I don't know what to do with myself
Well, the title pretty much sums it up. I have reached the end of my rope and it's really scary. I broke into Jovi's house today. (Well, not really, his brother left the door open for me) But I tore his room apart. I found incriminating evidence and I used it against him. I left it all on his bed to see and wrote him a two page letter while sitting in the dark of his house this morning at 8:30 waiting for him to come home cause he hadn't been home all night. I figured he was with whatever hoe he'd been cheating on me with. And he had a sugar mama. She would give him money and he would tell me it was his grandma that gave him the money. I stole the wedding rings from the house too. I figured he'd get the point when they were returned to the store. Yeah they might be under his credit but what can he say?...my name is on the receipt too. "My fiance stole her wedding ring?"...what a dumbass. Why is it that I can never find a guy that will treat me good. I mean really good. Jovi was obsessive and possessive and in reality he was the one cheating on me numerous times....i only cheated on him once. and you know that now that we are broken up i can tell the truth...but it was the truth all along...i only cheated on him once.....Well, I actually talked to him and he said he didn't have long to talk because the Navy recruiter was waiting for him to take him to Corpus to take his last test before he went to San Antonio. (yeah he joined the Navy to "take care of me"...which now I don't know why cause he doesn't care obviously because he cheated on me.) And when I talked to him he said he never cheated on me and he couldn't believe that I was accusing him of cheating when he joined the Navy for "ME".....well I believe it when it was HIS BROTHER that told me he cheated on me and all the dirt he really had under his nails. I even talked to one of the bitches. And I have all his phone numbers and a video of what I did to his room. He was yelling at me because he wanted "HIS" rings and "HE" paid for them so it was theft. Well, well, well......Mr. Spiteful Little Bastard. Let's see when you get those rings back.
The whole way this thing came about was when he wanted to sit down with my parents and tell them he was going to go into the Navy and he wanted to take care of me and support me with out them having to worry. My dad told him he'd have to be a fool to let his 18 year old daughter fresh out of high school, get married to someone that has no job and no ambition.My dad laid into him and so did my mom. Mostly about the controlling part and the abuse of my emotions and my mental state of mind And i was there just sitting in the world that i felt i created and was all my fault and there was nothing i could do about it. I was numb. I had a headache and i couldn't stop crying. I felt as if Jovi was sitting there right next to me whispering in my ear not to say anything that would upset him...and we were in front of my parents and i still felt controlled even though he was doing nothing.They told him not to be joining the Navy for my dad, mom,or me. Especially me....for him to do it for himself because that is what he wanted to do. I never wanted him to sign his life away for me. I just wanted him to change for me for the better. I want him to be my best friend again and continue learning about each other and helping each other with our problems and getting through them one day at a time. I don't know if he can change, or is willing to change. But I hope he does.
He wants me to wait for him while he is doing his basic. And I will under my circumstances. I have to be left here a single girl. But I will stay faithful to him if he will to me and if I can see that he is changing for the better.
I told him yesterday that he beat me down emotionally and mentally and that I was weak and that I needed to have some time to myself to thing and he got so mad. And he accepted it harshly and let me go but he never once said "I'm sorry. I didn't know that I was making you feel this way. I never want you to have to feel this way again and ...so on and so forth." But no he was spiteful about the whole situation. He doesn't know what kind of state of mind he left me in. And I really don't know if he just doesn't care. But he said that he'd call me back later. and if he does I'd be surprised because he is yellow-bellied and i don't need that shit..........IT'S JUST TOO BAD THE SEX WAS SO GREAT!!! But I'm SMASHLEY...I can teach anyone to do what I taught him!!......LOL @ those HOES!!!
The whole way this thing came about was when he wanted to sit down with my parents and tell them he was going to go into the Navy and he wanted to take care of me and support me with out them having to worry. My dad told him he'd have to be a fool to let his 18 year old daughter fresh out of high school, get married to someone that has no job and no ambition.My dad laid into him and so did my mom. Mostly about the controlling part and the abuse of my emotions and my mental state of mind And i was there just sitting in the world that i felt i created and was all my fault and there was nothing i could do about it. I was numb. I had a headache and i couldn't stop crying. I felt as if Jovi was sitting there right next to me whispering in my ear not to say anything that would upset him...and we were in front of my parents and i still felt controlled even though he was doing nothing.They told him not to be joining the Navy for my dad, mom,or me. Especially me....for him to do it for himself because that is what he wanted to do. I never wanted him to sign his life away for me. I just wanted him to change for me for the better. I want him to be my best friend again and continue learning about each other and helping each other with our problems and getting through them one day at a time. I don't know if he can change, or is willing to change. But I hope he does.
He wants me to wait for him while he is doing his basic. And I will under my circumstances. I have to be left here a single girl. But I will stay faithful to him if he will to me and if I can see that he is changing for the better.
I told him yesterday that he beat me down emotionally and mentally and that I was weak and that I needed to have some time to myself to thing and he got so mad. And he accepted it harshly and let me go but he never once said "I'm sorry. I didn't know that I was making you feel this way. I never want you to have to feel this way again and ...so on and so forth." But no he was spiteful about the whole situation. He doesn't know what kind of state of mind he left me in. And I really don't know if he just doesn't care. But he said that he'd call me back later. and if he does I'd be surprised because he is yellow-bellied and i don't need that shit..........IT'S JUST TOO BAD THE SEX WAS SO GREAT!!! But I'm SMASHLEY...I can teach anyone to do what I taught him!!......LOL @ those HOES!!!