Fuck you
Am I really that hard to love. Am I really just a selfish snob. Are my choices gonna get me hated. Is my sister the only one who will really tell me the truth. I want to remember what she said. I think that it was the truth. i believe that she was saying that people are not going to like me and they are going to....
WAIT. If I were making an unhealthy decision people would LOVE to feel better about themselves for having their own shit together. i make the first consiously healthy choice in my life and now I make people feel guilty about their own choices or think I am a lunatic for mine. fuck this. I think I am a little hurt and confused. I don;t see things the way they are. I am getting mixed messages I am tired. I am tired once again. This is what I would like to do.
Maybe I will just drive people away. there is no place I feel safe just to say what I want. I feel like a giant snob. I want to tell someone this. This is really hard and only because other people have been in a breakup before would anyone understand.
I HAVE BEEN THROUGH the bloody mill.
Who am I?
Who am I?
I hate reality. I hate reality. I resent having to accept reality. I resent having nothing creative to say. i hate being ostrasized because of who I am. I am tired of this. I am tired of living with racists. that would be one reason to commit it.
It's like I have a voice saying, (a taunting voice) DO IT! It does not matter how much anyone hates you. you must stay alive. I feel like I am compensating for something. Like my dad was not lying when he said that he was stuck up. One more thing that I am anry about. Why oh why does no one in my family really tell me the straight honest truth about who I am. Like, you need to lose weight, youre clothes really do not become you. ugh. How humiliating it is to have a history of abuse.
I felt this way in san Jose. I felt like the rich girl. The snob. The know it all. i think getting an education would be humbling. I certainly would choose to get an education. Where should I go?
What if I did come back to Bellingham. What if I really did just leave. Do all people hate me just the same or some differently. I would like to get an education like a community college education with a degree. Some really really cheap place where i can have a whole loota life experience in the mix. What the fuck have I been doing here anyway? well, reuniting with some people who love me and made a friend. Got to see my family. Do i know that they will go on without me. Got some really good therapy and definitely progressed in life. I mean. i started working the steps where I now need to grow up. I think that I have too much program in my life right now. too many meetings .
No one wants to be my friend if I am going to be in alcoholics anonymous. It's a big giant stigma and I decided to isolate myself that way...I feel like saying, but but but, can't you see? Can;t you see I have a stupendous life?
WAIT. If I were making an unhealthy decision people would LOVE to feel better about themselves for having their own shit together. i make the first consiously healthy choice in my life and now I make people feel guilty about their own choices or think I am a lunatic for mine. fuck this. I think I am a little hurt and confused. I don;t see things the way they are. I am getting mixed messages I am tired. I am tired once again. This is what I would like to do.
Maybe I will just drive people away. there is no place I feel safe just to say what I want. I feel like a giant snob. I want to tell someone this. This is really hard and only because other people have been in a breakup before would anyone understand.
I HAVE BEEN THROUGH the bloody mill.
Who am I?
Who am I?
I hate reality. I hate reality. I resent having to accept reality. I resent having nothing creative to say. i hate being ostrasized because of who I am. I am tired of this. I am tired of living with racists. that would be one reason to commit it.
It's like I have a voice saying, (a taunting voice) DO IT! It does not matter how much anyone hates you. you must stay alive. I feel like I am compensating for something. Like my dad was not lying when he said that he was stuck up. One more thing that I am anry about. Why oh why does no one in my family really tell me the straight honest truth about who I am. Like, you need to lose weight, youre clothes really do not become you. ugh. How humiliating it is to have a history of abuse.
I felt this way in san Jose. I felt like the rich girl. The snob. The know it all. i think getting an education would be humbling. I certainly would choose to get an education. Where should I go?
What if I did come back to Bellingham. What if I really did just leave. Do all people hate me just the same or some differently. I would like to get an education like a community college education with a degree. Some really really cheap place where i can have a whole loota life experience in the mix. What the fuck have I been doing here anyway? well, reuniting with some people who love me and made a friend. Got to see my family. Do i know that they will go on without me. Got some really good therapy and definitely progressed in life. I mean. i started working the steps where I now need to grow up. I think that I have too much program in my life right now. too many meetings .
No one wants to be my friend if I am going to be in alcoholics anonymous. It's a big giant stigma and I decided to isolate myself that way...I feel like saying, but but but, can't you see? Can;t you see I have a stupendous life?