DRIVER'S ED #1 - GETTING INTO THAT (GODAMN) CAR
*The students are outside in a small group in the stadium. The place has been arranged to look like a large racetrack. There are a bunch of cars of various stages of decomposition.
Goroh arrives with the Fire Stingray at top speed, knocking out a couple of trees along the way and slamming into one of the parked cars, making it EXPLODE in a FIERY INFERNO.*
HELLO STUDENTS OF THIS SCHOOL ESTABLISHMENT! *steps out of the car and does three backflips for no goddamn reason*
MY NAME IS
SAMURAI GOROH
AND I SHALL BE YOUR DRIVER'S ED TEACHER.
WHAT EXACTLY IS DRIVER'S ED? WELL, YOU WILL LEARN MANY THINGS SUCH AS:
- DRIVING CARS
- DRIVING CARS INTO THINGS
- DRIVING CARS INTO OTHER THINGS
- GETTING INTO A CAR TO DRIVE A CAR INTO OTHER THINGS, LIKE A CAR.
- REPAIRING YOUR CAR
NOW, EVEN IF MY NAME HAS SAMURAI IN IT, I AM ALSO A NINJA. A FAT NINJA.
IN FACT, I HAVE MY OWN NINJA CLAN BACK AT HOME AND I FIGURED SINCE I AM HERE RIGHT NOW, I MIGHT AS WELL ALL GIVE YOU A HEADBAND TO MARK THIS GLORIOUS OCCASION OF HAVING ME AS YOUR NEW SENSAI.
*On a table is a box filled with Ninja headbands of various colors, from black, to blue to hot pink. They all have the same writing on them, however:*
THE HEADBANDS ARE YOURS AND MAKE YOU AS PART OF THE FIRE FIELD NINJA FAMILY. FEEL FREE TO WEAR THEM WHENEVER YOU WANT . WHILE THEY DO NOT GIVE YOU INFINITE AMMO, YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO BACKFLIPS WITH THEM. LIKE ME.
YOU ARE ALSO GETTING YOUR OWN NINJA SUITS. THEY ARE BLACK AND WITH HOODS AND ARE AWESOME.
NOW LET'S ALL LEARN HOW NINJAS GET INTO THEIR CARS. CAUSE DOING IT THE COP WAY SUCKS
NINJAS DO NOT REQUIRE A KEY TO GET INTO THEIR CAR. MOSTLY BECAUSE NINJAS ARE A SECRETIVE AND ANCIENT CLAN OF FIGHTERS THAT DO THINGS BY CAUSING MASS HYSTERIA.
TO DO THIS YOU HAVE MULTIPLE WEAPONS AT YOUR DISPOSAL.
*Puts out another huge box filled with ninga-like weapons, like SHARP SWORDS, SURIKEN, SAI, BOS, NUNCHUCKS, BOLAS)*
OF COURSE, IF THIS DOES NOT WORK, THERE IS THE ULTIMATE NINJA WEAPON
TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THAT THIS WEAPON HAS EVEN BEEN USED TO SAVE THE WORLD FROM ALIENS A COUPLE OF TIMES.
TO GET INTO A CAR, YOU FIRST DO THIS:
AND IT WILL WORK WITH MOST CARS.
OKAY NOW THAT YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A GODAMN CAR, YOU NEED GOOD NINJAMUSIC TO PLAY IN THEIR CARS, PREFERABLY LOUD AND WITH M RATED LYRICS. HERE IS MY SUGGESTION FOR TODAY:
TO START YOUR CAR, SINCE YOU DO NOT HAVE A KEY FOR REASONS, MOSTLY BECAUSE YOU ARE A NINJA ON A MISSION, YOU CAN FORCE IT TO START. LIKE THIS.
*Drives a sword into the electrical sockets, causing it to jump start. Goroh then beams.*
YOU CAN ALSO TRY YELLING AT IT, THAT DOES WORK AT TIMES.
NOW, I WANT ALL OF YOU TO PUT ON YOUR HEADBAND AND SHOW ME HOW YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR. BONUS POINTS FOR CREATIVITY.
AFTER THAT, YOU CAN DRIVE YOUR FUCKING CAR AROUND THESE CONES *points to the driving area*. THE MORE CONES YOU KNOCK OUT, THE BETTER YOUR GRADE! THE STUDENTS WITH THE BEST GRADES GET TO RIDE THE
FIRE STINGRAY!
THEN WE CAN HAVE SOME
BUBBLE TEA
NINJAS LOVE BUBBLE TEA.
OKAY! LET'S GET STARTED ON THIS SHIT! FIRST STUDENT! *points to person in the middle of the stadium*
GET DOWN HERE AND SHOW US YOUR MOVIES NINJA SKILLS!
Goroh arrives with the Fire Stingray at top speed, knocking out a couple of trees along the way and slamming into one of the parked cars, making it EXPLODE in a FIERY INFERNO.*
HELLO STUDENTS OF THIS SCHOOL ESTABLISHMENT! *steps out of the car and does three backflips for no goddamn reason*
MY NAME IS
SAMURAI GOROH
AND I SHALL BE YOUR DRIVER'S ED TEACHER.
WHAT EXACTLY IS DRIVER'S ED? WELL, YOU WILL LEARN MANY THINGS SUCH AS:
- DRIVING CARS
- DRIVING CARS INTO THINGS
- DRIVING CARS INTO OTHER THINGS
- GETTING INTO A CAR TO DRIVE A CAR INTO OTHER THINGS, LIKE A CAR.
- REPAIRING YOUR CAR
NOW, EVEN IF MY NAME HAS SAMURAI IN IT, I AM ALSO A NINJA. A FAT NINJA.
IN FACT, I HAVE MY OWN NINJA CLAN BACK AT HOME AND I FIGURED SINCE I AM HERE RIGHT NOW, I MIGHT AS WELL ALL GIVE YOU A HEADBAND TO MARK THIS GLORIOUS OCCASION OF HAVING ME AS YOUR NEW SENSAI.
*On a table is a box filled with Ninja headbands of various colors, from black, to blue to hot pink. They all have the same writing on them, however:*
THE HEADBANDS ARE YOURS AND MAKE YOU AS PART OF THE FIRE FIELD NINJA FAMILY. FEEL FREE TO WEAR THEM WHENEVER YOU WANT . WHILE THEY DO NOT GIVE YOU INFINITE AMMO, YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO BACKFLIPS WITH THEM. LIKE ME.
YOU ARE ALSO GETTING YOUR OWN NINJA SUITS. THEY ARE BLACK AND WITH HOODS AND ARE AWESOME.
NOW LET'S ALL LEARN HOW NINJAS GET INTO THEIR CARS. CAUSE DOING IT THE COP WAY SUCKS
NINJAS DO NOT REQUIRE A KEY TO GET INTO THEIR CAR. MOSTLY BECAUSE NINJAS ARE A SECRETIVE AND ANCIENT CLAN OF FIGHTERS THAT DO THINGS BY CAUSING MASS HYSTERIA.
TO DO THIS YOU HAVE MULTIPLE WEAPONS AT YOUR DISPOSAL.
*Puts out another huge box filled with ninga-like weapons, like SHARP SWORDS, SURIKEN, SAI, BOS, NUNCHUCKS, BOLAS)*
OF COURSE, IF THIS DOES NOT WORK, THERE IS THE ULTIMATE NINJA WEAPON
TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THAT THIS WEAPON HAS EVEN BEEN USED TO SAVE THE WORLD FROM ALIENS A COUPLE OF TIMES.
TO GET INTO A CAR, YOU FIRST DO THIS:
AND IT WILL WORK WITH MOST CARS.
OKAY NOW THAT YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A GODAMN CAR, YOU NEED GOOD NINJAMUSIC TO PLAY IN THEIR CARS, PREFERABLY LOUD AND WITH M RATED LYRICS. HERE IS MY SUGGESTION FOR TODAY:
Click to viewTO START YOUR CAR, SINCE YOU DO NOT HAVE A KEY FOR REASONS, MOSTLY BECAUSE YOU ARE A NINJA ON A MISSION, YOU CAN FORCE IT TO START. LIKE THIS.
*Drives a sword into the electrical sockets, causing it to jump start. Goroh then beams.*
YOU CAN ALSO TRY YELLING AT IT, THAT DOES WORK AT TIMES.
NOW, I WANT ALL OF YOU TO PUT ON YOUR HEADBAND AND SHOW ME HOW YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR. BONUS POINTS FOR CREATIVITY.
AFTER THAT, YOU CAN DRIVE YOUR FUCKING CAR AROUND THESE CONES *points to the driving area*. THE MORE CONES YOU KNOCK OUT, THE BETTER YOUR GRADE! THE STUDENTS WITH THE BEST GRADES GET TO RIDE THE
FIRE STINGRAY!
THEN WE CAN HAVE SOME
BUBBLE TEA
NINJAS LOVE BUBBLE TEA.
OKAY! LET'S GET STARTED ON THIS SHIT! FIRST STUDENT! *points to person in the middle of the stadium*
GET DOWN HERE AND SHOW US YOUR MOVIES NINJA SKILLS!