions in the minority need to relax and not need to have everyone tell them how special they are all the time, even though he knows it sucks to be Jewish during Christmas ("Hey! The oil lasted longer then we thought it would!" "Merry Christmas everyone, but not to you FUCKING JEWBOY!")
~How being Jewish at a school predomninantly Italian and Polish sucked really badly, especially during passover when all he would have was matzah and eggs
~How his wife brings home bizarro animals that have weird problems, like a dog with two anuses and a cat with half a uterus, and how she springs their issues on him after he's already fallen in love with them
~How he feels bad for cats because they have no leverage due to the fact that they're basically free ("'How'd you get your cat?' 'Uh... I think he just showed up 9 years ago. And never left.'")
~About his cat being in heat and making a bizarre mating call and sticking her ass in the air... which he then demonstrated
~A disgusting story involving his dog having explosive diarrhea and then, um... eating it. And then puking it up. And then eating it. Again. And again. I almost threw up hearing about it.
~How he's technologically inept and confused by how fast it all adavances
~His story about a computer game where he saves the world from aliens ("'HONEY! WAKE UP! I SAVED THE WORLD!!' 'Jon, it's 4 in the morning! Have... have you been playing for 11 hours??' 'But... I... I saved... the world...'")
~How his computer freezed and he freaked out and rubbed his balls on the screen
~And finally, he talked about 9/11. It was really nice because he did it in that... sad/funny/awesome way of his, ending in saying how he knew the world was going to be okay because 5 weeks after it happened, a hobo was jerking off on his stoop.
Alllllright. That about covers it. Suffice to say, I had an AMAZING time and I am now 120% more in love with him. And want to work for him even more.
Oh right. Here's the best picture I got of him on the big screen via my cellphone:
Le sigh. That's what I get for investing in a shitty camera that only has one megapixel and comes out all blurry when the flash isn't on. Stupid security man sitting right near us, depriving me of using my flash!
In other news: I watched The Workout for about 4 hours today. Never have I wasted my time so uselessly. Also, I got a paid account (the no-sleep bunnies got into my brain and made me! Oh, woe is my bank account) hence the revamping of ze journal. Ya dig?
Person of the day: Jon Stewart. Der.
Video of the day: I don't know how to embed this, so here. Scary or funny? You decide.
Song of the day: "Mercedes Benz" by Janis Joplin. This is a kind of weird cut, seeing as it's one of the bootlegs I have. I like the rawness of it, but I always like Janis with little or no accompaniment. I think it's when she sounds most exposed and vulnerable, making her voice all the more cutting.
Quote of the day:
Reporter: How did you find America?
John Lennon: Turned left at Greenland.
~A Hard Day's Night
PS. Join fregg_love for all your Simon Pegg/Nick Frost needs :-)
Aaaalright, I've been putting this off because I had to do a shift for work and then wasn't in a very write-y mood, but then I was like "hmmm, I best write this out before my leaky brain forgets it" and this is a better use of my time than studying ethics in philsophy anyway.
So, without further ado, here is my outline of what happened when I saw Jon Stewart...
Number one: The man is AMAZING. As my sister told her boyfriend: "It's like the show... only 10 times funnier. And with adult humor." And yes, I'm a pervert and giggled and felt all floopy when J. Stew talked about fucking a tub of country crock and masturbating.
Ahem. Anyway...
He was wearing BLACK, my friends. Not grey! I was almost disappointed. And then felt weird for knowing he only wears grey. And then weirder for fantasizing about Stephen ripping said-nonexistent grey shirt off. Uh... sorry, sorry. Went into la-la land again. So he was wearing a long-sleeved black shirt and khaki pants and GOOD LORD am I stoked that I splurged and got the expensive seats. I could see his face! His actual facial expressions! Sure, there was a giant screen showing close-ups but I could see him LIKE AN ACTUAL PERSON! I almost died of the happy. He looked tired, poor man (I feel his insomniac-laden pain), but still attractive. Luckily my sister has a crush on him too so she didn't think my lusting over the middle-aged man was weird.
Onto the actual stand-up! The highlights of the evening were:
~Someone shouting, "Jew! Jew! Jew!" at him and Jon replying, "Dude, don't chant 'Jew' in Virginia... it doesn't roll here."
~Jon realizing there was a 12 year old in the audience and apologizing profusely after every dirty joke, saying he hoped the kid would recover soon from whatever damages he was bestowing upon him.
~His droopy dog impression of Leiberman. My sister was crying laughing and I was curled up in a hysterical ball. He did it for like... 10 minutes. So amazing.
~The little dance he did to display how his son gets really excited when he gets words right.
~Someone shouting, "JONNY!" from the rafters and Jon pausing and going "Yes? You weren't expecting me to respond, were you? Well, go ahead." There was no reply and so Jon was like, "Haha, THE WIZARD STOLE HIS VOICE! Mwahaha..."
~After he said a string of curse words he paused and went in this old lady voice, "He's not the nice man from the television show..." before doing that giggle of his.
~Him crawling to get to the water bottles that were all the way at the back of the stage.
~Him making fun of the stage and curtains set up, saying that they were obviously the nice plywood and drapes.
~Some girl shouting "I'M A JEW!" at him to which he responded, "This is like a confessional now! 'I'm a Jew!' 'I'm a Jew!' Jesus."
So yes. He's amazing. I really liked being in the college atmosphere because the audience was really interacting with him a lot, although I was surprised by how many 50+ people there were. The same was the case at Merriweather too... just goes to show that Jon Stewart breaches all barriers, generational or otherwise.
Ok, so I gave the highlights. Here's a rundown of subjects he covered:
~The Imus situation (saying that now that Imus is gone, racism has ended)
~How the Tech shooting affected him and how he doesn't get the media reaction (this was amazing and I appreciated it a lot, as I suspect the rest of the audience did)
~His college experience (this included his description of his college roommate as someone who would pee into his closet while drunk and how William & Mary was boring and how no one had ever seen a real live Jew there before)
~How science is going to make the world end (mainly about the particle accelerator in Rhode Island and how the last words ever spoken are going to be, "Hey! It worked!")
~How he doesn't get religion because homosexuality is listed as an abomination along with shellfish ("God hates fags! ...and... scallops.")
~How he's weirded out by how obsessed people are with the "homosexual threat" and how he would get them being defensive about it if a law was being passed saying that homosexual marriage is required (he also went into detail about how he knows he's not gay because the heart and mind can be fickle but the dick is amazingly accurate)
~He said how he understands if the army didn't want any gay people because they were afraid they would A.) not be able to attack the enemy ("I can't do it sargeant. He's just too adorable.") or B.) they're afraid of giving 10,000 gay men machine guns ("Sorry, who you calling faggot?")
~He talked about how much he masturbates... saying that we were basically lucky he was there at all
~He talked about how enthusiastic his son is about everything (hence the dance) and how we learn disappointment (this included a discription of some little girl stealing his son's toy, his son crying about it, and Jon deciding the little girl must die)
~How religions in the minority need to relax and not need to have everyone tell them how special they are all the time, even though he knows it sucks to be Jewish during Christmas ("Hey! The oil lasted longer then we thought it would!" "Merry Christmas everyone, but not to you FUCKING JEWBOY!")
~How being Jewish at a school predomninantly Italian and Polish sucked really badly, especially during passover when all he would have was matzah and eggs
~How his wife brings home bizarro animals that have weird problems, like a dog with two anuses and a cat with half a uterus, and how she springs their issues on him after he's already fallen in love with them
~How he feels bad for cats because they have no leverage due to the fact that they're basically free ("'How'd you get your cat?' 'Uh... I think he just showed up 9 years ago. And never left.'")
~About his cat being in heat and making a bizarre mating call and sticking her ass in the air... which he then demonstrated
~A disgusting story involving his dog having explosive diarrhea and then, um... eating it. And then puking it up. And then eating it. Again. And again. I almost threw up hearing about it.
~How he's technologically inept and confused by how fast it all adavances
~His story about a computer game where he saves the world from aliens ("'HONEY! WAKE UP! I SAVED THE WORLD!!' 'Jon, it's 4 in the morning! Have... have you been playing for 11 hours??' 'But... I... I saved... the world...'")
~How his computer freezed and he freaked out and rubbed his balls on the screen
~And finally, he talked about 9/11. It was really nice because he did it in that... sad/funny/awesome way of his, ending in saying how he knew the world was going to be okay because 5 weeks after it happened, a hobo was jerking off on his stoop.
Alllllright. That about covers it. Suffice to say, I had an AMAZING time and I am now 120% more in love with him. And want to work for him even more.
Oh right. Here's the best picture I got of him on the big screen via my cellphone:
Le sigh. That's what I get for investing in a shitty camera that only has one megapixel and comes out all blurry when the flash isn't on. Stupid security man sitting right near us, depriving me of using my flash!
In other news: I watched The Workout for about 4 hours today. Never have I wasted my time so uselessly. Also, I got a paid account (the no-sleep bunnies got into my brain and made me! Oh, woe is my bank account) hence the revamping of ze journal. Ya dig?
Person of the day: Jon Stewart. Der.
Video of the day: I don't know how to embed this, so here. Scary or funny? You decide.
Song of the day: "Mercedes Benz" by Janis Joplin. This is a kind of weird cut, seeing as it's one of the bootlegs I have. I like the rawness of it, but I always like Janis with little or no accompaniment. I think it's when she sounds most exposed and vulnerable, making her voice all the more cutting.
Quote of the day:
Reporter: How did you find America?
John Lennon: Turned left at Greenland.
~A Hard Day's Night
PS. Join fregg_love for all your Simon Pegg/Nick Frost needs :-)