Day 17 of being a father
So obviously I’ve been quite busy with being a new dad and lost all sense of day and nights and as such completely fell off doing these. Which is a bummer as now is the time I really want to be documenting everything. I intend to go back and do a really full update about everything that has happened and all about our daughter, and her delivery, and first weeks of life. But for now I just need to get back into the swing of things.
So today started at around 2:45am when my parents woke us. Our mothers have been taking the first shift at nights so Molly and I can get a guaranteed few hours of sleep in case that is all we can manage. Anyway my parents woke us and went home. I was quite out of it when I awoke and thought that Tadpole was already in bed with us.
We got out of bed and got her and molly fed her then we went back to sleep. She slept pretty good last night, we only got up a couple times for feedings and diaper changes and generally she went back to sleep pretty easily.
I still have to roll over and check to make sure she is breathing pretty regularly throughout the night. I don’t know if this is something all new parents do constantly, or if it is just anxiety from having seen so many friends and acquaintances lose children and or have miscarriages/still births.
I can’t imagine the trauma of losing a child. A tadpole is barely two weeks old, and she’s pretty much my whole world. Every day I dread that I am another day closer to having to leave her and go back to work. I also worry about what Molly will do once I go back to work. Her anxiety is lessening bu the day thankfully, but there were some pretty scary moments early on where she was having intrusive thoughts (well more intrusive thoughts about intrusive thought). For someone who’s base line is anxious, the chemical/hormone fluctuations are pretty rough. My own anxiety has been pretty high, but I seem to get a little more confident with her everyday.
That being said I have been feeling kinda guilty all day today. This morning tadpole woke up and wouldn’t go back to sleep, but Molly and I both were still pretty tired and didn’t want to get out of bed yet. So I took tadpole unde my arms and we curled
up together. She ended up going back to sleep after I unzipped her swaddle, but I couldn’t go back to sleep as it isn’t safe sleep practices to co-sleep until like at least six months. So I got out my phone to keep me awake. Then I dropped the damn thing right in her face as I attempted to scroll.
She has a red bump/cut in her eye lid, but I apologized and kissed it better and she promptly went back to sleep.
Spent most of the day redoing the artwork
on our walls, with help from Birdie.