(no subject)
Upwards they said. Just upwards.
And for some reason, Alex felt she could trust these voices. They comforted her, wrapping around her like a warm blanket. So she continued upwards.
Up. Above her body. Above the ambulance whose lights were flashing and whose siren was blaring.
Above the clouds. Above the sun.
Above thought and pain. Above the world.
Alex wasn’t sure how she knew when to stop. She just did. And she sat down calmly on the edge of a cloud, her feet dangling into the blue sky as she stared at the world she had just left behind.
And her eyes zoned in on Olivia and she realized that she had not made it above sadness and grief.
She watched the older woman scream, but couldn’t hear what she was saying. Watched her try and break free of Elliot’s clutches to stop them from taking Alex’s body away.
Alex sighed as she watched the bag zip shut over her face, the shell of herself that she’d left behind.
They’d bury it in the ground, under layers and layers of dirt, not realizing that the real Alex sat above them, watching everything with a tear-stained face, longing to whisper in their ears and tell everyone that she was okay. She was safe.
Safe. She liked the sound of that word, the way it felt as it fell from her lips. Safe.
And she felt a presence beside her, a voice whispering in her ear. Go to her it said. Go to her.
And she knew who she had to go to. She had to go to Olivia. She had to go back down, down into the realm of thought and pain so that she could make sure someone else was safe.
Down into the realm where she was once Alexandra Cabot, respected ADA. Into the realm where she was completely and irreversibly in love with Olivia Benson and had never gotten up the courage to tell her. She’d always told herself there was time. There was always time.
But there wasn’t. Time had run out. And the voice told her that she could still be with the one she loved. Maybe not in the way she’d imagined and maybe Olivia would never know. But Olivia would have an idea, would be able to feel her presence.
So Alex descended a spiral staircase back to Earth, positioning herself beside the woman she loved. She rested a slender hand on her shoulder, a gentle frown creasing her brow. She could feel Olivia, the warm leather jacket slick beneath her fingers.
But Olivia couldn’t see her, hear her, feel her. Olivia couldn’t know that she was okay.
And it was then that Alex heard the words fall from the detective’s lips, as if the older woman knew it was her chance to say them.
“I love you, Alex.”
And as the tears fell down her cheeks, Alex leaned closely to the brunette’s ear and whispered her response.
And for some reason, Alex felt she could trust these voices. They comforted her, wrapping around her like a warm blanket. So she continued upwards.
Up. Above her body. Above the ambulance whose lights were flashing and whose siren was blaring.
Above the clouds. Above the sun.
Above thought and pain. Above the world.
Alex wasn’t sure how she knew when to stop. She just did. And she sat down calmly on the edge of a cloud, her feet dangling into the blue sky as she stared at the world she had just left behind.
And her eyes zoned in on Olivia and she realized that she had not made it above sadness and grief.
She watched the older woman scream, but couldn’t hear what she was saying. Watched her try and break free of Elliot’s clutches to stop them from taking Alex’s body away.
Alex sighed as she watched the bag zip shut over her face, the shell of herself that she’d left behind.
They’d bury it in the ground, under layers and layers of dirt, not realizing that the real Alex sat above them, watching everything with a tear-stained face, longing to whisper in their ears and tell everyone that she was okay. She was safe.
Safe. She liked the sound of that word, the way it felt as it fell from her lips. Safe.
And she felt a presence beside her, a voice whispering in her ear. Go to her it said. Go to her.
And she knew who she had to go to. She had to go to Olivia. She had to go back down, down into the realm of thought and pain so that she could make sure someone else was safe.
Down into the realm where she was once Alexandra Cabot, respected ADA. Into the realm where she was completely and irreversibly in love with Olivia Benson and had never gotten up the courage to tell her. She’d always told herself there was time. There was always time.
But there wasn’t. Time had run out. And the voice told her that she could still be with the one she loved. Maybe not in the way she’d imagined and maybe Olivia would never know. But Olivia would have an idea, would be able to feel her presence.
So Alex descended a spiral staircase back to Earth, positioning herself beside the woman she loved. She rested a slender hand on her shoulder, a gentle frown creasing her brow. She could feel Olivia, the warm leather jacket slick beneath her fingers.
But Olivia couldn’t see her, hear her, feel her. Olivia couldn’t know that she was okay.
And it was then that Alex heard the words fall from the detective’s lips, as if the older woman knew it was her chance to say them.
“I love you, Alex.”
And as the tears fell down her cheeks, Alex leaned closely to the brunette’s ear and whispered her response.