(no subject)
Okay here it goes. It's weird writing in this thing now. I don't feel I have much to say. Or maybe I do but am afraid to use whatever voice I have. That sounds silly. Everything is just so different. I'm different. My voice, whatever voice I now have, that's different too.
I was reading a few past entries before I started typing here now and it's oh so very tempting to delete every past thing I wrote. Part of me wants to keep it all, as reminders to how much can change in such a short amount of time. Other parts of me are so torn up and almost disgusted by some of the things that I wrote that I almost can't bare having them "out" there. Even if it's out and about where no one will pay much notice or attention. The fact that little snipets of my past life or past thoughts are written down is enough for them to still exist in some way. But they could all disappear with one little press of the delete button.
When I think long and hard about it, I need to remember that I started this journal for me. I wanted people to read it though too, but purely for the insight and feedback other minds could bring about. I need to remember that now. I started this thing so I'd have some sort of timeline to my life. Something I could look back on and say,'Oh yeah, I remember that time. Neato." It's just unfortunate that everything about my life up until now I can't really look back on and be proud of.
It's weird having a baby. It's weird but it's not weird. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love him more than I've ever loved anything in my entire life. I'm trying to post a picture or two but LJ is being a pain. Lemme work on it here....
I was reading a few past entries before I started typing here now and it's oh so very tempting to delete every past thing I wrote. Part of me wants to keep it all, as reminders to how much can change in such a short amount of time. Other parts of me are so torn up and almost disgusted by some of the things that I wrote that I almost can't bare having them "out" there. Even if it's out and about where no one will pay much notice or attention. The fact that little snipets of my past life or past thoughts are written down is enough for them to still exist in some way. But they could all disappear with one little press of the delete button.
When I think long and hard about it, I need to remember that I started this journal for me. I wanted people to read it though too, but purely for the insight and feedback other minds could bring about. I need to remember that now. I started this thing so I'd have some sort of timeline to my life. Something I could look back on and say,'Oh yeah, I remember that time. Neato." It's just unfortunate that everything about my life up until now I can't really look back on and be proud of.
It's weird having a baby. It's weird but it's not weird. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love him more than I've ever loved anything in my entire life. I'm trying to post a picture or two but LJ is being a pain. Lemme work on it here....