Like Passing Notes in Secrecy 9/13
Title: Like Passing Notes in Secrecy
Chapter: 9/13
Rating: R
Character: Puck/Rachel
Summary: He's never really missed a girl before. He never cared enough, really, to miss anyone.
Word Count: 6,500
Disclaimer: Don't own.
Rachel not being in Lima sucks and he hates it. She calls him from LaGuardia and it's loud and he can barely hear anything she says, but he catches on that she landed okay and she's on her way to her apartment. Then she's in a cab and she says something fucking cute about making a playlist during her flight and all the songs remind her of him. And he makes her promise to text him again when she gets to her place. Because New York City is fucking crazy, not because he's a pussy and already misses her or anything.
He doesn't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but missing her isn't even the shittiest thing he's dealing with. Of course he's still not really over his mom passing away and stuff. He's trying to get Hannah back on track, but she's having a way harder time than even he is. It's to be expected, he guesses, since she's younger and it's been just she and his mom for a few years now. So it's not like he doesn't get it, he just doesn't really know how the hell to get her through it.
Her teachers are 'concerned', which pisses him off, because what did they expect? Did they just think she was going to take a week off for the funeral, go back to school and be over the fact that her mom just died? They're not really doing anything to help her, either, and he's pissed about it. Sure, they're being kind of sensitive or whatever, and he talks to Hannah about it (as much as she'll open up to him anyway) to make sure things aren't really bad at school. They aren't, it's just that she doesn't give a shit anymore. She's a super smart kid, but, as Rachel says, Hannah's probably just finding it hard to find perspective; school seems like the stupidest shit in the world compared to all the other crap she's dealing with. That's how he puts it anyway, and when he reiterated that to Rachel, she sighed and said, "Yes, if you think you have to explain it like that." So he's totally right.
The day Hannah gets sent home for fighting, he's proud, then mad. He goes to the school to get her and have a stupid fucking talk with her principal, and it turns out some kid called her an orphan and she lost it on him. Yeah, she kicked a boy's ass. He can't even stop himself from calling the kid a dick and saying he would have done the same thing. The principal isn't happy with him for that but he doesn't give a fuck. He also makes a comment about how if anyone at this fucking school would be sensitive to what Hannah's going through, maybe she could get through it a little quicker.
He feels really fucking good when he slams the door on the way out after they hear Hannah has an in-school suspension for the next three days.
She's quiet in the car and he has to stop by the bank to do something. She decides to stay in the car and he wants to make sure she's not gonna start crying or something, so he hands her a $5 and tells her to go buy him a coffee and get herself whatever she wants from the coffee shop across the street.
They get home and she starts bawling and throws herself on the couch, and he never really knew what to do with her when he could just pass her off on his mom, so he's kinda fucked right now.
He calls Rachel. All he does when she picks up is say, "Just wait," and hand the phone to Hannah, who looks at him like he's stupid before she says hello and runs upstairs.
When she comes back down, she's smiling and gabbing about The Vampire Diaries and some dude named Tyler and how he's 'so cool!' and some chick named Bonnie needs to stop being 'so damn ugly'. He hears Rachel tell Hannah not to use that word, but he just gives his sister a high five in passing for being hilarious.
"What'd you say to her?" he asks Rachel later, after Hannah is in bed and he's exhausted and needs to talk to his girl.
"Nothing."
"Rach," he whines, "come on. What is this, some secret club or something? Damn."
She giggles, which still makes him smile, and says, "I just asked her if her mother would want her fighting anyone over something like that." Fuck, she's smart. No, his mom would legit be pissed and ground the shit out of Hannah for something like this. She'd be all 'Don't let gossip and hurtful words affect you when they're not true'. "Perspective, Noah."
He doesn't know what the fuck he's thinking when he says it, but the next words out of his mouth are, "You're gonna be a fucking awesome mom someday."
He means it, so whatever, but she's all quiet on the line.
"Thank you," she says after a little too long.
He doesn't know if her kids will be his kids too, but to be honest, it's kind of starting to look that way.
... ... ...
Rachel doesn't go to Lima for Spring Break. Mostly because she has midterms to do and papers to turn in and she actually needs to do school work, which she knows she won't do if Noah is around. He's kind of the best and worst distraction, depending on how you look at it.
She knows he's mad at her for it, and she's mad at herself for it, and kind of mad at him for being mad. She needs to finish her year strongly and he knows that, and he just got his job at the best (only) sports clinic in town. It's just administrative work for now, but it's a foot in the door for when he finishes school (whenever that might be) and he can't be asking for time off to entertain her, and if he's not going to entertain her she's not going to spend the money and make the trip.
Maybe she's being selfish, wanting to put school first, but she's always been selfish and he knows that. Their conversations are short and tense for almost a week, until she calls him and tells him flat out that he's being a complete ass and she's sick of it. He says, "Well, kill me for wanting to fucking see you!" and she rolls her eyes and asks if he really feels like she doesn't want to see him.
He tells her to get out of his head and she laughs and it's kind of over.
"Still sucks," he mumbles at the end of their call. She promises to make it up to him, and he says, "I don't know what that means, but I like the way it sounds," in this sexy voice she loves, and she says goodnight a little breathier than usual.
In April, her dads come to visit. They tell her they've been checking in on Noah and Hannah, and she knows this, obviously. They've had the Puckermans over for dinner a couple times, and one day when Noah had to work late and had no one else to call, he called her dad to pick Hannah up from her after-school volleyball practice and keep her until Noah could get there. She loves her fathers for taking care of those two so well. It's not that she doubts Noah can do it himself, it's just that she knows him and if he doesn't take a break every now and again, he's going to lose it. That's why she encourages him to go see Finn and Brittany one weekend when Hannah stays with her aunt, and why she insists he go out with Mike when Hannah is on an overnight school trip to Dayton.
"You know, most chicks wouldn't want their dudes going out like this," he says when he calls her half-drunk from a bar where he's hanging out with Mike.
She laughs into the phone as she walks through Manhattan with one of her friends. "Don't call me a chick, and I know you're not out picking up girls." She pauses and he doesn't say anything. "Right?"
"Fuck you. No."
"I'm just checking!"
"Whatever. You know you're the only girl I want," he says.
She really does love that his emotional filter is almost entirely removed after he's had a few drinks. "Am I?"
"Hmm."
She hears Mike laughing at something, then she hears Noah curse and Tina's voice, and she feels better knowing Tina is there to take care of the guys when they inevitably drink too much.
"Okay, I have to go. I'm jut going into the subway."
"'Kay, baby. I like you," he says, then laughs when she does. "Be safe."
Her heart races more than it should. She knows he worries, but he doesn't say much about it usually. He'll tell her to make sure she doesn't stay out late, or say she has to watch out for crazies, but that's different. She loves it when he comes right out and says something like that.
She loves him, and she desperately wants them to graduate from 'I like you' to something more.
... ... ...
She comes home for three weeks in the summer to see him and also watch Finn and Brittany get married. Maybe to see her dads, too, but it's probably mostly about him so that's what he's going to believe.
(And tell people.)
She's graduated from school now, but she's still living in New York and he's trying his hardest not to be bitter about it. Some days are better than others. He knows why she's doing it, he gets it and supports it or whatever, but part of him still really feels like she could be home if she wanted. (She doesn't want, and that's the whole problem.)
They have a stupid fucking fight for almost the entire first week, because after the first night (and it's so good and they don't sleep at all) he wakes up and she's getting dressed and has plans 'with the girls' and he's pissed at her for ditching him for stupid fucking shopping and lattés or whatever. He hasn't seen her in months and she's fucking off and leaving him already and he doesn't get why she doesn't see that it's a stupid thing to do.
He feels like a fucking girl and he's basically pouting when he rolls over and tells her to get out if she's going. She tells him to stop acting like a child and in hindsight, flipping her off probably isn't the best idea he's ever had.
He's not totally surprised when she doesn't call him for three days, or when she hangs up on him when he calls her after that. He goes to her house and her dad just says, "Whatever you did, she told me not to let you in. Sorry, kid." Yeah, they're good dads and great guys, and he can't really blame them for listening to her, but fuck, he just wants to get over this bullshit so they can hang out and stuff.
He sees her the night of the rehearsal dinner. She's in this green dress that's cut down low between her tits and hits only halfway down her thigh, and the silver heels she has on would make him drool if he was a lesser man. Her hair...he just wants to bury his hands in it. He wants to take her the fuck out of here and apologize for being a dick and remind her why they're so damn good together when he's not being an asshole.
He walks up to her and she turns her back on him at the bar. And he'd complain about it, but her ass looks fucking killer and he loves the way this dress fits. He slides his hand around her hip and leans into her a little to grab his scotch off the bar. She takes a sip of her martini, and her hair tickles his arm and he gets a stellar view of her chest.
"Baby," he murmurs. She leans back against him and he knows he's in. "I'm fucking sorry, okay?" She sighs and shakes her head. "I mean it. I am. I was a dick and you don't deserve that."
"No, I don't."
The first three words she's spoken to him in a damn week and she's basically being a bitch. Only not really because he deserves it and she's pissed for a good reason.
"Missed you," he says, pressing his lips to the hinge of her jaw. "I hate missing you."
"Well then maybe you shouldn't make obscene gestures and upset me," she says quietly, and he realizes he actually hurt her, which he hates.
"Sorry," he says quietly into her ear. "I promise never to give you the finger, unless it's the way you love."
"Noah," she laughs, sliding her hand over his. He loves that she does it. "I suppose that's an alright promise."
"Let's get out of here."
"We just got here and the rehearsal isn't starting for another hour."
He turns her around so she's facing him (fucking beautiful girl). "Let me show you what I can do with a whole hour," he says.
She smiles, but shakes her head at him, leans up to kiss him and says, "Nice try, Noah, but I'm not leaving here until the end of the night, so don't ask me again."
Fuck his life.
He puts both hands on her hips, kisses her a little harder. "You look awesome, by the way," he says. She kisses the corner of his mouth and thanks him, then grabs his hand and pulls him towards their friends.
By the end of the night she's sitting on his lap and she's buzzed from the gin she's been drinking, and when she runs her fingers through the hair above his hair and whispers, "Take me home," he wastes no time saying goodbye and hauling her ass outta that restaurant.
She's laying beneath him on his bed and his sister is asleep down the hall, and Rachel gives him this look that he swears has to mean she loves him, too. He swears it.
... ... ...
It doesn't take much at all to get him to dance with her at the wedding. She just leans over in her seat, wraps her arm around his shoulders and asks if he'll dance with her, and he's pulling her out onto the floor.
And earlier, walking down the aisle with him standing there already, she caught his eye and he smiled this little smile and looked down, and her stomach fluttered and she almost cried. It's not her wedding and god only knows when she'll have hers, but that moment was perfect and she loves him for giving it to her.
She laughs as he spins her around the floor, and he's making fun of the whole thing; Brittany's huge dress, Finn's tie being perpetually crooked, the music, the tiny food portions, the "Christianity of all this shit." She calls him ridiculous and cynical, and he says the best thing about the whole day is her and how hot she looks. She'll take that compliment.
They leave shortly after Finn and Brittany do. Her dads took Hannah home with them earlier, so she and Noah have Quinn, their DD, drop them off at his house shortly after 2:00 in the morning. It takes him less than two minutes before he has her naked, but nothing after that goes very quickly. He makes sure of it.
She's laying in his arms and thinking about their long day, and she says she thinks she'll keep the dress. He kisses her, so she thinks he approves of that idea.
"I had a lot of fun with you today," she says, and part of her is hoping he won't make a vulgar joke about their last couple hours alone.
She means the whole thing, from the first moment he saw her and she saw him, to getting their photographs taken with the rest of the wedding party, to him feeding her cake (only when no one was looking and she wanted a piece of his chocolate in exchange for a bite of her vanilla). She loved dancing with him and how his arm felt wrapped around the back of her chair, and all the things he said in his best man speech.
"Yeah," he says. "Same." He strokes his thumb over the side of her breast as innocently as he's ever done anything. "You wanna get married someday?"
He's drunk. He has to be. Never mind that their last drinks were hours ago and they've most likely worked off all the alcohol. And she doesn't really know if he means ever, to anyone, or ever, to him.
She answers, sort of, the question she's hoping for.
"Maybe you should tell me you love me first."
He laughs quietly and says, "I do love you," and she pulls away abruptly, grasping at something to cover herself with. "What?"
"I didn't think you'd actually say it now!" she admits, eyes wide as she looks at him.
He grabs her and pulls her back so she's laying down with him again. "Well, I did and I do, so say it back already."
Her smile feels like it might crack her face in two and she's never felt so affectionate towards him as she does when she gives him an open mouthed kiss and he returns it closed. It's not awkward and it doesn't make her question anything. It just tells her he doesn't expect her to sleep with him now just because he's said the words. Of course she's going to, and he really must know that. And it doesn't take him long to kiss her the way he usually does. She rolls onto her back, pulling him on top of her, and it feels like seconds before he's hard and between her thighs again and she's saying his name quietly and begging him to push into her already.
"Say it," he says, nipping at her jaw. She turns her head to catch his lips, but he just teases her and takes her bottom one between his briefly before letting it go. "Baby, say it."
She knows this is some kind of game right now, but not a funny one. He wants to hear the words or he won't do what they both want. She pushes her hips towards his, because if he's going to tease her, she's going to tease him.
"Noah."
"Fuck, Rachel," he groans. "Come on. You're...Stop playing."
She smiles a little as she looks up at him, then takes his face in her hands and brushes her thumbs over his cheeks. "You know I do."
He presses against her gently, and she fights to keep her eyes from falling closed. "Do what?"
"God, Noah," she breathes out, drawing his face closer. "I love you."
She falls asleep with his fingers running through her hair and she feels bad closing her eyes because she doesn't want to miss a second of this night with him.
... ... ...
She ends up staying an extra week and he feels pretty fucking smug about it, actually. He begged her (jokingly, mostly) to change her flight and stay in Lima instead of going back to New York to do nothing. The way he sees it, her doing him is way better. A month is the longest he's had her since the summer after high school, and that's really fucked up, if he thinks too hard about it.
She practically lives at his house, which isn't really anything new. She stays and hangs out with Hannah while he goes to work, and he knows the two of them get up to all sorts of girly shit he doesn't have the capacity or ability to do. But coming home to fresh baked cookies or lasagna on the table isn't exactly the worst thing that's ever happened to him. Sometimes Rachel will even have a beer waiting for him, or better yet, be drinking one herself and offer him a sip. (Or he steals from her sometimes, but whatever.)
He notices Hannah's a lot happier when Rachel is around. She laughs a lot more and says the funniest shit ever, and one night after Rachel's gone to bed early (for reasons he doesn't really get) Hannah glares at him, crosses her arms and says, "You better keep her or you're a total moron."
He laughs and tells her to get her ass upstairs and go to bed already.
Rachel's still awake when he slips into his room and closes the door behind him. She's sitting up in bed reading some book. He doesn't catch the title because he's too busy noticing how fucking good she looks in his bed, in her satin nightgown with her hair pulled up and her glass of water on the bedside table. She looks like she belongs there and he thinks she really does.
He pulls off his shirt and steps out of his jeans, slips into bed and plucks the book from her hands. She grabs it back and marks her page, sets it on the table next to her side of the bed.
"Hannah says I should keep you," he murmurs against her arm, kissing her because he can and he wants to.
She laughs a little and sinks down into the mattress. "And what are your thoughts on that?"
"Shut up," he laughs, kissing her.
"You know, it's just going to be harder this time," she says. She covers his mouth before he can say something vulgar. "When I leave."
Yeah, there's still a joke in there but it doesn't seem so funny now.
"Maybe."
"I won't be back until Thanksgiving, probably."
He doesn't know why the fuck she's talking about this now when she doesn't leave for another three days and he doesn't want to. Her talking about leaving is almost as bad as her actually doing it. He doesn't want to hear about it and he thinks it's pretty dumb of her to think he wants to have a conversation with her when she's wearing this satin thing that makes him want to devour her.
"Hey," he says quietly as he kisses along her shoulder to her neck. "Shut up."
She laughs softly and tries to open her mouth to say something, but he kisses her instead and puts his hand between her legs.
"We'll never talk if you keep doing this," she says, eyes closed as she rolls her hips against his hand. "Noah."
He figures he'll just have to make her say his name like that as many times as possible in the next three days in an effort to tide him over until she's back again.
It's a good plan.
(It'll never work.)
... ... ...
Rachel cries once she's back in her apartment in New York, and she hates it, but she can't help it. She's happier in Lima, with Noah, and she's not even going to deny that anymore. She wants to be with him all the time, and she knows everything's better when they're together. She loves him and wants a real relationship with him, and even though neither of them says anything about it, they both have to be wondering how it'll ever work. She wants New York and fame and music and he has responsibilities in a small town she could never, ever do anything in. There's nothing there for her, but at the same time there's the most important thing. It breaks her heart most days, because she can't see him moving he and Hannah to New York and she wouldn't ask him to.
So what does that mean for them?
Hannah is the one who calls her that night. Rachel asks where Noah is and Hannah says he's in the kitchen cleaning up. Hannah's supposed to be sleeping, but she's got a phone in her room and Rachel's number on speed dial.
They both cry when Hannah says she misses Rachel already and it's better when she's 'home'.
"I know, sweetie," Rachel says. "I'll be back soon. I promise."
She doesn't know if it's true, but she says it because it makes them both feel better.
"Noah's barely talked all day. It's weird." Rachel's heart may be breaking or something. She loves him so much it's nearly painful. "I told him to stop being a baby about it."
They both laugh and Rachel wipes her face. "Good. Tell him I said the same thing."
"Do you think he'll be mad I called you?" Hannah asks.
And this is when Rachel realizes she'll probably do anything for either of them, because she completely means it when she says, "Hannah, you can call me any time you like. I don't care what he says." Then she adds, "But no, he won't be mad," for good measure.
Brittany and Santana come visit her in September. She's not sure why, just that they each took long weekends off from work and school, respectively, and decided to go to New York. Rachel's not against the idea of having them stay at her place, and she's completely surprised to find that Santana is an incredibly considerate guest and Brittany is quite the little housekeeper. The girl says Finn loves it and the three of them laugh because none of the guys they know are particularly adept at housework. Noah has someone come once every 10 days to clean the house.
When she drops that little fact into conversation, Santana arches her brow and smiles, and it's not the mean, conniving smile she used to wear almost permanently in high school.
"What?" Rachel asks warily.
"You guys are still really good together."
Rachel shrugs one shoulder. "Yes."
It's the truth.
Brittany's giggling over the rim of her margarita glass as she says, "When you get married, can I be your flower girl?" and they all dissolve into fits of giggles. Santana pulls her phone out and texts Noah despite Rachel's loud, serious, drunken protests, and tells him the whole thing.
He texts Rachel back instead of Santana, and Rachel laughs when she sees 'Wtf?' written out on the screen of her phone.
She types back, 'I don't know. I love you though' and he says he knows and tells her to stop drinking.
The girls spend the next morning nursing their hangovers, and the afternoon shopping. Santana and Brittany are trying to get her to buy a dress she can't necessarily afford and certainly doesn't need, and Brittany snaps a picture with her phone and sends it to Noah. Rachel isn't entirely sure when they all became friends, but she doesn't hate it. She also doesn't hate when Noah calls Brittany's phone to say how 'fucking hot' Rachel looks. (So maybe that's why she buys the dress.) Santana buys them dinner at Butter because she's always hearing about the place on television and wants to say she ate there. The three of them are approached by several men who apparently don't think the rings on Brittany's finger mean anything. Rachel says she's in a relationship and Santana finds reasons not to let any of them buy her drinks.
"What are you hiding?" Rachel asks. She knows it makes it sound like she knows Santana better than she actually does, but turning down free alcohol from attractive men is definitely out of character.
"Nothing."
Brittany laughs and shakes her head. "She's dating this guy."
"Shut up," Santana groans, rolling her eyes. "It's nothing. It's just been a few months or whatever."
So Rachel spends the rest of their dinner gossiping with the girls, and she loves it, this, having friends.
Noah calls her one night in October and she can tell he's had a rough day. He's been having a lot of them lately. Between working, caring for Hannah, and trying to do well in the two courses he's enrolled in to finish out his major, she thinks some days he's barely keeping his head above water, and she really wishes she were there to help him. He sounds exhausted on the phone, and when Hannah asks for help with her homework, he just hands her the phone and Rachel does what she can to help the girl, even as she worries the whole time about him.
"Noah," she says after, when he's back on the line.
"Just...Today fucking sucked."
"I'm sorry."
He usually says 'it's not your fault', but he doesn't this time.
Instead, he sighs and she feels like she might cry. (She does that more these days than she did before.) "My dad called here today," he explains. "Left a fucking voicemail."
"Oh, my god."
"Yeah. Just left a message like it's normal for him to call and ask me to call him back. Fucking...Hannah doesn't even know his voice!" he shouts. She'd tell him to stop yelling, but she knows he needs to do it and it'll make him feel better. "I'm not fucking calling him."
"Noah, you should..."
"Don't," he seethes. She's afraid of that tone of voice and she doesn't know what she'd do if she were standing in front of him and he used it. "Don't fucking take his side."
"I'm not taking his side!" she shouts back. She's angry with him for assuming she'd do that. "I wouldn't anyway, but you know I'm always on your side. I just think...Maybe he wants to help again."
"I don't need it."
"Noah," she says quietly. She knows for a fact that he does need the help, but he's too proud to say it. It's noble of him to want to do this all himself, but he doesn't seem to get, no matter how many times she's told him, that there's no shame in asking for help. "Just hear him out."
"I don't want to. I don't want to talk to him," he says. He's not being petulant, he just doesn't want to do it and she really can't blame him. He didn't hear from the man for over 10 years and now he's calling the house, and she knows why that's upsetting. "I won't."
"Then I will."
There's silence on the line and she's afraid he's going to hate her for saying that. Of course, not really hate her, but there are things she knows he hates, and talking about his father is one of them. She can almost picture him at home, grinding his teeth at the thought of her talking to the man he hates. He's got a protective streak a mile wide and she knows he doesn't want anything to happen to her, so he's not likely to put her into any situation where she could get hurt, even emotionally. If it's avoidable, he's going to make sure it doesn't happen. And god, she loves him for that.
"No."
"This isn't a negotiation," she says, because if he's going to be stubborn, so is she. "I'll call him."
"The fuck you will!" he shouts. "You're not talking to him. No."
She sighs and shakes her head and looks out her window and down onto the street. "Then suck it up and call him, Noah. If he's going to offer you money, you're going to take it. And if it's anything else, you need to know."
"Why are you riding me so hard about this? Damn."
"Because," she whispers. "Because I know you won't stop thinking about it until you know."
She's right and she knows it. He doesn't say goodbye before he hangs up, and her heart is basically broken until he texts her an hour later and says he loves her 'even if she's a pain in the ass'.
... ... ...
He's pissed at her and she's annoying him. He feels bad for thinking it, but he's fucking mad at her for even suggesting she make a phone call to his asshole, deadbeat dad. Fucking ridiculous. She had to know there was (is) no fucking way he'd let her go through with that, and if she was saying that shit just to make him do it himself, that's a shitty move and he's mad at her for making it. Still, he feels like an asshole for hanging up on her like that, so he texts back that he loves her and shit, because even when he's pissed off, that part's still true.
It takes him three days to make the call, and he hardly talks to Rachel during that time because he knows she'll just be on his ass about it. It sucks, 'cause he wants to talk to her and she's probably all sad that he's not, but he just can't deal with her right now along with everything else. Maybe that makes him a pussy but he doesn't care. Most days he just does what he has to do to get by, and hearing her list off all the reasons she's disappointed in him or whatever wouldn't help.
His dad wants to give them more money. He's torn about whether to accept, but they need it and Rachel was right when she said he would. So he says it's fine and his dad commits to sending $1,000 a month to Puck's bank account, and it's going to help a fucking lot, but he doesn't bother saying thank you. The way he sees it, the guy fucked off for years and did nothing, so he's not going to get any gratitude for surrendering some of the money he should have been paying all along.
"I...Maybe someday I could come..."
"Fuck no," Puck interrupts, like the dude's crazy for even thinking it. "No offense, but the money's all we need from you. You didn't want to be around before, so you don't get to be around now."
"Noah, I just want to make sure you're okay."
It sounds sincere, but it's also years too late and Puck doesn't give a shit what the guy wants.
"We're fine. I'm handling it."
They talk for a couple more minutes, but it's all tense and shit and then Puck hears the guy's other kids in the background and he gets pissed and says he has to go. He hangs up the phone and basically immediately calls Rachel and tells her everything, down to the boy and girl he heard through the line. She apologizes, but says she's so proud of him for calling, and it makes him feel better.
"I love you," he says randomly when she's in the middle of a story about going to Central Park with her friends and playing Ultimate Frisbee with a bunch of guys she'd never met.
He doesn't know why the fuck she'd play Ultimate Frisbee in the first place, let alone with a bunch of Columbia frat assholes, but he doesn't like the sound of it. She's hot and it's not a secret, and he knows people probably check her out and she probably gets other offers, but he doesn't want to hear about them because it pisses him off enough when he doesn't hear about them.
"I know," she says, confused.
"Say it back."
She laughs quietly and says, "Deja vu." He groans and hates her for bringing that up, because sometimes he still feels like a douchebag for practically begging her to say it that first time. "Noah, are you jealous?"
"Yeah," he says, like she should already have known he would be. "These dudes get to be around you and I don't, and if you tell me any of them fucking hit on you, I'm gonna be so pissed."
She giggles again and doesn't confirm or deny any of that.
"I love you," she says quietly. "You have absolutely nothing to worry about."
He smiles and starts thinking how it's really fucked that just talking to her can make his day so much better. "No?"
"Of course not, you idiot," she says. She sounds mad and it makes him laugh. "You really think I waited around for you as long as I did only to trade you in for someone else?" He thinks it's rhetorical, so he doesn't answer. "Face it, Noah, you're stuck with me now."
He doesn't tell her, but he thinks that sounds pretty fucking amazing, actually.
He doesn't tell her because he thinks she knows already.
...Chapter 10...
Chapter: 9/13
Rating: R
Character: Puck/Rachel
Summary: He's never really missed a girl before. He never cared enough, really, to miss anyone.
Word Count: 6,500
Disclaimer: Don't own.
Rachel not being in Lima sucks and he hates it. She calls him from LaGuardia and it's loud and he can barely hear anything she says, but he catches on that she landed okay and she's on her way to her apartment. Then she's in a cab and she says something fucking cute about making a playlist during her flight and all the songs remind her of him. And he makes her promise to text him again when she gets to her place. Because New York City is fucking crazy, not because he's a pussy and already misses her or anything.
He doesn't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but missing her isn't even the shittiest thing he's dealing with. Of course he's still not really over his mom passing away and stuff. He's trying to get Hannah back on track, but she's having a way harder time than even he is. It's to be expected, he guesses, since she's younger and it's been just she and his mom for a few years now. So it's not like he doesn't get it, he just doesn't really know how the hell to get her through it.
Her teachers are 'concerned', which pisses him off, because what did they expect? Did they just think she was going to take a week off for the funeral, go back to school and be over the fact that her mom just died? They're not really doing anything to help her, either, and he's pissed about it. Sure, they're being kind of sensitive or whatever, and he talks to Hannah about it (as much as she'll open up to him anyway) to make sure things aren't really bad at school. They aren't, it's just that she doesn't give a shit anymore. She's a super smart kid, but, as Rachel says, Hannah's probably just finding it hard to find perspective; school seems like the stupidest shit in the world compared to all the other crap she's dealing with. That's how he puts it anyway, and when he reiterated that to Rachel, she sighed and said, "Yes, if you think you have to explain it like that." So he's totally right.
The day Hannah gets sent home for fighting, he's proud, then mad. He goes to the school to get her and have a stupid fucking talk with her principal, and it turns out some kid called her an orphan and she lost it on him. Yeah, she kicked a boy's ass. He can't even stop himself from calling the kid a dick and saying he would have done the same thing. The principal isn't happy with him for that but he doesn't give a fuck. He also makes a comment about how if anyone at this fucking school would be sensitive to what Hannah's going through, maybe she could get through it a little quicker.
He feels really fucking good when he slams the door on the way out after they hear Hannah has an in-school suspension for the next three days.
She's quiet in the car and he has to stop by the bank to do something. She decides to stay in the car and he wants to make sure she's not gonna start crying or something, so he hands her a $5 and tells her to go buy him a coffee and get herself whatever she wants from the coffee shop across the street.
They get home and she starts bawling and throws herself on the couch, and he never really knew what to do with her when he could just pass her off on his mom, so he's kinda fucked right now.
He calls Rachel. All he does when she picks up is say, "Just wait," and hand the phone to Hannah, who looks at him like he's stupid before she says hello and runs upstairs.
When she comes back down, she's smiling and gabbing about The Vampire Diaries and some dude named Tyler and how he's 'so cool!' and some chick named Bonnie needs to stop being 'so damn ugly'. He hears Rachel tell Hannah not to use that word, but he just gives his sister a high five in passing for being hilarious.
"What'd you say to her?" he asks Rachel later, after Hannah is in bed and he's exhausted and needs to talk to his girl.
"Nothing."
"Rach," he whines, "come on. What is this, some secret club or something? Damn."
She giggles, which still makes him smile, and says, "I just asked her if her mother would want her fighting anyone over something like that." Fuck, she's smart. No, his mom would legit be pissed and ground the shit out of Hannah for something like this. She'd be all 'Don't let gossip and hurtful words affect you when they're not true'. "Perspective, Noah."
He doesn't know what the fuck he's thinking when he says it, but the next words out of his mouth are, "You're gonna be a fucking awesome mom someday."
He means it, so whatever, but she's all quiet on the line.
"Thank you," she says after a little too long.
He doesn't know if her kids will be his kids too, but to be honest, it's kind of starting to look that way.
... ... ...
Rachel doesn't go to Lima for Spring Break. Mostly because she has midterms to do and papers to turn in and she actually needs to do school work, which she knows she won't do if Noah is around. He's kind of the best and worst distraction, depending on how you look at it.
She knows he's mad at her for it, and she's mad at herself for it, and kind of mad at him for being mad. She needs to finish her year strongly and he knows that, and he just got his job at the best (only) sports clinic in town. It's just administrative work for now, but it's a foot in the door for when he finishes school (whenever that might be) and he can't be asking for time off to entertain her, and if he's not going to entertain her she's not going to spend the money and make the trip.
Maybe she's being selfish, wanting to put school first, but she's always been selfish and he knows that. Their conversations are short and tense for almost a week, until she calls him and tells him flat out that he's being a complete ass and she's sick of it. He says, "Well, kill me for wanting to fucking see you!" and she rolls her eyes and asks if he really feels like she doesn't want to see him.
He tells her to get out of his head and she laughs and it's kind of over.
"Still sucks," he mumbles at the end of their call. She promises to make it up to him, and he says, "I don't know what that means, but I like the way it sounds," in this sexy voice she loves, and she says goodnight a little breathier than usual.
In April, her dads come to visit. They tell her they've been checking in on Noah and Hannah, and she knows this, obviously. They've had the Puckermans over for dinner a couple times, and one day when Noah had to work late and had no one else to call, he called her dad to pick Hannah up from her after-school volleyball practice and keep her until Noah could get there. She loves her fathers for taking care of those two so well. It's not that she doubts Noah can do it himself, it's just that she knows him and if he doesn't take a break every now and again, he's going to lose it. That's why she encourages him to go see Finn and Brittany one weekend when Hannah stays with her aunt, and why she insists he go out with Mike when Hannah is on an overnight school trip to Dayton.
"You know, most chicks wouldn't want their dudes going out like this," he says when he calls her half-drunk from a bar where he's hanging out with Mike.
She laughs into the phone as she walks through Manhattan with one of her friends. "Don't call me a chick, and I know you're not out picking up girls." She pauses and he doesn't say anything. "Right?"
"Fuck you. No."
"I'm just checking!"
"Whatever. You know you're the only girl I want," he says.
She really does love that his emotional filter is almost entirely removed after he's had a few drinks. "Am I?"
"Hmm."
She hears Mike laughing at something, then she hears Noah curse and Tina's voice, and she feels better knowing Tina is there to take care of the guys when they inevitably drink too much.
"Okay, I have to go. I'm jut going into the subway."
"'Kay, baby. I like you," he says, then laughs when she does. "Be safe."
Her heart races more than it should. She knows he worries, but he doesn't say much about it usually. He'll tell her to make sure she doesn't stay out late, or say she has to watch out for crazies, but that's different. She loves it when he comes right out and says something like that.
She loves him, and she desperately wants them to graduate from 'I like you' to something more.
... ... ...
She comes home for three weeks in the summer to see him and also watch Finn and Brittany get married. Maybe to see her dads, too, but it's probably mostly about him so that's what he's going to believe.
(And tell people.)
She's graduated from school now, but she's still living in New York and he's trying his hardest not to be bitter about it. Some days are better than others. He knows why she's doing it, he gets it and supports it or whatever, but part of him still really feels like she could be home if she wanted. (She doesn't want, and that's the whole problem.)
They have a stupid fucking fight for almost the entire first week, because after the first night (and it's so good and they don't sleep at all) he wakes up and she's getting dressed and has plans 'with the girls' and he's pissed at her for ditching him for stupid fucking shopping and lattés or whatever. He hasn't seen her in months and she's fucking off and leaving him already and he doesn't get why she doesn't see that it's a stupid thing to do.
He feels like a fucking girl and he's basically pouting when he rolls over and tells her to get out if she's going. She tells him to stop acting like a child and in hindsight, flipping her off probably isn't the best idea he's ever had.
He's not totally surprised when she doesn't call him for three days, or when she hangs up on him when he calls her after that. He goes to her house and her dad just says, "Whatever you did, she told me not to let you in. Sorry, kid." Yeah, they're good dads and great guys, and he can't really blame them for listening to her, but fuck, he just wants to get over this bullshit so they can hang out and stuff.
He sees her the night of the rehearsal dinner. She's in this green dress that's cut down low between her tits and hits only halfway down her thigh, and the silver heels she has on would make him drool if he was a lesser man. Her hair...he just wants to bury his hands in it. He wants to take her the fuck out of here and apologize for being a dick and remind her why they're so damn good together when he's not being an asshole.
He walks up to her and she turns her back on him at the bar. And he'd complain about it, but her ass looks fucking killer and he loves the way this dress fits. He slides his hand around her hip and leans into her a little to grab his scotch off the bar. She takes a sip of her martini, and her hair tickles his arm and he gets a stellar view of her chest.
"Baby," he murmurs. She leans back against him and he knows he's in. "I'm fucking sorry, okay?" She sighs and shakes her head. "I mean it. I am. I was a dick and you don't deserve that."
"No, I don't."
The first three words she's spoken to him in a damn week and she's basically being a bitch. Only not really because he deserves it and she's pissed for a good reason.
"Missed you," he says, pressing his lips to the hinge of her jaw. "I hate missing you."
"Well then maybe you shouldn't make obscene gestures and upset me," she says quietly, and he realizes he actually hurt her, which he hates.
"Sorry," he says quietly into her ear. "I promise never to give you the finger, unless it's the way you love."
"Noah," she laughs, sliding her hand over his. He loves that she does it. "I suppose that's an alright promise."
"Let's get out of here."
"We just got here and the rehearsal isn't starting for another hour."
He turns her around so she's facing him (fucking beautiful girl). "Let me show you what I can do with a whole hour," he says.
She smiles, but shakes her head at him, leans up to kiss him and says, "Nice try, Noah, but I'm not leaving here until the end of the night, so don't ask me again."
Fuck his life.
He puts both hands on her hips, kisses her a little harder. "You look awesome, by the way," he says. She kisses the corner of his mouth and thanks him, then grabs his hand and pulls him towards their friends.
By the end of the night she's sitting on his lap and she's buzzed from the gin she's been drinking, and when she runs her fingers through the hair above his hair and whispers, "Take me home," he wastes no time saying goodbye and hauling her ass outta that restaurant.
She's laying beneath him on his bed and his sister is asleep down the hall, and Rachel gives him this look that he swears has to mean she loves him, too. He swears it.
... ... ...
It doesn't take much at all to get him to dance with her at the wedding. She just leans over in her seat, wraps her arm around his shoulders and asks if he'll dance with her, and he's pulling her out onto the floor.
And earlier, walking down the aisle with him standing there already, she caught his eye and he smiled this little smile and looked down, and her stomach fluttered and she almost cried. It's not her wedding and god only knows when she'll have hers, but that moment was perfect and she loves him for giving it to her.
She laughs as he spins her around the floor, and he's making fun of the whole thing; Brittany's huge dress, Finn's tie being perpetually crooked, the music, the tiny food portions, the "Christianity of all this shit." She calls him ridiculous and cynical, and he says the best thing about the whole day is her and how hot she looks. She'll take that compliment.
They leave shortly after Finn and Brittany do. Her dads took Hannah home with them earlier, so she and Noah have Quinn, their DD, drop them off at his house shortly after 2:00 in the morning. It takes him less than two minutes before he has her naked, but nothing after that goes very quickly. He makes sure of it.
She's laying in his arms and thinking about their long day, and she says she thinks she'll keep the dress. He kisses her, so she thinks he approves of that idea.
"I had a lot of fun with you today," she says, and part of her is hoping he won't make a vulgar joke about their last couple hours alone.
She means the whole thing, from the first moment he saw her and she saw him, to getting their photographs taken with the rest of the wedding party, to him feeding her cake (only when no one was looking and she wanted a piece of his chocolate in exchange for a bite of her vanilla). She loved dancing with him and how his arm felt wrapped around the back of her chair, and all the things he said in his best man speech.
"Yeah," he says. "Same." He strokes his thumb over the side of her breast as innocently as he's ever done anything. "You wanna get married someday?"
He's drunk. He has to be. Never mind that their last drinks were hours ago and they've most likely worked off all the alcohol. And she doesn't really know if he means ever, to anyone, or ever, to him.
She answers, sort of, the question she's hoping for.
"Maybe you should tell me you love me first."
He laughs quietly and says, "I do love you," and she pulls away abruptly, grasping at something to cover herself with. "What?"
"I didn't think you'd actually say it now!" she admits, eyes wide as she looks at him.
He grabs her and pulls her back so she's laying down with him again. "Well, I did and I do, so say it back already."
Her smile feels like it might crack her face in two and she's never felt so affectionate towards him as she does when she gives him an open mouthed kiss and he returns it closed. It's not awkward and it doesn't make her question anything. It just tells her he doesn't expect her to sleep with him now just because he's said the words. Of course she's going to, and he really must know that. And it doesn't take him long to kiss her the way he usually does. She rolls onto her back, pulling him on top of her, and it feels like seconds before he's hard and between her thighs again and she's saying his name quietly and begging him to push into her already.
"Say it," he says, nipping at her jaw. She turns her head to catch his lips, but he just teases her and takes her bottom one between his briefly before letting it go. "Baby, say it."
She knows this is some kind of game right now, but not a funny one. He wants to hear the words or he won't do what they both want. She pushes her hips towards his, because if he's going to tease her, she's going to tease him.
"Noah."
"Fuck, Rachel," he groans. "Come on. You're...Stop playing."
She smiles a little as she looks up at him, then takes his face in her hands and brushes her thumbs over his cheeks. "You know I do."
He presses against her gently, and she fights to keep her eyes from falling closed. "Do what?"
"God, Noah," she breathes out, drawing his face closer. "I love you."
She falls asleep with his fingers running through her hair and she feels bad closing her eyes because she doesn't want to miss a second of this night with him.
... ... ...
She ends up staying an extra week and he feels pretty fucking smug about it, actually. He begged her (jokingly, mostly) to change her flight and stay in Lima instead of going back to New York to do nothing. The way he sees it, her doing him is way better. A month is the longest he's had her since the summer after high school, and that's really fucked up, if he thinks too hard about it.
She practically lives at his house, which isn't really anything new. She stays and hangs out with Hannah while he goes to work, and he knows the two of them get up to all sorts of girly shit he doesn't have the capacity or ability to do. But coming home to fresh baked cookies or lasagna on the table isn't exactly the worst thing that's ever happened to him. Sometimes Rachel will even have a beer waiting for him, or better yet, be drinking one herself and offer him a sip. (Or he steals from her sometimes, but whatever.)
He notices Hannah's a lot happier when Rachel is around. She laughs a lot more and says the funniest shit ever, and one night after Rachel's gone to bed early (for reasons he doesn't really get) Hannah glares at him, crosses her arms and says, "You better keep her or you're a total moron."
He laughs and tells her to get her ass upstairs and go to bed already.
Rachel's still awake when he slips into his room and closes the door behind him. She's sitting up in bed reading some book. He doesn't catch the title because he's too busy noticing how fucking good she looks in his bed, in her satin nightgown with her hair pulled up and her glass of water on the bedside table. She looks like she belongs there and he thinks she really does.
He pulls off his shirt and steps out of his jeans, slips into bed and plucks the book from her hands. She grabs it back and marks her page, sets it on the table next to her side of the bed.
"Hannah says I should keep you," he murmurs against her arm, kissing her because he can and he wants to.
She laughs a little and sinks down into the mattress. "And what are your thoughts on that?"
"Shut up," he laughs, kissing her.
"You know, it's just going to be harder this time," she says. She covers his mouth before he can say something vulgar. "When I leave."
Yeah, there's still a joke in there but it doesn't seem so funny now.
"Maybe."
"I won't be back until Thanksgiving, probably."
He doesn't know why the fuck she's talking about this now when she doesn't leave for another three days and he doesn't want to. Her talking about leaving is almost as bad as her actually doing it. He doesn't want to hear about it and he thinks it's pretty dumb of her to think he wants to have a conversation with her when she's wearing this satin thing that makes him want to devour her.
"Hey," he says quietly as he kisses along her shoulder to her neck. "Shut up."
She laughs softly and tries to open her mouth to say something, but he kisses her instead and puts his hand between her legs.
"We'll never talk if you keep doing this," she says, eyes closed as she rolls her hips against his hand. "Noah."
He figures he'll just have to make her say his name like that as many times as possible in the next three days in an effort to tide him over until she's back again.
It's a good plan.
(It'll never work.)
... ... ...
Rachel cries once she's back in her apartment in New York, and she hates it, but she can't help it. She's happier in Lima, with Noah, and she's not even going to deny that anymore. She wants to be with him all the time, and she knows everything's better when they're together. She loves him and wants a real relationship with him, and even though neither of them says anything about it, they both have to be wondering how it'll ever work. She wants New York and fame and music and he has responsibilities in a small town she could never, ever do anything in. There's nothing there for her, but at the same time there's the most important thing. It breaks her heart most days, because she can't see him moving he and Hannah to New York and she wouldn't ask him to.
So what does that mean for them?
Hannah is the one who calls her that night. Rachel asks where Noah is and Hannah says he's in the kitchen cleaning up. Hannah's supposed to be sleeping, but she's got a phone in her room and Rachel's number on speed dial.
They both cry when Hannah says she misses Rachel already and it's better when she's 'home'.
"I know, sweetie," Rachel says. "I'll be back soon. I promise."
She doesn't know if it's true, but she says it because it makes them both feel better.
"Noah's barely talked all day. It's weird." Rachel's heart may be breaking or something. She loves him so much it's nearly painful. "I told him to stop being a baby about it."
They both laugh and Rachel wipes her face. "Good. Tell him I said the same thing."
"Do you think he'll be mad I called you?" Hannah asks.
And this is when Rachel realizes she'll probably do anything for either of them, because she completely means it when she says, "Hannah, you can call me any time you like. I don't care what he says." Then she adds, "But no, he won't be mad," for good measure.
Brittany and Santana come visit her in September. She's not sure why, just that they each took long weekends off from work and school, respectively, and decided to go to New York. Rachel's not against the idea of having them stay at her place, and she's completely surprised to find that Santana is an incredibly considerate guest and Brittany is quite the little housekeeper. The girl says Finn loves it and the three of them laugh because none of the guys they know are particularly adept at housework. Noah has someone come once every 10 days to clean the house.
When she drops that little fact into conversation, Santana arches her brow and smiles, and it's not the mean, conniving smile she used to wear almost permanently in high school.
"What?" Rachel asks warily.
"You guys are still really good together."
Rachel shrugs one shoulder. "Yes."
It's the truth.
Brittany's giggling over the rim of her margarita glass as she says, "When you get married, can I be your flower girl?" and they all dissolve into fits of giggles. Santana pulls her phone out and texts Noah despite Rachel's loud, serious, drunken protests, and tells him the whole thing.
He texts Rachel back instead of Santana, and Rachel laughs when she sees 'Wtf?' written out on the screen of her phone.
She types back, 'I don't know. I love you though' and he says he knows and tells her to stop drinking.
The girls spend the next morning nursing their hangovers, and the afternoon shopping. Santana and Brittany are trying to get her to buy a dress she can't necessarily afford and certainly doesn't need, and Brittany snaps a picture with her phone and sends it to Noah. Rachel isn't entirely sure when they all became friends, but she doesn't hate it. She also doesn't hate when Noah calls Brittany's phone to say how 'fucking hot' Rachel looks. (So maybe that's why she buys the dress.) Santana buys them dinner at Butter because she's always hearing about the place on television and wants to say she ate there. The three of them are approached by several men who apparently don't think the rings on Brittany's finger mean anything. Rachel says she's in a relationship and Santana finds reasons not to let any of them buy her drinks.
"What are you hiding?" Rachel asks. She knows it makes it sound like she knows Santana better than she actually does, but turning down free alcohol from attractive men is definitely out of character.
"Nothing."
Brittany laughs and shakes her head. "She's dating this guy."
"Shut up," Santana groans, rolling her eyes. "It's nothing. It's just been a few months or whatever."
So Rachel spends the rest of their dinner gossiping with the girls, and she loves it, this, having friends.
Noah calls her one night in October and she can tell he's had a rough day. He's been having a lot of them lately. Between working, caring for Hannah, and trying to do well in the two courses he's enrolled in to finish out his major, she thinks some days he's barely keeping his head above water, and she really wishes she were there to help him. He sounds exhausted on the phone, and when Hannah asks for help with her homework, he just hands her the phone and Rachel does what she can to help the girl, even as she worries the whole time about him.
"Noah," she says after, when he's back on the line.
"Just...Today fucking sucked."
"I'm sorry."
He usually says 'it's not your fault', but he doesn't this time.
Instead, he sighs and she feels like she might cry. (She does that more these days than she did before.) "My dad called here today," he explains. "Left a fucking voicemail."
"Oh, my god."
"Yeah. Just left a message like it's normal for him to call and ask me to call him back. Fucking...Hannah doesn't even know his voice!" he shouts. She'd tell him to stop yelling, but she knows he needs to do it and it'll make him feel better. "I'm not fucking calling him."
"Noah, you should..."
"Don't," he seethes. She's afraid of that tone of voice and she doesn't know what she'd do if she were standing in front of him and he used it. "Don't fucking take his side."
"I'm not taking his side!" she shouts back. She's angry with him for assuming she'd do that. "I wouldn't anyway, but you know I'm always on your side. I just think...Maybe he wants to help again."
"I don't need it."
"Noah," she says quietly. She knows for a fact that he does need the help, but he's too proud to say it. It's noble of him to want to do this all himself, but he doesn't seem to get, no matter how many times she's told him, that there's no shame in asking for help. "Just hear him out."
"I don't want to. I don't want to talk to him," he says. He's not being petulant, he just doesn't want to do it and she really can't blame him. He didn't hear from the man for over 10 years and now he's calling the house, and she knows why that's upsetting. "I won't."
"Then I will."
There's silence on the line and she's afraid he's going to hate her for saying that. Of course, not really hate her, but there are things she knows he hates, and talking about his father is one of them. She can almost picture him at home, grinding his teeth at the thought of her talking to the man he hates. He's got a protective streak a mile wide and she knows he doesn't want anything to happen to her, so he's not likely to put her into any situation where she could get hurt, even emotionally. If it's avoidable, he's going to make sure it doesn't happen. And god, she loves him for that.
"No."
"This isn't a negotiation," she says, because if he's going to be stubborn, so is she. "I'll call him."
"The fuck you will!" he shouts. "You're not talking to him. No."
She sighs and shakes her head and looks out her window and down onto the street. "Then suck it up and call him, Noah. If he's going to offer you money, you're going to take it. And if it's anything else, you need to know."
"Why are you riding me so hard about this? Damn."
"Because," she whispers. "Because I know you won't stop thinking about it until you know."
She's right and she knows it. He doesn't say goodbye before he hangs up, and her heart is basically broken until he texts her an hour later and says he loves her 'even if she's a pain in the ass'.
... ... ...
He's pissed at her and she's annoying him. He feels bad for thinking it, but he's fucking mad at her for even suggesting she make a phone call to his asshole, deadbeat dad. Fucking ridiculous. She had to know there was (is) no fucking way he'd let her go through with that, and if she was saying that shit just to make him do it himself, that's a shitty move and he's mad at her for making it. Still, he feels like an asshole for hanging up on her like that, so he texts back that he loves her and shit, because even when he's pissed off, that part's still true.
It takes him three days to make the call, and he hardly talks to Rachel during that time because he knows she'll just be on his ass about it. It sucks, 'cause he wants to talk to her and she's probably all sad that he's not, but he just can't deal with her right now along with everything else. Maybe that makes him a pussy but he doesn't care. Most days he just does what he has to do to get by, and hearing her list off all the reasons she's disappointed in him or whatever wouldn't help.
His dad wants to give them more money. He's torn about whether to accept, but they need it and Rachel was right when she said he would. So he says it's fine and his dad commits to sending $1,000 a month to Puck's bank account, and it's going to help a fucking lot, but he doesn't bother saying thank you. The way he sees it, the guy fucked off for years and did nothing, so he's not going to get any gratitude for surrendering some of the money he should have been paying all along.
"I...Maybe someday I could come..."
"Fuck no," Puck interrupts, like the dude's crazy for even thinking it. "No offense, but the money's all we need from you. You didn't want to be around before, so you don't get to be around now."
"Noah, I just want to make sure you're okay."
It sounds sincere, but it's also years too late and Puck doesn't give a shit what the guy wants.
"We're fine. I'm handling it."
They talk for a couple more minutes, but it's all tense and shit and then Puck hears the guy's other kids in the background and he gets pissed and says he has to go. He hangs up the phone and basically immediately calls Rachel and tells her everything, down to the boy and girl he heard through the line. She apologizes, but says she's so proud of him for calling, and it makes him feel better.
"I love you," he says randomly when she's in the middle of a story about going to Central Park with her friends and playing Ultimate Frisbee with a bunch of guys she'd never met.
He doesn't know why the fuck she'd play Ultimate Frisbee in the first place, let alone with a bunch of Columbia frat assholes, but he doesn't like the sound of it. She's hot and it's not a secret, and he knows people probably check her out and she probably gets other offers, but he doesn't want to hear about them because it pisses him off enough when he doesn't hear about them.
"I know," she says, confused.
"Say it back."
She laughs quietly and says, "Deja vu." He groans and hates her for bringing that up, because sometimes he still feels like a douchebag for practically begging her to say it that first time. "Noah, are you jealous?"
"Yeah," he says, like she should already have known he would be. "These dudes get to be around you and I don't, and if you tell me any of them fucking hit on you, I'm gonna be so pissed."
She giggles again and doesn't confirm or deny any of that.
"I love you," she says quietly. "You have absolutely nothing to worry about."
He smiles and starts thinking how it's really fucked that just talking to her can make his day so much better. "No?"
"Of course not, you idiot," she says. She sounds mad and it makes him laugh. "You really think I waited around for you as long as I did only to trade you in for someone else?" He thinks it's rhetorical, so he doesn't answer. "Face it, Noah, you're stuck with me now."
He doesn't tell her, but he thinks that sounds pretty fucking amazing, actually.
He doesn't tell her because he thinks she knows already.
...Chapter 10...