(no subject)
Sometimes I wonder what the hell I am doing. I moved so far away from home. I thought about making Easter dinner for myself on Sunday and then realized I can't be bothered. Not that I'm particularly lazy, it just would be odd. This will be the first Easter I'm not home for. I miss my family. My Dad's birthday is the 10th and as usual I have no idea what to get him and I feel like a piece of shit for not being able to come over for dinner.
Sometimes I feel unsatisfied down here. I have a boyfriend who always tries to remind me of him when I'm feeling down but it's not the same as being Home. I hate comparing myself to him but he has never known what its like being away from home, living on your own and all those things, good and bad, that come with it. Blah. Because of these things it makes it so easy for me to go and easy for him to stay. I can picture moving already. In college I moved a lot. It isn't a big deal, just pack some boxes and go. So easy. Am I cold hearted for feeling this way about life? I hope not. Cold hearted isn't something I really want to be but oh well.
Jon gets a little sad every time I mention moving. I explain that it has a lot to do with financial reasons, wanting to buy a house that doesn't cost more than I'll ever earn and to live in a place with less gas stations and more trees. That's when I'm calm. When I'm upset, I tell him I feel tired of being here. I'm not too sure where I want to go but for me leaving has always felt so good. I'm the person who leaves when they want to. A ship jumper. Except of course in crappy relationships, then I stay until I get the full share of crappiness haha.
I guess life guides people away from each other; it will be interesting to see what life has in store for me. Who knows what will work and what won't.
Sometimes I feel unsatisfied down here. I have a boyfriend who always tries to remind me of him when I'm feeling down but it's not the same as being Home. I hate comparing myself to him but he has never known what its like being away from home, living on your own and all those things, good and bad, that come with it. Blah. Because of these things it makes it so easy for me to go and easy for him to stay. I can picture moving already. In college I moved a lot. It isn't a big deal, just pack some boxes and go. So easy. Am I cold hearted for feeling this way about life? I hope not. Cold hearted isn't something I really want to be but oh well.
Jon gets a little sad every time I mention moving. I explain that it has a lot to do with financial reasons, wanting to buy a house that doesn't cost more than I'll ever earn and to live in a place with less gas stations and more trees. That's when I'm calm. When I'm upset, I tell him I feel tired of being here. I'm not too sure where I want to go but for me leaving has always felt so good. I'm the person who leaves when they want to. A ship jumper. Except of course in crappy relationships, then I stay until I get the full share of crappiness haha.
I guess life guides people away from each other; it will be interesting to see what life has in store for me. Who knows what will work and what won't.