im so sick of cheezits
theres no food in the house.
spring break. im not excited. why? cuz theres not much to look forward to.
theres six flags and i wish i could be more excited about it, sorry.
todays my moms birthday. shes 48. i handed her a card i made and she looked so confused. she completely forgot it was her birthday... shes been working too hard.
im gona get kicked out of zombie pinups cuz im not goth or psychobilly.
im too asian and lame for them.
self esteem dropper right there. rating communities suck.
i realized that there IS someone i would kill.
walking home sucks.
good thing i got a ride from the white boy.
this is in a way friends only for thoses who havent noticed yet.
u dont need to comment asking to be added, ill notice u.
but itd be nice to know where uve found me.
if i add u back is a different story.
nothing personal, sorry.
i want: to fly away, be more productive, mean something to society, to feel important
i have: only cheezits, a useless mind
i wish: for thee impossible, for an older brother, go back in time and move somewhere else
i hate: people that talk too much and cant mind their own fuckin business and just GET A LIFE, concieted people, people that take things for granted, hating myself, not thinking right, wanting so much more in life
i miss: old friends, old times, my pets, being a kid
i fear: losing people i care about, people hating me, my lack of control over things and myself.
i hear: my conscience
i search: for a way around everything
i wonder: why people hate me, why i do the things i do, if i can be a better person, if i will be successful, if one day my parents will love me for who i am without having a family and being filthy rich, if ill live that long to find out
i regret: being shitty to my parents, being shitty to people i care about, not thinking, careless mistakes, not "carpe diem"-ing, coming to arroyo
i love: my friends, my camera, animals, certain places, holidays, handmade or "made with a special touch" things, snail mail, a great book, scented candles, enjoying time with my friends and knowing they feel the same way too.
i ache: when people talk behind my back, if no one cared about me
i always: worry and wonder, think of others, try to keep people happy, try to keep myself happy, stress, expect too much
i am not: skinny, fat, depressed, asian, normal, violent, asskisser, a hater
i dance: alone in my room in my own ways
i sing: alone to myself
i cry: when i feel hopeless
i am not always: content, hungry, lazy, bitchy
i write: to ppl, when im bored, has things to say, when im filled with a certain emotion like happy or sad
i win: ...thats great man.
i lose: myself, people, things... everything comes and goes easily
i confuse: others, myself with my wants with my needs
i need: someone to understand fully what i go through to be my friend, a haircut, people to just be happy, food
i should: stop and think, take actions, be a better and healthy person for myself and others, be able to be happy with my decisions, stop hurting myself, stop letting small things get to me. stop.
father thinks i am: unloving, careless, deep down thinks eventually ill make him proud
mother thinks i am: hopeless, worthless, useless, the one that ruined her life
my boyfriend/girlfriend thinks i am: cute, happy, not funny, untrustworthy, fake, unromantic, never there, careless, a liar. im sure theres more.
three things you are often complimented for: hair, eyeliner, my boyfriend
you get embarrassed when: people make fun of me
makes you happy: when others are happy, having fun, getting a handwritten letter mailed to me, special little gifts
upsets you: mean people, most people
you keep a diary: yes
you like to cook: no
you have a secret you have not shared with anyone: yes
youre in love: yes
you set your watch a few minutes ahead: no
you bite your fingernails: yes
you believe in love: yes
in the last 24 hours have you...
cried: yes, a few minutes ago
helped someone: yes, i spent a whole period handing out grams
bought something: yes, chips
gotten sick: yes, yesterday noon
gone to the movies: no
gone out for dinner: i will later tonight
said "i love you": yes
written a real letter: i wrote cards
talked to an ex: no
missed an ex: no.
written in a journal: yes
talk to someone you crush on: yes
had a serious talk: no, happiness never comes from serious-ness, which is why i try to stay away from that, i try to be ditzy sometimes just to keep people smiling for no reason.
missed someone: yes
hugged someone: yes
fought with your parents: no
fought with a friend: im going to very soon.
that was just sad.