The Dance - Chapter 16: Start Me Up
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Genre & Rating: Canon/AU, R for smex and a definitely dirty use of leather.
Disclaimer: Jack and Ennis were created by the Great and Mighty Annie Proulx. I'm just the dude behind the yellow curtain working the lights and using the Big Voice microphone.
Summary: This is the continuation of The Package, and takes place after Ennis and Alma's divorce. Ennis has moved to Kansas and is trying to find a way for him and Jack to be together. The road is bumpy and uneven but each small step brings both Jack and Ennis closer to the dance. Prior chapters are here.
Thanks: To my betas, Elizabeth and Christine, who, I believe are enjoying their beta floggers way too much. Thanks for not letting me take the easy way out. A special thank you as well, to all the authors I beta for:
poppyhoney_67 ,
noreins , and
fizzerbass . Thanks for letting me put your stories on the backburner while I whip this bitch into shape.
Dedication: To
babytammy , who gives so much, even though she is dealing with a loss. You always manage to brighten my day, even though you, yourself, are in darkness. Stay strong, dear one.
The Dance - Chapter 16: Start Me Up
Start Me Up (Jagger/Richards)
If you start me up
If you start me up I'll never stop
If you start me up
If you start me up I'll never stop
I've been running hot
You got me ticking gonna blow my top
If you start me up
If you start me up I'll never stop
You make a grown man cry
Spread out the oil, the gasoline
I walk smooth, ride in a mean, mean machine…
If you start it up
Kick on the starter give it all you got, you got, you got
I can't compete with the riders in the other heats
If you rough it up
If you like it you can slide it up, slide it up…
You make a grown man cry
Ride like the wind at double speed
I'll take you places that you've never, never seen
Start it up
Love the day when we will never stop, never stop
Never stop, never stop
Tough me up
Never stop, never stop, never stop
You, you, you make a grown man cry
You, you make a dead man come
You, you make a dead man come
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He woke up to tangled sheets, a broken-in bed, and a dent in the pillow beside him the size of his man’s head. His eyes fluttered open and his sleepy gaze fell on a single solitary curl that glimmered like spun gold on the plain white pillowcase matching the plain white sheets on Ennis’ bed. No stripes or polka dots for his cowboy, no sir. Just simple, ordinary, run-of-the-mill white.
He reached out carefully and stroked the curl on the pillow, light as a feather, although he could still feel the silkiness of it. He smiled softly when it wound itself around his finger. Don’t know about that, Del Mar. I’m more inclined to think I’m wrapped around your finger.
He stretched slightly and squinted at the light coming in through the window. Damn. Probably almost ten o’clock. Ennis must’ve been up for almost six hours already. He’d told Ennis he’d help some with the chores but his soft living in Texas had taken some of the farm-country-Wyoming out of him. Sure, he’d done some hard driving from Childress to Lightning Flat then to St. Francis, but that was days ago. Couldn’t use that as an excuse for sleeping half the morning away. Although, since his host had a way of interrupting his sleep at night, and some of his afternoon naps on the couch, too, no wonder he was sleep deprived. Even when he did try to help out with the housework by doing the dishes, he was forever getting distracted by Ennis pinching his ass or groping him or bending him over the counter and putting it to him so good he was convinced it took his eyes at least fifteen minutes to uncross.
Oh no, no way. You may have ordinary white sheets, boy, but ain’t nothin’ ordinary about you.
He dragged himself out of bed, grateful the cottage was cosy, the electric baseboards in the bedroom driving away some of the winter chill. He braced himself as his bare feet hit the icy hallway and the bathroom, cursing himself for not throwing on a robe instead of prancing around naked as a jaybird. What if someone walked in on him looking like this, wouldn’t that be a sight? Still, in the deepest part of him, he had to admit he loved walking around naked as the day he was born, unashamed of his skin. Not like in Childress, or Lightning Flat, or, well, any place but here.
Once he was finished in the bathroom, he quickly got dressed and headed to the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee. He was surprised to see no indication Ennis’d even managed to gulp down some breakfast. So he quickly made up some Cheez-Whiz sandwiches and filled up the thermos with coffee.
He was shrugging into his favourite blue parka when the phone began to ring. He reached out automatically to take the call but a niggling doubt stayed his hand. Maybe Ennis won’t like it if he answered the phone; after all, this wasn’t his place. Not yet, anyways. What if it was the girls and they’d want to know who was that man, visiting their Daddy? But, then, Ennis’d let him park his truck, right out front in front of God and the whole state of Kansas. Nothing wrong with having a buddy come visit. Well, nothing wrong about the both of them being together, period. Right? He’d just about decided to take the call when the ringing stopped and the moment was gone. His hand rested on the receiver briefly, waiting to see if the ringing started up again, but the phone remained silent. So he shrugged his shoulders, intent on finding Ennis.
He was almost out the door when he took a quick detour back to the bedroom and pocketed that mini-tube of lube he never got a chance to use back in Childress when Ennis’d taken him out for coffee.
The thought of that lube in his pocket put a spring in his step as he made his way across Ennis’ front yard; the morning sun keeping the temperatures above freezing, almost balmy compared to Lightning Flat, although just a few degrees cooler than Childress. He noticed the horses were already in the corral, their shiny coats indicating they’d already received a brush down this morning.
Jack continued towards the barn, breathing in the stillness of the morning. He unzipped his coat, considered shrugging it off because there wasn’t a cloud in the sky and the sun shone bright over the brief patches of snow that even now began to melt beneath his feet.
He was surprised when the barn door opened without creaking, and it took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the sudden dimness. He spied Ennis at the far corner of the barn, the rays of sun streaming through the high window casting Ennis’ features in shadows. He could tell from the deliberate sweep of Ennis’ hands that his cowboy was oiling a saddle.
He set the thermos down on a table by the door and walked towards Ennis, noticing the saddle he was working on sat on a beautiful old-fashioned saddle stand made out of solid wood polished to a high gleam. His eyes ran down Ennis’ lean back, paying special attention to the way Ennis’ ass tightened as he swayed, humming a tune Jack didn’t know, but seemed strangely familiar.
An idea popped into his head as he watched the way Ennis carefully rubbed oil into the seat of the saddle with a rag, the leather soaking up the conditioning liquid until it glistened. Jack cleared his throat and called out, coffee and sandwiches forgotten.
“Hey, uh, sir?”
Ennis stopped humming, stilling his hand and turning around to give Jack that brief twitch of his lips that passed for a smile. “Uh, hey, Jack…”
“Yes, that’s right,” Jack said quickly, offering his hand. “Jack, Jack Twist. And you are…?”
Ennis put down the rag he was using and took the hand Jack extended automatically, a puzzled frown on his face. “Uh…Ennis?”
He gave Ennis his best impersonal salesman smile, pumping Ennis’ hand up and down, hoping Ennis would get the message. “Ennis...,” he paused, expectantly.
“Del Mar. Ennis Del Mar?” Ennis answered his confusion plain.
“Great! Just the man I’m lookin’ for. I hear you’re a riding instructor. That so?”
“Uh-huh.” Ennis was looking at him like he had cuckoo clocks circling his head.
“Well, I’m lookin’ to take some riding lessons.”
Ennis’ mouth tightened and the line between his brows deepened. “Jack, I don’t know what you’re playing at but -"
“Riding lessons,” Jack said again emphatically, giving Ennis a warning glare, hands on his hips. “I’m wantin’ riding lessons. From you.”
Ennis paused for a moment and seemed to consider the jut of Jack’s jaw and his uncompromising stance. “Riding lessons, huh? Well…”
“Great!” Jack said, going right up to the saddle Ennis’d been working on. He stroked the seat of the saddle, feeling the buttery softness of freshly cleaned, newly oiled, well-worn leather. His breathing quickened. “I gotta learn how to sit on this, right? That’s what Clint Eastwood does in the movies.”
When he looked back at Ennis, he noticed Ennis was watching his hand as it stroked the leather. Ennis nodded slowly, in answer to his question.
“So…,” Jack went up to the saddle and in one quick motion straddled it, sitting down slowly and sending up a prayer that the saddle bench was sturdy enough to hold his weight.“…this how it’s done?” He peeked back at Ennis again, and had to force himself not to smirk when he saw Ennis’ eyes were fastened on where his crotch met the saddle.
Ennis cleared his throat and opened his mouth but nothing came out. Jack stifled a quick laugh and disguised it as a cough.
“Ennis? Hmm? Like this?” Jack said innocently, planting his seat deeper in the saddle and jutting his hips out so that his hard-on was better displayed.
Ennis’ eyes widened, a faint flush making its way up his neck. After a few seconds, Ennis shook his head like a wet dog, obviously making an effort to come out of his daze. Ennis licked his lips quickly before finally meeting Jack’s gaze.
“Well…uh…Jack. Jack, is it?” Ennis asked.
Jack’s grin widened as he nodded approvingly. “That’s right. It’s Jack, Jack Twist.”
“I think you gotta make some adjustments to your…err…posture.” Ennis said, positioning himself so he was directly behind Jack. Ennis wasn’t touching him, not yet, but the hairs on the back of his neck tingled because he could feel Ennis’ breath on him.
“Lean back,” Ennis instructed. Jack shuddered at the deep timbre of Ennis’ voice, leaning back obediently until his back met his cowboy’s wiry chest. “That’s right, just like that,” praised Ennis.
He felt Ennis’ hands making their way across his thighs. “Gotta spread these wider,” Ennis said, his touch far from impersonal. “So…umm…you can keep your balance.”
“But,” Jack said with mock confusion. “I thought I had to keep my knees tight so I could control the horse.” He put slight pressure on his knees, providing some token resistance, but Ennis’ grip tightened. Jack’s erection thickened at the weight of Ennis’ hand on him.
“You wantin’ to learn how to ride, or not?” Ennis snapped gruffly. “Who’s the teacher here?”
“Okay, okay,” he grumbled. “Seems my instructor’s gotta low startle point.”
“You don’t know the half of it, boy,” Ennis muttered.
He chose to ignore that comment and move this along. “Yes, well, not sure if I’m dressed quite right for this lesson, sir. Suddenly my pants are too tight,” he quipped, knowing his mischievous side had by now gotten the better of him; he was grateful Ennis seemed willing to indulge him.
“That so?”
“Yeah, maybe you can help me get more comfortable. You know, undo some buttons.”
“Sure! Sure enough. Can’t disappoint a paying customer,” Ennis agreed affably, obviously eager to act on Jack’s suggestion.
Ennis began to unbutton Jack’s shirt, breath quickening as shaky fingers made their way from his neck to his chest and down his torso. Ennis carefully tugged his shirt out of his pants to get at the last few buttons. As soon as the shirt was unbuttoned, Ennis spread the flaps wide and caressed his chest and belly with hands that burned like fire against his skin. His back arched like a bridge when Ennis’ fingers began to pluck at his nipples, the sensitive peaks puckering with pleasure that was almost pain.
“Ennis, damn,” he whispered. Angling his head backward he caught Ennis’ lips in a deep kiss, his tongue reaching out to stroke Ennis’, his hands reaching back to circle Ennis’ neck.
“That’s right, Jack, hold on, hold on tight now.”
They both shuddered as if they’d been hit by an earthquake when Ennis’ hands reached down and made contact with his erection, fondling his cock through his jeans.
“C’mon, c’mon, c’mon,” he chanted, not wanting to unhook his hands from around Ennis’ neck, but needing so desperately for his cock to be freed. Ennis ignored him, alternately cupping his balls and rubbing the length of his rod as Jack’s hips rocked in response.
“Ennis, please, you gotta….”
“Hush now, hush. I’m gonna take care of you, make you feel so good,” Ennis whispered in his ear before kissing him so thoroughly he was almost distracted from the excruciating tightness in his jeans.
He almost shot when Ennis brought a hand up to one nipple, running his fingers over it lightly like a blind man reading Braille, while the other hand continued to knead his erection. It was all he could do keep from coming, although he was fairly certain he was leaking like a rusty pipe. He was also pretty sure the person he could hear begging was none other than Jack Twist, himself, and he could swear he felt tears of relief course down his cheeks when Ennis finally released him from this torture by unzipping his jeans and letting his cock spring free.
Relief was short-lived, however, because the minute Ennis’s hot hand touched his fevered flesh, he felt the burn begin to build. That intense blinding heat that always sprung up between them and made it so hard to breathe, much less think. They were like flint striking steel, sparking flame.
He wanted to say words. He wanted to make demands. He wanted to serenade, cajole, plead. He wanted to express what this moment, this place, this man, meant to him. But all he could do was groan and writhe and thrust his cock in and out of Ennis’ fist, riding the pleasure.
He spread his legs wider. Balance, he thought dimly, I’m gonna need all I can get.
Ennis’ hands were slippery with slick and sweat, sliding up and down his shaft in a slow, easy rhythm. His balls were beginning to tighten, his cock harder than it had ever been. There was something about the musky scent of dampening leather, fresh laid straw, old wood, and a cock just begging to explode that heightened his senses and transported him into the middle of an inferno, each white-hot sensation burning away all but this moment. With Ennis’ head hooked over his shoulder, both he and Ennis watched his cock go red with excitement, fluid leaking out from the tip in pearly drops.
“That’s it, Jack.”
He groaned in response, his eyes glued to the sight of his cock fucking Ennis’ fist. His knees began to quiver, electricity sparking up and down his spine, his hips starting to stutter in desperation.
“There you go,” Ennis muttered. “Lean back, darlin’.”
Jack leaned as far back as he could, as if he was drawing on invisible reins. At the same time Ennis leaned forward, bending down and swallowing his cock. He buried himself in Ennis’ mouth, thrusting only once before his orgasm overtook him, gushing out of him and coating Ennis’ throat in thick, heavy, spurts.
“Yes, Ennis, oh God, so good, so good,” he cried, one hand tangling in Ennis’ hair as Ennis’ head continued to bob, sucking him dry. His cock stayed in Ennis’ mouth for a few seconds after his tremors abated, giving him the impression Ennis was reluctant to let go. Eventually, Ennis released him, resting his head on Jack’s thigh as he gulped in deep breaths, Ennis’ hand gripping the pommel as if steadying himself. Jack leaned forward and covered Ennis’ hand, kissing Ennis’ curls tenderly, once, twice, three times.
“Thank you, Ennis, thank you,” he murmured through an aching throat, knowing the words were inadequate because he was grateful for more, so much more, than this.
“Don’t thank me, yet,” Ennis gasped. “I ain’t had mine yet and I can guarantee after I’m done with you, you won’t be walking, much less riding, for a week.”
Jack gave a quick bark of laughter. “Well, ain’t this a green crayon day?” Jack chortled. He reached back and gave Ennis’ ass a resounding smack. “What’s the hold up, then, cowboy?”
Ennis didn’t bother responding. He just straightened up, hauled him off the saddle, and had his pants down in ten seconds flat. Ennis’d moved so fast Jack was already bent over the saddle sideways like a sack of potatoes before he figured out what Ennis had in mind.
“Wait! Ennis!” he protested.
“No waiting,” Ennis growled emphatically, sounding like a caveman hungry for his dinner.
“Lube!” Jack called out desperately.
He twisted his head around so he could look behind him, just in time to see Ennis stand stock still, as if he’d just been hit on the head with a two-by-four. “Right. Shit. Fuck.” Ennis hollered in frustration. Ennis turned on his heel, ready to make his way out of the barn. “You stay put, I’ll be back.”
“No! In my jeans! The lube’s in the pocket of my jeans!”
“In your jeans? Well, Christ, why didn’t you say so, you dumbass? Most times I can’t shut you up and now, with important stuff, you’re all tight-lipped!” Ennis roared, reaching down to where Jack’s jeans where pooled around his ankles. He shivered when he felt Ennis’ hair brushing up against the back of his thighs while Ennis tried to locate the lube.
Ennis gave a grunt of satisfaction and he groaned in relief, figuring that meant Ennis’d found the lube. Of course, since he was still bent over the saddle, he reckoned his ass was a great temptation for poor, beleaguered, Ennis, so he braced himself for a quick smack or even a pinch. Even so, he yelped when he felt Ennis’ teeth clamp down on one ass cheek, surprised that little jolt made his cock stir.
“Jesus, Ennis!”
“I’d do the other one, too, but I’m too busy slicking myself up,” Ennis muttered. Jack certainly couldn’t fault this logic, his hole already starting to contract with anticipation. He felt Ennis separate his cheeks and just like that Ennis’ thick cock was inside him, filling him swiftly, hitting his gland with just one thrust.
“Fuck, yes!” he grunted, rising up on his toes to meet Ennis’ thrusts.
“So tight, Jack, every fucking time,” Ennis moaned, as he began to drive into Jack slowly, pulling all the way out before slamming back in. He could feel one of Ennis’ hands gripping his right hip and the other hand just to the left of him, probably holding on to the pommel.
The saddle stand creaking with every movement had Jack praying to God it could bear up against this kind of action, considering the manufacturer probably didn’t have a warranty for “Fucking a man blind while almost bent in half.” Although the stand was the least of his worries. He was probably having a coronary, for fuck’s sake, the way his heart was practically thumping out of his chest.
The intensity was nearly unbearable, his cock rubbing up against the creamy leather beginning to show signs of life. He’d assumed he wasn’t getting off again, he’d come so hard already, but his cock was doing its best impersonation of a man rising from the dead.
The creaking of the saddle stand became more pronounced as Ennis’ pace increased, ramming into him so fierce his teeth rattled.
Oh shit, oh fuck, oh Christ, he thought. Ennis just cleaned this saddle and something tells me it’s gonna get messed up again. Right. About. Now. He tightened around Ennis ruthlessly, knowing, after all their years together, what it took to hurl his cowboy over the edge.
Ennis ground himself deep inside Jack as he shot, yelling his name desperately. Jack answered in kind, moaning deep and low, as his orgasm ripped through him.
Maybe it was all the blood rushing to his head, or maybe it was because he’d just been fucked within an inch of his life… but he could swear he saw stars. Many, many, stars. Not just the pretty, twinkly stars, neither. No. The shooting ones, with big sweeping tails that burned a fiery swathe through the night. Except it wasn’t night, registered his befuddled brain. It was barely noon. Heaven help him. The way this day was going, he’ll be dead by sundown.
Ennis slowly pulled out, helping Jack get to a standing position, holding on to him when he swayed dizzily.
“Gotta come up with a rule,” Jack muttered hoarsely, willing the room to stop spinning.
“Do what?”
“Gotta come up with a rule. A stay-breathing rule around you, otherwise I’m liable to pass out three times a day.”
This time it was his turn to look at Ennis with consternation, wondering what the hell was so funny and why Ennis was bent almost double, laughing like a hyena.
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Jack couldn’t remember a time, except for their Brokeback days, when he felt so settled. Actually, even better than their Brokeback days because he not only knew where they were heading, he knew where they were going to wind up. Here, in this little cottage, in this space Ennis’d carved out for them.
Sure, the little boy inside him that used to dodge his Daddy’s blows was still leery of how smooth this visit was going. But he’d never seen Ennis laugh so much, be so free, and he was convinced they’d finally rounded third base and were heading for home. After all, that impromptu “riding lesson” just an hour ago had shown him an Ennis who could fall into rhythm with him, an Ennis who could match his gait regardless of how unfamiliar the territory.
He smiled fondly at the naked back in front of him, his hands kneading suds-filled water across the smooth skin.
“Ain’t you done yet, back there? Shit, we’re gonna go through the whole hot water tank, you keep this up.”
“Hold your horses, mister. My Mama taught me it’s no use doing a job unless it’s done right. So you hush and let me listen to my Mama,” Jack said in a lofty tone, his hands sneaking down to squeeze Ennis’ ass.
“Christ, Jack, don’t you be talkin’ about your Mama while your hands’re down there! Shit!” Ennis yelped.
“Well, then, what about you? Bringin’ Jesus into it?” Jack laughed.
“That’s it, I’m gettin’ out. Shoulda known this weren’t gonna be no quick shower. Not with Jack-the-Comedian-Twist.” Ennis groused as he turned around to rinse his back, softening the words with a quick sideways smile before stepping out of the shower.
Jack took a step forward and continued to rinse off, taking his time, still chuckling softly. His laughter stopped abruptly when he felt cold air rushing in through the open bathroom door as soon as he turned the water off. To make matters worse, he found only a cold, and definitely empty, metal bar when he reached for a towel.
“Ennis! You shit!” he yelled.
The only answer he received was a bark of laughter. He glared down the hallway and, sure enough, Ennis came out the bedroom fully dressed, waving a towel in front of him.
“Lookin’ for this?”
“Ennis, this ain’t funny! I’m standin’ here drippin’ wet and I’m liable to slip and break my neck if I start walkin’!”
“You don’t think this is funny? Sure is, from where I’m lookin’!” Ennis snickered.
He tried very hard not to stamp his feet. He was pretty sure he wasn’t doing a very good job in keeping the pout off his lips, however.
“Ennis!” he hissed, taking one careful step forward.
What happened next came quickly, but in slow motion, like that sluggish feeling you get when you’re spinning so fast on the merry-go-round you feel like you’re standing still.
Ennis threw him the towel, and he reached out to catch it. As soon as he touched it the front door opened and a slim red-head walked in, announcing “Surprise! Here I am! What’s got my baby brother so busy he can’t answer his phone?” He whipped the towel in front of his waist, seeing the red-head’s eyes widen in shock when she caught sight of him. But what sent an arrow through his heart was the look on Ennis’ face before he turned around to face the woman.
Jack shut his eyes and gritted his teeth, not even bothering to shut the door. It felt like it had been slammed in his face, anyways. He may as well be the man Ennis saw dead in that ditch from long ago, because Ennis had given him a look of such revulsion and shame, denial and disgust… it told him the deepest part of Ennis, so deep not even he could touch it, would never change. Ennis can try, sure enough, but nothing, not their over ten years together, or these last few months, or, hell, all the green crayons in the world can change the fact that Ennis will never forget the lesson taught him by his father. No matter how hard they fight that ditch, they always seem to fall in, mired deep as ever; it was too strong for the both of them. And he was too tired, too fucking tired to claw his way out this time. Because he’d learned a few things from his father, too, and he wasn’t about to let his wings get broke under any man’s heel, not even Ennis’.
He heard Ennis talking but he couldn’t make out the words. He just tied the towel around his waist and walked down the hallway to the bedroom, not even bothering to give Ennis or the woman a passing glance. He got dressed in a fog, going around the room and tossing his belongings haphazardly into his bag. It maybe took him fifteen minutes to do all this, less time than it had taken to grind his earlier hopes and dreams to dust.
When he stepped out into the hallway he saw Ennis and the red-head standing awkwardly in the living room, the front door still wide open.
“Jack, uh…” Ennis said, refusing to meet his eyes and focusing instead on a spot just above his left ear. “This here’s my sister, Missy.”
He nodded at the woman, his manners taking over. “Ma’am,” he mumbled.
Ennis shuffled his feet, clearing his throat before continuing. “Missy, this is…uh…my…”
“No need to put us through the rest of this, Ennis,” Jack said bitterly. “Let's face it, you are never gonna own up to who or what I am.”
He didn’t even bother seeing how Ennis reacted to his words. He just turned around and made his way out of the open doorway, calling out “I’m leaving” over his shoulder.
He’d almost made it to his truck before he heard the crunch of footsteps behind him.
“Jack! Jack, what in the hell are you doing?” Ennis called out.
“What am I doing?” Jack shouted as he whipped around. “What do you think I’m doing?”
“So that’s it, then? Just like that?” Ennis was up in his face now, the words forced out of a mouth clenched so tight they could’ve been sewn shut.
“Hell yeah, that’s it!” Jack roared. “What did you think I was gonna do, Ennis? See that look on your face and ignore it? Take it, like I used to? I am a man, Ennis, you got that?” Jack wanted to punch him, he wanted to hit out and hurt Ennis for making him believe in something that was never going to be. But instead he shoved him. Hard. “And for a while there I was thinking I was your man. Yours. But that ain’t so, is it, Ennis? Because in the light of day, in front of your family, you still want me to be nothing, nothing to you.”
He felt the sudden rush of tears in his eyes and he willed them away, chased them down with a shot of cold anger. “Well ain’t you lucky, Ennis Del Mar, because today you get your wish. As of right now, that’s what I am. Nothing to you,” he spat, turning on his heel.
Ennis spun him back around fiercely. “You’re a fine one to talk, Jack, about being a man, about standing your ground. Who’s gone and moved away from his babies, Jack? Who set up a whole new life, a job, a home, all to try to prove something to you. But in an instant that’s all gone to shit, ain’t it, Jack? Gone to shit, you sonofabitch!” This time it was Ennis’ turn to give him a shove so hard he barely stayed on his feet. He braced himself because Ennis took another step forward, looking like he wasn’t gonna be satisfied until Jack wound up on his ass.
But then Ennis seemed to implode into himself, all the fight suddenly gone, his eyes that had just moments ago been filled with rage now devoid of any feeling.
“I made a promise, after what you said, about how I high-tailed it outta the tent that first time, up on Brokeback. How I left you standing there. I promised myself I was never gonna do that to you again, never again. So just…go.” Ennis paused, his voice harsh. “Go. But you remember who’s leaving this time, you take a good look at who’s walkin’ away.”
“You do not get to put this on me, Ennis!” Jack yelled, pointing at Ennis. He even took a step forward, intent on using his fists, but then he turned around and marched towards his truck, slamming the door shut after climbing in.
He peeled out of there without a backward glance, his tires screeching as he slammed his foot down on the accelerator, leaving his heart behind without breaking stride.
TBC
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A/N: I am going on vacation in a few weeks so I probably won't be able to post anything for another month. I'll still be writing though, never fear. See you in August!
Edited to Add: I am expecting people to be puzzled and maybe even upset at the latest development. Please feel free to leave me a comment to let me know how you really feel. I won't be offended. If you wish to comment privately you can leave me an LJ message, or pm me at either EJ or DCF, I'm smilesalot in both forums. I prefer that, to silence.
Genre & Rating: Canon/AU, R for smex and a definitely dirty use of leather.
Disclaimer: Jack and Ennis were created by the Great and Mighty Annie Proulx. I'm just the dude behind the yellow curtain working the lights and using the Big Voice microphone.
Summary: This is the continuation of The Package, and takes place after Ennis and Alma's divorce. Ennis has moved to Kansas and is trying to find a way for him and Jack to be together. The road is bumpy and uneven but each small step brings both Jack and Ennis closer to the dance. Prior chapters are here.
Thanks: To my betas, Elizabeth and Christine, who, I believe are enjoying their beta floggers way too much. Thanks for not letting me take the easy way out. A special thank you as well, to all the authors I beta for:
poppyhoney_67 ,
noreins , and
fizzerbass . Thanks for letting me put your stories on the backburner while I whip this bitch into shape.
Dedication: To
babytammy , who gives so much, even though she is dealing with a loss. You always manage to brighten my day, even though you, yourself, are in darkness. Stay strong, dear one.
The Dance - Chapter 16: Start Me Up
Start Me Up (Jagger/Richards)
If you start me up
If you start me up I'll never stop
If you start me up
If you start me up I'll never stop
I've been running hot
You got me ticking gonna blow my top
If you start me up
If you start me up I'll never stop
You make a grown man cry
Spread out the oil, the gasoline
I walk smooth, ride in a mean, mean machine…
If you start it up
Kick on the starter give it all you got, you got, you got
I can't compete with the riders in the other heats
If you rough it up
If you like it you can slide it up, slide it up…
You make a grown man cry
Ride like the wind at double speed
I'll take you places that you've never, never seen
Start it up
Love the day when we will never stop, never stop
Never stop, never stop
Tough me up
Never stop, never stop, never stop
You, you, you make a grown man cry
You, you make a dead man come
You, you make a dead man come
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He woke up to tangled sheets, a broken-in bed, and a dent in the pillow beside him the size of his man’s head. His eyes fluttered open and his sleepy gaze fell on a single solitary curl that glimmered like spun gold on the plain white pillowcase matching the plain white sheets on Ennis’ bed. No stripes or polka dots for his cowboy, no sir. Just simple, ordinary, run-of-the-mill white.
He reached out carefully and stroked the curl on the pillow, light as a feather, although he could still feel the silkiness of it. He smiled softly when it wound itself around his finger. Don’t know about that, Del Mar. I’m more inclined to think I’m wrapped around your finger.
He stretched slightly and squinted at the light coming in through the window. Damn. Probably almost ten o’clock. Ennis must’ve been up for almost six hours already. He’d told Ennis he’d help some with the chores but his soft living in Texas had taken some of the farm-country-Wyoming out of him. Sure, he’d done some hard driving from Childress to Lightning Flat then to St. Francis, but that was days ago. Couldn’t use that as an excuse for sleeping half the morning away. Although, since his host had a way of interrupting his sleep at night, and some of his afternoon naps on the couch, too, no wonder he was sleep deprived. Even when he did try to help out with the housework by doing the dishes, he was forever getting distracted by Ennis pinching his ass or groping him or bending him over the counter and putting it to him so good he was convinced it took his eyes at least fifteen minutes to uncross.
Oh no, no way. You may have ordinary white sheets, boy, but ain’t nothin’ ordinary about you.
He dragged himself out of bed, grateful the cottage was cosy, the electric baseboards in the bedroom driving away some of the winter chill. He braced himself as his bare feet hit the icy hallway and the bathroom, cursing himself for not throwing on a robe instead of prancing around naked as a jaybird. What if someone walked in on him looking like this, wouldn’t that be a sight? Still, in the deepest part of him, he had to admit he loved walking around naked as the day he was born, unashamed of his skin. Not like in Childress, or Lightning Flat, or, well, any place but here.
Once he was finished in the bathroom, he quickly got dressed and headed to the kitchen to make a fresh pot of coffee. He was surprised to see no indication Ennis’d even managed to gulp down some breakfast. So he quickly made up some Cheez-Whiz sandwiches and filled up the thermos with coffee.
He was shrugging into his favourite blue parka when the phone began to ring. He reached out automatically to take the call but a niggling doubt stayed his hand. Maybe Ennis won’t like it if he answered the phone; after all, this wasn’t his place. Not yet, anyways. What if it was the girls and they’d want to know who was that man, visiting their Daddy? But, then, Ennis’d let him park his truck, right out front in front of God and the whole state of Kansas. Nothing wrong with having a buddy come visit. Well, nothing wrong about the both of them being together, period. Right? He’d just about decided to take the call when the ringing stopped and the moment was gone. His hand rested on the receiver briefly, waiting to see if the ringing started up again, but the phone remained silent. So he shrugged his shoulders, intent on finding Ennis.
He was almost out the door when he took a quick detour back to the bedroom and pocketed that mini-tube of lube he never got a chance to use back in Childress when Ennis’d taken him out for coffee.
The thought of that lube in his pocket put a spring in his step as he made his way across Ennis’ front yard; the morning sun keeping the temperatures above freezing, almost balmy compared to Lightning Flat, although just a few degrees cooler than Childress. He noticed the horses were already in the corral, their shiny coats indicating they’d already received a brush down this morning.
Jack continued towards the barn, breathing in the stillness of the morning. He unzipped his coat, considered shrugging it off because there wasn’t a cloud in the sky and the sun shone bright over the brief patches of snow that even now began to melt beneath his feet.
He was surprised when the barn door opened without creaking, and it took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the sudden dimness. He spied Ennis at the far corner of the barn, the rays of sun streaming through the high window casting Ennis’ features in shadows. He could tell from the deliberate sweep of Ennis’ hands that his cowboy was oiling a saddle.
He set the thermos down on a table by the door and walked towards Ennis, noticing the saddle he was working on sat on a beautiful old-fashioned saddle stand made out of solid wood polished to a high gleam. His eyes ran down Ennis’ lean back, paying special attention to the way Ennis’ ass tightened as he swayed, humming a tune Jack didn’t know, but seemed strangely familiar.
An idea popped into his head as he watched the way Ennis carefully rubbed oil into the seat of the saddle with a rag, the leather soaking up the conditioning liquid until it glistened. Jack cleared his throat and called out, coffee and sandwiches forgotten.
“Hey, uh, sir?”
Ennis stopped humming, stilling his hand and turning around to give Jack that brief twitch of his lips that passed for a smile. “Uh, hey, Jack…”
“Yes, that’s right,” Jack said quickly, offering his hand. “Jack, Jack Twist. And you are…?”
Ennis put down the rag he was using and took the hand Jack extended automatically, a puzzled frown on his face. “Uh…Ennis?”
He gave Ennis his best impersonal salesman smile, pumping Ennis’ hand up and down, hoping Ennis would get the message. “Ennis...,” he paused, expectantly.
“Del Mar. Ennis Del Mar?” Ennis answered his confusion plain.
“Great! Just the man I’m lookin’ for. I hear you’re a riding instructor. That so?”
“Uh-huh.” Ennis was looking at him like he had cuckoo clocks circling his head.
“Well, I’m lookin’ to take some riding lessons.”
Ennis’ mouth tightened and the line between his brows deepened. “Jack, I don’t know what you’re playing at but -"
“Riding lessons,” Jack said again emphatically, giving Ennis a warning glare, hands on his hips. “I’m wantin’ riding lessons. From you.”
Ennis paused for a moment and seemed to consider the jut of Jack’s jaw and his uncompromising stance. “Riding lessons, huh? Well…”
“Great!” Jack said, going right up to the saddle Ennis’d been working on. He stroked the seat of the saddle, feeling the buttery softness of freshly cleaned, newly oiled, well-worn leather. His breathing quickened. “I gotta learn how to sit on this, right? That’s what Clint Eastwood does in the movies.”
When he looked back at Ennis, he noticed Ennis was watching his hand as it stroked the leather. Ennis nodded slowly, in answer to his question.
“So…,” Jack went up to the saddle and in one quick motion straddled it, sitting down slowly and sending up a prayer that the saddle bench was sturdy enough to hold his weight.“…this how it’s done?” He peeked back at Ennis again, and had to force himself not to smirk when he saw Ennis’ eyes were fastened on where his crotch met the saddle.
Ennis cleared his throat and opened his mouth but nothing came out. Jack stifled a quick laugh and disguised it as a cough.
“Ennis? Hmm? Like this?” Jack said innocently, planting his seat deeper in the saddle and jutting his hips out so that his hard-on was better displayed.
Ennis’ eyes widened, a faint flush making its way up his neck. After a few seconds, Ennis shook his head like a wet dog, obviously making an effort to come out of his daze. Ennis licked his lips quickly before finally meeting Jack’s gaze.
“Well…uh…Jack. Jack, is it?” Ennis asked.
Jack’s grin widened as he nodded approvingly. “That’s right. It’s Jack, Jack Twist.”
“I think you gotta make some adjustments to your…err…posture.” Ennis said, positioning himself so he was directly behind Jack. Ennis wasn’t touching him, not yet, but the hairs on the back of his neck tingled because he could feel Ennis’ breath on him.
“Lean back,” Ennis instructed. Jack shuddered at the deep timbre of Ennis’ voice, leaning back obediently until his back met his cowboy’s wiry chest. “That’s right, just like that,” praised Ennis.
He felt Ennis’ hands making their way across his thighs. “Gotta spread these wider,” Ennis said, his touch far from impersonal. “So…umm…you can keep your balance.”
“But,” Jack said with mock confusion. “I thought I had to keep my knees tight so I could control the horse.” He put slight pressure on his knees, providing some token resistance, but Ennis’ grip tightened. Jack’s erection thickened at the weight of Ennis’ hand on him.
“You wantin’ to learn how to ride, or not?” Ennis snapped gruffly. “Who’s the teacher here?”
“Okay, okay,” he grumbled. “Seems my instructor’s gotta low startle point.”
“You don’t know the half of it, boy,” Ennis muttered.
He chose to ignore that comment and move this along. “Yes, well, not sure if I’m dressed quite right for this lesson, sir. Suddenly my pants are too tight,” he quipped, knowing his mischievous side had by now gotten the better of him; he was grateful Ennis seemed willing to indulge him.
“That so?”
“Yeah, maybe you can help me get more comfortable. You know, undo some buttons.”
“Sure! Sure enough. Can’t disappoint a paying customer,” Ennis agreed affably, obviously eager to act on Jack’s suggestion.
Ennis began to unbutton Jack’s shirt, breath quickening as shaky fingers made their way from his neck to his chest and down his torso. Ennis carefully tugged his shirt out of his pants to get at the last few buttons. As soon as the shirt was unbuttoned, Ennis spread the flaps wide and caressed his chest and belly with hands that burned like fire against his skin. His back arched like a bridge when Ennis’ fingers began to pluck at his nipples, the sensitive peaks puckering with pleasure that was almost pain.
“Ennis, damn,” he whispered. Angling his head backward he caught Ennis’ lips in a deep kiss, his tongue reaching out to stroke Ennis’, his hands reaching back to circle Ennis’ neck.
“That’s right, Jack, hold on, hold on tight now.”
They both shuddered as if they’d been hit by an earthquake when Ennis’ hands reached down and made contact with his erection, fondling his cock through his jeans.
“C’mon, c’mon, c’mon,” he chanted, not wanting to unhook his hands from around Ennis’ neck, but needing so desperately for his cock to be freed. Ennis ignored him, alternately cupping his balls and rubbing the length of his rod as Jack’s hips rocked in response.
“Ennis, please, you gotta….”
“Hush now, hush. I’m gonna take care of you, make you feel so good,” Ennis whispered in his ear before kissing him so thoroughly he was almost distracted from the excruciating tightness in his jeans.
He almost shot when Ennis brought a hand up to one nipple, running his fingers over it lightly like a blind man reading Braille, while the other hand continued to knead his erection. It was all he could do keep from coming, although he was fairly certain he was leaking like a rusty pipe. He was also pretty sure the person he could hear begging was none other than Jack Twist, himself, and he could swear he felt tears of relief course down his cheeks when Ennis finally released him from this torture by unzipping his jeans and letting his cock spring free.
Relief was short-lived, however, because the minute Ennis’s hot hand touched his fevered flesh, he felt the burn begin to build. That intense blinding heat that always sprung up between them and made it so hard to breathe, much less think. They were like flint striking steel, sparking flame.
He wanted to say words. He wanted to make demands. He wanted to serenade, cajole, plead. He wanted to express what this moment, this place, this man, meant to him. But all he could do was groan and writhe and thrust his cock in and out of Ennis’ fist, riding the pleasure.
He spread his legs wider. Balance, he thought dimly, I’m gonna need all I can get.
Ennis’ hands were slippery with slick and sweat, sliding up and down his shaft in a slow, easy rhythm. His balls were beginning to tighten, his cock harder than it had ever been. There was something about the musky scent of dampening leather, fresh laid straw, old wood, and a cock just begging to explode that heightened his senses and transported him into the middle of an inferno, each white-hot sensation burning away all but this moment. With Ennis’ head hooked over his shoulder, both he and Ennis watched his cock go red with excitement, fluid leaking out from the tip in pearly drops.
“That’s it, Jack.”
He groaned in response, his eyes glued to the sight of his cock fucking Ennis’ fist. His knees began to quiver, electricity sparking up and down his spine, his hips starting to stutter in desperation.
“There you go,” Ennis muttered. “Lean back, darlin’.”
Jack leaned as far back as he could, as if he was drawing on invisible reins. At the same time Ennis leaned forward, bending down and swallowing his cock. He buried himself in Ennis’ mouth, thrusting only once before his orgasm overtook him, gushing out of him and coating Ennis’ throat in thick, heavy, spurts.
“Yes, Ennis, oh God, so good, so good,” he cried, one hand tangling in Ennis’ hair as Ennis’ head continued to bob, sucking him dry. His cock stayed in Ennis’ mouth for a few seconds after his tremors abated, giving him the impression Ennis was reluctant to let go. Eventually, Ennis released him, resting his head on Jack’s thigh as he gulped in deep breaths, Ennis’ hand gripping the pommel as if steadying himself. Jack leaned forward and covered Ennis’ hand, kissing Ennis’ curls tenderly, once, twice, three times.
“Thank you, Ennis, thank you,” he murmured through an aching throat, knowing the words were inadequate because he was grateful for more, so much more, than this.
“Don’t thank me, yet,” Ennis gasped. “I ain’t had mine yet and I can guarantee after I’m done with you, you won’t be walking, much less riding, for a week.”
Jack gave a quick bark of laughter. “Well, ain’t this a green crayon day?” Jack chortled. He reached back and gave Ennis’ ass a resounding smack. “What’s the hold up, then, cowboy?”
Ennis didn’t bother responding. He just straightened up, hauled him off the saddle, and had his pants down in ten seconds flat. Ennis’d moved so fast Jack was already bent over the saddle sideways like a sack of potatoes before he figured out what Ennis had in mind.
“Wait! Ennis!” he protested.
“No waiting,” Ennis growled emphatically, sounding like a caveman hungry for his dinner.
“Lube!” Jack called out desperately.
He twisted his head around so he could look behind him, just in time to see Ennis stand stock still, as if he’d just been hit on the head with a two-by-four. “Right. Shit. Fuck.” Ennis hollered in frustration. Ennis turned on his heel, ready to make his way out of the barn. “You stay put, I’ll be back.”
“No! In my jeans! The lube’s in the pocket of my jeans!”
“In your jeans? Well, Christ, why didn’t you say so, you dumbass? Most times I can’t shut you up and now, with important stuff, you’re all tight-lipped!” Ennis roared, reaching down to where Jack’s jeans where pooled around his ankles. He shivered when he felt Ennis’ hair brushing up against the back of his thighs while Ennis tried to locate the lube.
Ennis gave a grunt of satisfaction and he groaned in relief, figuring that meant Ennis’d found the lube. Of course, since he was still bent over the saddle, he reckoned his ass was a great temptation for poor, beleaguered, Ennis, so he braced himself for a quick smack or even a pinch. Even so, he yelped when he felt Ennis’ teeth clamp down on one ass cheek, surprised that little jolt made his cock stir.
“Jesus, Ennis!”
“I’d do the other one, too, but I’m too busy slicking myself up,” Ennis muttered. Jack certainly couldn’t fault this logic, his hole already starting to contract with anticipation. He felt Ennis separate his cheeks and just like that Ennis’ thick cock was inside him, filling him swiftly, hitting his gland with just one thrust.
“Fuck, yes!” he grunted, rising up on his toes to meet Ennis’ thrusts.
“So tight, Jack, every fucking time,” Ennis moaned, as he began to drive into Jack slowly, pulling all the way out before slamming back in. He could feel one of Ennis’ hands gripping his right hip and the other hand just to the left of him, probably holding on to the pommel.
The saddle stand creaking with every movement had Jack praying to God it could bear up against this kind of action, considering the manufacturer probably didn’t have a warranty for “Fucking a man blind while almost bent in half.” Although the stand was the least of his worries. He was probably having a coronary, for fuck’s sake, the way his heart was practically thumping out of his chest.
The intensity was nearly unbearable, his cock rubbing up against the creamy leather beginning to show signs of life. He’d assumed he wasn’t getting off again, he’d come so hard already, but his cock was doing its best impersonation of a man rising from the dead.
The creaking of the saddle stand became more pronounced as Ennis’ pace increased, ramming into him so fierce his teeth rattled.
Oh shit, oh fuck, oh Christ, he thought. Ennis just cleaned this saddle and something tells me it’s gonna get messed up again. Right. About. Now. He tightened around Ennis ruthlessly, knowing, after all their years together, what it took to hurl his cowboy over the edge.
Ennis ground himself deep inside Jack as he shot, yelling his name desperately. Jack answered in kind, moaning deep and low, as his orgasm ripped through him.
Maybe it was all the blood rushing to his head, or maybe it was because he’d just been fucked within an inch of his life… but he could swear he saw stars. Many, many, stars. Not just the pretty, twinkly stars, neither. No. The shooting ones, with big sweeping tails that burned a fiery swathe through the night. Except it wasn’t night, registered his befuddled brain. It was barely noon. Heaven help him. The way this day was going, he’ll be dead by sundown.
Ennis slowly pulled out, helping Jack get to a standing position, holding on to him when he swayed dizzily.
“Gotta come up with a rule,” Jack muttered hoarsely, willing the room to stop spinning.
“Do what?”
“Gotta come up with a rule. A stay-breathing rule around you, otherwise I’m liable to pass out three times a day.”
This time it was his turn to look at Ennis with consternation, wondering what the hell was so funny and why Ennis was bent almost double, laughing like a hyena.
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Jack couldn’t remember a time, except for their Brokeback days, when he felt so settled. Actually, even better than their Brokeback days because he not only knew where they were heading, he knew where they were going to wind up. Here, in this little cottage, in this space Ennis’d carved out for them.
Sure, the little boy inside him that used to dodge his Daddy’s blows was still leery of how smooth this visit was going. But he’d never seen Ennis laugh so much, be so free, and he was convinced they’d finally rounded third base and were heading for home. After all, that impromptu “riding lesson” just an hour ago had shown him an Ennis who could fall into rhythm with him, an Ennis who could match his gait regardless of how unfamiliar the territory.
He smiled fondly at the naked back in front of him, his hands kneading suds-filled water across the smooth skin.
“Ain’t you done yet, back there? Shit, we’re gonna go through the whole hot water tank, you keep this up.”
“Hold your horses, mister. My Mama taught me it’s no use doing a job unless it’s done right. So you hush and let me listen to my Mama,” Jack said in a lofty tone, his hands sneaking down to squeeze Ennis’ ass.
“Christ, Jack, don’t you be talkin’ about your Mama while your hands’re down there! Shit!” Ennis yelped.
“Well, then, what about you? Bringin’ Jesus into it?” Jack laughed.
“That’s it, I’m gettin’ out. Shoulda known this weren’t gonna be no quick shower. Not with Jack-the-Comedian-Twist.” Ennis groused as he turned around to rinse his back, softening the words with a quick sideways smile before stepping out of the shower.
Jack took a step forward and continued to rinse off, taking his time, still chuckling softly. His laughter stopped abruptly when he felt cold air rushing in through the open bathroom door as soon as he turned the water off. To make matters worse, he found only a cold, and definitely empty, metal bar when he reached for a towel.
“Ennis! You shit!” he yelled.
The only answer he received was a bark of laughter. He glared down the hallway and, sure enough, Ennis came out the bedroom fully dressed, waving a towel in front of him.
“Lookin’ for this?”
“Ennis, this ain’t funny! I’m standin’ here drippin’ wet and I’m liable to slip and break my neck if I start walkin’!”
“You don’t think this is funny? Sure is, from where I’m lookin’!” Ennis snickered.
He tried very hard not to stamp his feet. He was pretty sure he wasn’t doing a very good job in keeping the pout off his lips, however.
“Ennis!” he hissed, taking one careful step forward.
What happened next came quickly, but in slow motion, like that sluggish feeling you get when you’re spinning so fast on the merry-go-round you feel like you’re standing still.
Ennis threw him the towel, and he reached out to catch it. As soon as he touched it the front door opened and a slim red-head walked in, announcing “Surprise! Here I am! What’s got my baby brother so busy he can’t answer his phone?” He whipped the towel in front of his waist, seeing the red-head’s eyes widen in shock when she caught sight of him. But what sent an arrow through his heart was the look on Ennis’ face before he turned around to face the woman.
Jack shut his eyes and gritted his teeth, not even bothering to shut the door. It felt like it had been slammed in his face, anyways. He may as well be the man Ennis saw dead in that ditch from long ago, because Ennis had given him a look of such revulsion and shame, denial and disgust… it told him the deepest part of Ennis, so deep not even he could touch it, would never change. Ennis can try, sure enough, but nothing, not their over ten years together, or these last few months, or, hell, all the green crayons in the world can change the fact that Ennis will never forget the lesson taught him by his father. No matter how hard they fight that ditch, they always seem to fall in, mired deep as ever; it was too strong for the both of them. And he was too tired, too fucking tired to claw his way out this time. Because he’d learned a few things from his father, too, and he wasn’t about to let his wings get broke under any man’s heel, not even Ennis’.
He heard Ennis talking but he couldn’t make out the words. He just tied the towel around his waist and walked down the hallway to the bedroom, not even bothering to give Ennis or the woman a passing glance. He got dressed in a fog, going around the room and tossing his belongings haphazardly into his bag. It maybe took him fifteen minutes to do all this, less time than it had taken to grind his earlier hopes and dreams to dust.
When he stepped out into the hallway he saw Ennis and the red-head standing awkwardly in the living room, the front door still wide open.
“Jack, uh…” Ennis said, refusing to meet his eyes and focusing instead on a spot just above his left ear. “This here’s my sister, Missy.”
He nodded at the woman, his manners taking over. “Ma’am,” he mumbled.
Ennis shuffled his feet, clearing his throat before continuing. “Missy, this is…uh…my…”
“No need to put us through the rest of this, Ennis,” Jack said bitterly. “Let's face it, you are never gonna own up to who or what I am.”
He didn’t even bother seeing how Ennis reacted to his words. He just turned around and made his way out of the open doorway, calling out “I’m leaving” over his shoulder.
He’d almost made it to his truck before he heard the crunch of footsteps behind him.
“Jack! Jack, what in the hell are you doing?” Ennis called out.
“What am I doing?” Jack shouted as he whipped around. “What do you think I’m doing?”
“So that’s it, then? Just like that?” Ennis was up in his face now, the words forced out of a mouth clenched so tight they could’ve been sewn shut.
“Hell yeah, that’s it!” Jack roared. “What did you think I was gonna do, Ennis? See that look on your face and ignore it? Take it, like I used to? I am a man, Ennis, you got that?” Jack wanted to punch him, he wanted to hit out and hurt Ennis for making him believe in something that was never going to be. But instead he shoved him. Hard. “And for a while there I was thinking I was your man. Yours. But that ain’t so, is it, Ennis? Because in the light of day, in front of your family, you still want me to be nothing, nothing to you.”
He felt the sudden rush of tears in his eyes and he willed them away, chased them down with a shot of cold anger. “Well ain’t you lucky, Ennis Del Mar, because today you get your wish. As of right now, that’s what I am. Nothing to you,” he spat, turning on his heel.
Ennis spun him back around fiercely. “You’re a fine one to talk, Jack, about being a man, about standing your ground. Who’s gone and moved away from his babies, Jack? Who set up a whole new life, a job, a home, all to try to prove something to you. But in an instant that’s all gone to shit, ain’t it, Jack? Gone to shit, you sonofabitch!” This time it was Ennis’ turn to give him a shove so hard he barely stayed on his feet. He braced himself because Ennis took another step forward, looking like he wasn’t gonna be satisfied until Jack wound up on his ass.
But then Ennis seemed to implode into himself, all the fight suddenly gone, his eyes that had just moments ago been filled with rage now devoid of any feeling.
“I made a promise, after what you said, about how I high-tailed it outta the tent that first time, up on Brokeback. How I left you standing there. I promised myself I was never gonna do that to you again, never again. So just…go.” Ennis paused, his voice harsh. “Go. But you remember who’s leaving this time, you take a good look at who’s walkin’ away.”
“You do not get to put this on me, Ennis!” Jack yelled, pointing at Ennis. He even took a step forward, intent on using his fists, but then he turned around and marched towards his truck, slamming the door shut after climbing in.
He peeled out of there without a backward glance, his tires screeching as he slammed his foot down on the accelerator, leaving his heart behind without breaking stride.
TBC
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A/N: I am going on vacation in a few weeks so I probably won't be able to post anything for another month. I'll still be writing though, never fear. See you in August!
Edited to Add: I am expecting people to be puzzled and maybe even upset at the latest development. Please feel free to leave me a comment to let me know how you really feel. I won't be offended. If you wish to comment privately you can leave me an LJ message, or pm me at either EJ or DCF, I'm smilesalot in both forums. I prefer that, to silence.