(no subject)
Title: The Edge of It All
Fandom: SVU
Pairing: Alex/Olivia
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own them.
Spoilers: For Simon's entire story arc.
A/N: This is a Hannah-verse fic. Alex realizes it's up to her to save what's left of their relationship.
A/N 2: As always, HUGE thanks to cherokee62 for her help with this entire series.
Alex clutched the bottle of wine tighter in her hand as she stared at the intercom. All she had to do was lift her finger and press the button. That’s it.
But it wasn’t that simple. Not really.
Her stomach twisted into knots. All Olivia had to do was hear her voice and she could deny her access to the building. And then what would Alex do? Something in her told her that she only had one chance, one shot to make things right with the detective and there was absolutely no way she could express any bit of what she was feeling through a small box in a brick wall where anyone could intrude upon their conversation. And she knew Olivia well enough to know that if she didn’t fix things, Olivia definitely wouldn’t let her in. She’d been stubborn before but time seemed to have intensified that trait and tinged it with bitterness, especially when directed at the blonde. Not that Alex could really blame her, though.
She sighed, rocking on her feet, just debating what to do. And then it happened. It was like a sign from the heavens. The door beside her opened and a man walked out. Alex took her chance and snatched the door, slipping inside and darting for the stairs before anyone could question her right to be there.
Olivia had moved since Alex had last been to her home, so many years ago, and Alex found the unfamiliar hallway daunting as she walked down it. She breathed deeply as she stopped in front of Olivia’s apartment, now finding herself confronted with a closed door instead of an intercom. But she’d made it this far and this really was her last chance so with those thoughts in mind, she finally lifted her hand and knocked.
A long moment passed and Alex was just starting to think it would be her luck that Olivia wasn’t around when she finally heard the chain sliding and the door opened.
“What the hell do you want?” Olivia snarled.
Alex swallowed hard, holding out the bottle of wine, her hand shaking slightly. “Peace offering,” she said quietly.
“Thanks but no thanks.” Olivia moved to shut the door.
Alex’s hand shot out and she flattened her palm against the door, keeping it open. “Please hear me out.”
Olivia frowned deeper at her defiance. “Why should I?”
Alex sighed. “Because I’m an idiot and I know that now and I need a chance to make things right.”
“You’ve had plenty of chances. What makes now different?”
Alex breathed deeply. “I woke up this morning and I realized that this is it. These are the lives we’re given and somewhere down the line, I’d forgotten how to be Alex Cabot.” She locked eyes with the brunette. “And you help me remember.” She swallowed hard. “I was being a child. I was refusing to take responsibility for my own actions because I’d convinced myself that I wasn’t me. I know I don’t make sense. My whole life stopped making sense a long time ago. But I’m not asking for sympathy anymore. I’m not even asking you to understand. I’m asking you to let me in because if you don’t, then where are we?”
She could see Olivia trying to fight with herself but eventually her face softened and she stepped back, trying to keep a harsh tone in her voice.
“Fine,” she said. “Make it quick.”
Alex nodded a little and stepped into the living room, chewing on her lip. “Mind if I sit down?”
“Whatever.”
Alex sighed and sank down on the couch, placing the wine awkwardly on the coffee table. She shifted slightly, watching as Olivia sank down in the recliner. She gazed at the brunette for a long moment, realizing that all the things she’d wanted to say were slowly slipping from her mind now that she was here.
“So?” Olivia finally huffed, shifting impatiently in the chair.
Alex bit her lip, dropping her gaze to her lap, unable to stomach the anger and pain she could see in Olivia’s eyes. Whether the detective liked it or not, she always was an open book.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so so sorry.”
“A bit late for that, don’t you think?”
Alex winced slightly. “I know.” She sighed. “I’m well aware of how stupid I am. I’ve had time to do a lot of thinking, a lot of soul searching and I know that I am very much in the wrong here. I-I just… I don’t know what to say but ‘I’m sorry.’” She finally looked up again. “It’s like… everything’s just gone. I just… don’t have words anymore for anything happening in my life because I never thought it would be like this. And damnit… I don’t know what to say without making it sound like I’m turning this back on me but what can I do?” She felt the tears welling up and she tried her best to push them back. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m not who I used to be. I’m sorry I’m some twisted, fucked up version of myself with too many years of baggage and too many excuses and even I wouldn’t want to be talking to me right now but… this is it. This is me. I can’t take back what I’ve done. I can’t take back who I became. All I can do is hope that you’ll let me fix this somehow.” She looked down again, sucking in a shaky breath to try and compose herself before looking back up, whispering. “I am so so sorry I abandoned you.”
Olivia swallowed hard. “Alex…” She shook her head, biting her lip and turning her head away. Alex could just see the tears forming in dark eyes. She waited, wondering what she was supposed to do when the brunette finally looked at her again, not even bothering to conceal the tears. “You’ve missed a lot,” she whispered.
“Tell me everything!” Alex pleaded. “Fill me in on everything I missed!”
“It’s not the same.”
“You think I don’t know that? God, Olivia…” Alex wiped at the tears now running down her own cheeks. “If I could rewind time, I would.” She dropped her gaze to her lap. “I want to say that I’d go all the way back to the start of this entire thing… to Zapata and Donovan and just erase it all! Just… give up before everyone’s lives were destroyed. But…” She looked up again. “Then I feel guilty because that’s like saying I wish Hannah had never been born. I wish more than anything I could say everything you need to hear, but I can’t. I wish I could turn back time and find the guts to return to the squad sooner, but again, I can’t. Please… I know I have no right to ask, but I have to try. Please, just let me in.”
Olivia gazed at her. “I had a kinship analysis test done,” she finally said.
It took Alex a moment to realize what she meant. “To find your brother?”
Olivia nodded slowly. “I heard about it because of a case and I decided to see if anything came up with my DNA. Simon was in the system for stealing lingerie for his girlfriend when he was younger.” She sighed, dropping her gaze to her lap, staring at her hands. “I sat outside his house and just watched, thinking about what it would be like to be a part of his family.” She swallowed hard. “He lives with his girlfriend and her six-year-old son. They’re… they’re really perfect together.” She pursed her lips slightly, fighting the tears that fell faster down her cheeks. “I was picked up outside his house because some cops were already watching him. They liked him for stalking three women. I was… conflicted. I needed answers. I was on the phone with his girlfriend, trying to set up a meeting with her in the middle of trying to catch a perp and I missed Elliot’s directions. The perp got away.” She breathed in deeply, shutting her eyes for a long moment. “I went to meet with Simon’s girlfriend and he showed up instead. I stormed out. One day… he followed me home from the precinct. He had a picture of me cut out from the paper that he’d found in my father’s things. He’d died ten years before.”
Alex swallowed hard, watching as Olivia tried to collect herself again. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say or do. She was feeling overwhelmed just hearing the information from the other woman. She couldn’t imagine what it had to have been like to live it. She finally reached out a shaky hand and latched onto one of Olivia’s holding it tightly in her own. Brown eyes lifted to meet hers and she could see the desperation in them, the complete vulnerability and she wondered for a moment how many people knew the story Olivia was telling her. She squeezed Olivia’s hand, trying to reassure her, to remind her that she might not have been there while it was happening, but she really and truly was here now.
Olivia searched her eyes for another moment before continuing, hand still clutching Alex’s, though her gaze dropped again. “We went inside, talked… got to know more about each other.” She breathed out a laugh, shaking her head slightly. “He told me he’d always wanted a sister.” She shut her eyes again, drawing a breath and letting it out in a long sigh. “That night, a woman was raped. They were looking at him for it. I was his alibi… but they told me there was still plenty of time to rape the woman between the time he left my apartment and the time he returned to Jersey. She IDed him in a lineup. I visited Simon in jail. He told me he’d had his girlfriend send pictures to me so I could get to know him better. I didn’t know what to believe anymore. My head was screaming at me… telling me he was guilty, that I was foolish for ever believing I could have a family… But my heart…” She sniffled, her voice breaking. “My heart was telling me that he was my brother so he couldn’t be. There was no way… a-and if he really was like that, what would that make me?” She squeezed her eyes shut, fighting the tears again. “And there was pressure from everywhere. I’d dragged Elliot into it and Cragen was breathing down our necks. I’d done the illegal test to find Simon. I’d flubbed the case we were working on at the time. And then… after all of it, Simon was in a world of trouble.” She sighed. “We found out he’d been dating the sister of Julia Millfield, the cop that was investigating him. Elliot and I confronted him. He told us he’d been making out with her in the car, torn her dress… Her father had gotten pissed and accused him of assault. He started crying… told me he could never lie to his big sister. And I just… held him. I had to believe him. I just… I had to.”
Olivia lifted her gaze, searching Alex’s eyes before looking away, staring at the wall. “The DNA on the rape victim matched Simon. I-I… helped him skip bail.”
Alex’s eyes widened. Olivia fell quiet and Alex knew she was waiting for her to say something, to pass some kind of judgment on her for her actions. When she took too long, Olivia turned to her. Alex swallowed hard, her eyes flicking back and forth between Olivia’s. She opened and shut her mouth, trying to figure out what to say, but found herself coming up short. She realized that if Olivia was close to Simon now, there was no way he’d been convicted, no way she would be visiting him in prison. But then she realized she didn’t know Olivia at all anymore, didn’t know who she’d become or what she was capable of and that thought clenched her heart. And it was in that moment that she understood what it had to feel like, to need more than anything to just believe in someone, believe in their goodness because sometimes, it was all you had left to hold onto, even if it seemed insane to everyone else.
“Go on,” she said gently, giving her hand a squeeze.
Olivia finally held her gaze and Alex knew she was probably still waiting for judgment, wanting to know the exact moment when it would strike so she could end the conversation and retreat back into herself. “The FBI picked me up, questioned me. He called later for more money and I agreed to meet him at a café with an agent. I refused to give him the money and told him I’d been caught. I accused him of raping the woman. He was hurt a-and… he fled. We chased him but he was gone… he nearly mowed me down in his car. Well… I thought so at the time anyway.” She shrugged a little. “I decided to find out more about him, about my father. I went to see his mom. She had Alzheimer’s… She told me that my father had gotten a girl pregnant before they’d met, that he’d tried to call his daughter but he got her mother instead and he hung up. He’d kept tabs on me so… there was a moment when I believed it was consensual.” She sighed. “I checked with the coroner, found out my father had died from a combination of sleeping pills and alcohol… it was ruled a suicide. I wondered if depression was the reason he raped women. I guess there’s no real way of knowing now.” She fell quiet for another moment before finally continuing. “I found out Simon was framed. The hair evidence had been planted. I went to confront the cop on the case. She wasn’t there. Her sister had ODed and I knew she had to be blaming Simon for it. We got to the house… heard a gunshot. We snuck inside and heard Julia begging for her life. He’d shot her in the stomach. He told me to leave. I stayed, keeping Elliot on the phone outside. It… was complicated. Everything came out. It was Julia’s father that had molested her sister… Julia didn’t want to believe it so she’d blamed Simon. She was going to shoot Simon to make him pay. There’d been a struggle. The gun had gone off.” She sighed. “After she confessed, we were able to calm Simon down… got the gun, got Julia out of there. In light of her statement, they decided not to press charges on Simon.” She swallowed hard. “I was relieved and… overwhelmed and… it just took a while for everything to sink in. I had a brother. He really was a good person. I could get to know him…” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Love him.”
Alex felt the tears running rapidly down her own cheeks as Olivia trailed off. She’d missed this, this and so many other things in Olivia’s life that she could have been there for, supported her through. Instead, she’d crashed headfirst into her own life and had to claw her way back up, choosing to cut herself off from the one person that would have helped her through it all. And because of her, they’d both wound up with no one. She hoped, at least, that Olivia had the support of the other detectives. She knew Elliot had to have been there through it all and for a moment, she was actually pained to realize that he could have taken over as Olivia’s complete confidante and Alex had no one to blame but herself. But the accusations flooded back. “You abandoned me.” Olivia still needed her. She’d always needed her.
Alex started crying harder, gently tugging on Olivia’s hand. It surprised her when Olivia got the hint and moved over to the couch. They wrapped their arms tightly around each other and for the first time in years, Alex buried her face in Olivia’s neck as they sobbed together on the couch.
Alex could feel something in her, an almost physical shift as the walls crumbled down and she clung to the older woman, knowing she had to be feeling the same thing because there was no way she couldn’t be, not with how tightly Olivia was holding her, with the safety she could feel in the brunette’s arms. She reveled in the softness of Olivia’s skin, in the warmth of her body against her own and the comfort it made her feel. A wave of relief washed over her and somehow she just knew that they’d never be alone again, not when it felt like something had finally clicked back into place within her.
They cried until they couldn’t anymore and then they sat there, both afraid of moving, because despite knowing that what they were feeling was permanent, it still felt so new, so fragile that they feared pulling away would shatter it again.
Alex sighed softly, tightening her grasp on Olivia, feeling the detective do the same. For the first time in a long time, she wasn’t thinking about Emily or Mary Ann. She was Alex. Just Alex.
Fandom: SVU
Pairing: Alex/Olivia
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Don't own them.
Spoilers: For Simon's entire story arc.
A/N: This is a Hannah-verse fic. Alex realizes it's up to her to save what's left of their relationship.
A/N 2: As always, HUGE thanks to cherokee62 for her help with this entire series.
Alex clutched the bottle of wine tighter in her hand as she stared at the intercom. All she had to do was lift her finger and press the button. That’s it.
But it wasn’t that simple. Not really.
Her stomach twisted into knots. All Olivia had to do was hear her voice and she could deny her access to the building. And then what would Alex do? Something in her told her that she only had one chance, one shot to make things right with the detective and there was absolutely no way she could express any bit of what she was feeling through a small box in a brick wall where anyone could intrude upon their conversation. And she knew Olivia well enough to know that if she didn’t fix things, Olivia definitely wouldn’t let her in. She’d been stubborn before but time seemed to have intensified that trait and tinged it with bitterness, especially when directed at the blonde. Not that Alex could really blame her, though.
She sighed, rocking on her feet, just debating what to do. And then it happened. It was like a sign from the heavens. The door beside her opened and a man walked out. Alex took her chance and snatched the door, slipping inside and darting for the stairs before anyone could question her right to be there.
Olivia had moved since Alex had last been to her home, so many years ago, and Alex found the unfamiliar hallway daunting as she walked down it. She breathed deeply as she stopped in front of Olivia’s apartment, now finding herself confronted with a closed door instead of an intercom. But she’d made it this far and this really was her last chance so with those thoughts in mind, she finally lifted her hand and knocked.
A long moment passed and Alex was just starting to think it would be her luck that Olivia wasn’t around when she finally heard the chain sliding and the door opened.
“What the hell do you want?” Olivia snarled.
Alex swallowed hard, holding out the bottle of wine, her hand shaking slightly. “Peace offering,” she said quietly.
“Thanks but no thanks.” Olivia moved to shut the door.
Alex’s hand shot out and she flattened her palm against the door, keeping it open. “Please hear me out.”
Olivia frowned deeper at her defiance. “Why should I?”
Alex sighed. “Because I’m an idiot and I know that now and I need a chance to make things right.”
“You’ve had plenty of chances. What makes now different?”
Alex breathed deeply. “I woke up this morning and I realized that this is it. These are the lives we’re given and somewhere down the line, I’d forgotten how to be Alex Cabot.” She locked eyes with the brunette. “And you help me remember.” She swallowed hard. “I was being a child. I was refusing to take responsibility for my own actions because I’d convinced myself that I wasn’t me. I know I don’t make sense. My whole life stopped making sense a long time ago. But I’m not asking for sympathy anymore. I’m not even asking you to understand. I’m asking you to let me in because if you don’t, then where are we?”
She could see Olivia trying to fight with herself but eventually her face softened and she stepped back, trying to keep a harsh tone in her voice.
“Fine,” she said. “Make it quick.”
Alex nodded a little and stepped into the living room, chewing on her lip. “Mind if I sit down?”
“Whatever.”
Alex sighed and sank down on the couch, placing the wine awkwardly on the coffee table. She shifted slightly, watching as Olivia sank down in the recliner. She gazed at the brunette for a long moment, realizing that all the things she’d wanted to say were slowly slipping from her mind now that she was here.
“So?” Olivia finally huffed, shifting impatiently in the chair.
Alex bit her lip, dropping her gaze to her lap, unable to stomach the anger and pain she could see in Olivia’s eyes. Whether the detective liked it or not, she always was an open book.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so so sorry.”
“A bit late for that, don’t you think?”
Alex winced slightly. “I know.” She sighed. “I’m well aware of how stupid I am. I’ve had time to do a lot of thinking, a lot of soul searching and I know that I am very much in the wrong here. I-I just… I don’t know what to say but ‘I’m sorry.’” She finally looked up again. “It’s like… everything’s just gone. I just… don’t have words anymore for anything happening in my life because I never thought it would be like this. And damnit… I don’t know what to say without making it sound like I’m turning this back on me but what can I do?” She felt the tears welling up and she tried her best to push them back. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m not who I used to be. I’m sorry I’m some twisted, fucked up version of myself with too many years of baggage and too many excuses and even I wouldn’t want to be talking to me right now but… this is it. This is me. I can’t take back what I’ve done. I can’t take back who I became. All I can do is hope that you’ll let me fix this somehow.” She looked down again, sucking in a shaky breath to try and compose herself before looking back up, whispering. “I am so so sorry I abandoned you.”
Olivia swallowed hard. “Alex…” She shook her head, biting her lip and turning her head away. Alex could just see the tears forming in dark eyes. She waited, wondering what she was supposed to do when the brunette finally looked at her again, not even bothering to conceal the tears. “You’ve missed a lot,” she whispered.
“Tell me everything!” Alex pleaded. “Fill me in on everything I missed!”
“It’s not the same.”
“You think I don’t know that? God, Olivia…” Alex wiped at the tears now running down her own cheeks. “If I could rewind time, I would.” She dropped her gaze to her lap. “I want to say that I’d go all the way back to the start of this entire thing… to Zapata and Donovan and just erase it all! Just… give up before everyone’s lives were destroyed. But…” She looked up again. “Then I feel guilty because that’s like saying I wish Hannah had never been born. I wish more than anything I could say everything you need to hear, but I can’t. I wish I could turn back time and find the guts to return to the squad sooner, but again, I can’t. Please… I know I have no right to ask, but I have to try. Please, just let me in.”
Olivia gazed at her. “I had a kinship analysis test done,” she finally said.
It took Alex a moment to realize what she meant. “To find your brother?”
Olivia nodded slowly. “I heard about it because of a case and I decided to see if anything came up with my DNA. Simon was in the system for stealing lingerie for his girlfriend when he was younger.” She sighed, dropping her gaze to her lap, staring at her hands. “I sat outside his house and just watched, thinking about what it would be like to be a part of his family.” She swallowed hard. “He lives with his girlfriend and her six-year-old son. They’re… they’re really perfect together.” She pursed her lips slightly, fighting the tears that fell faster down her cheeks. “I was picked up outside his house because some cops were already watching him. They liked him for stalking three women. I was… conflicted. I needed answers. I was on the phone with his girlfriend, trying to set up a meeting with her in the middle of trying to catch a perp and I missed Elliot’s directions. The perp got away.” She breathed in deeply, shutting her eyes for a long moment. “I went to meet with Simon’s girlfriend and he showed up instead. I stormed out. One day… he followed me home from the precinct. He had a picture of me cut out from the paper that he’d found in my father’s things. He’d died ten years before.”
Alex swallowed hard, watching as Olivia tried to collect herself again. She wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say or do. She was feeling overwhelmed just hearing the information from the other woman. She couldn’t imagine what it had to have been like to live it. She finally reached out a shaky hand and latched onto one of Olivia’s holding it tightly in her own. Brown eyes lifted to meet hers and she could see the desperation in them, the complete vulnerability and she wondered for a moment how many people knew the story Olivia was telling her. She squeezed Olivia’s hand, trying to reassure her, to remind her that she might not have been there while it was happening, but she really and truly was here now.
Olivia searched her eyes for another moment before continuing, hand still clutching Alex’s, though her gaze dropped again. “We went inside, talked… got to know more about each other.” She breathed out a laugh, shaking her head slightly. “He told me he’d always wanted a sister.” She shut her eyes again, drawing a breath and letting it out in a long sigh. “That night, a woman was raped. They were looking at him for it. I was his alibi… but they told me there was still plenty of time to rape the woman between the time he left my apartment and the time he returned to Jersey. She IDed him in a lineup. I visited Simon in jail. He told me he’d had his girlfriend send pictures to me so I could get to know him better. I didn’t know what to believe anymore. My head was screaming at me… telling me he was guilty, that I was foolish for ever believing I could have a family… But my heart…” She sniffled, her voice breaking. “My heart was telling me that he was my brother so he couldn’t be. There was no way… a-and if he really was like that, what would that make me?” She squeezed her eyes shut, fighting the tears again. “And there was pressure from everywhere. I’d dragged Elliot into it and Cragen was breathing down our necks. I’d done the illegal test to find Simon. I’d flubbed the case we were working on at the time. And then… after all of it, Simon was in a world of trouble.” She sighed. “We found out he’d been dating the sister of Julia Millfield, the cop that was investigating him. Elliot and I confronted him. He told us he’d been making out with her in the car, torn her dress… Her father had gotten pissed and accused him of assault. He started crying… told me he could never lie to his big sister. And I just… held him. I had to believe him. I just… I had to.”
Olivia lifted her gaze, searching Alex’s eyes before looking away, staring at the wall. “The DNA on the rape victim matched Simon. I-I… helped him skip bail.”
Alex’s eyes widened. Olivia fell quiet and Alex knew she was waiting for her to say something, to pass some kind of judgment on her for her actions. When she took too long, Olivia turned to her. Alex swallowed hard, her eyes flicking back and forth between Olivia’s. She opened and shut her mouth, trying to figure out what to say, but found herself coming up short. She realized that if Olivia was close to Simon now, there was no way he’d been convicted, no way she would be visiting him in prison. But then she realized she didn’t know Olivia at all anymore, didn’t know who she’d become or what she was capable of and that thought clenched her heart. And it was in that moment that she understood what it had to feel like, to need more than anything to just believe in someone, believe in their goodness because sometimes, it was all you had left to hold onto, even if it seemed insane to everyone else.
“Go on,” she said gently, giving her hand a squeeze.
Olivia finally held her gaze and Alex knew she was probably still waiting for judgment, wanting to know the exact moment when it would strike so she could end the conversation and retreat back into herself. “The FBI picked me up, questioned me. He called later for more money and I agreed to meet him at a café with an agent. I refused to give him the money and told him I’d been caught. I accused him of raping the woman. He was hurt a-and… he fled. We chased him but he was gone… he nearly mowed me down in his car. Well… I thought so at the time anyway.” She shrugged a little. “I decided to find out more about him, about my father. I went to see his mom. She had Alzheimer’s… She told me that my father had gotten a girl pregnant before they’d met, that he’d tried to call his daughter but he got her mother instead and he hung up. He’d kept tabs on me so… there was a moment when I believed it was consensual.” She sighed. “I checked with the coroner, found out my father had died from a combination of sleeping pills and alcohol… it was ruled a suicide. I wondered if depression was the reason he raped women. I guess there’s no real way of knowing now.” She fell quiet for another moment before finally continuing. “I found out Simon was framed. The hair evidence had been planted. I went to confront the cop on the case. She wasn’t there. Her sister had ODed and I knew she had to be blaming Simon for it. We got to the house… heard a gunshot. We snuck inside and heard Julia begging for her life. He’d shot her in the stomach. He told me to leave. I stayed, keeping Elliot on the phone outside. It… was complicated. Everything came out. It was Julia’s father that had molested her sister… Julia didn’t want to believe it so she’d blamed Simon. She was going to shoot Simon to make him pay. There’d been a struggle. The gun had gone off.” She sighed. “After she confessed, we were able to calm Simon down… got the gun, got Julia out of there. In light of her statement, they decided not to press charges on Simon.” She swallowed hard. “I was relieved and… overwhelmed and… it just took a while for everything to sink in. I had a brother. He really was a good person. I could get to know him…” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Love him.”
Alex felt the tears running rapidly down her own cheeks as Olivia trailed off. She’d missed this, this and so many other things in Olivia’s life that she could have been there for, supported her through. Instead, she’d crashed headfirst into her own life and had to claw her way back up, choosing to cut herself off from the one person that would have helped her through it all. And because of her, they’d both wound up with no one. She hoped, at least, that Olivia had the support of the other detectives. She knew Elliot had to have been there through it all and for a moment, she was actually pained to realize that he could have taken over as Olivia’s complete confidante and Alex had no one to blame but herself. But the accusations flooded back. “You abandoned me.” Olivia still needed her. She’d always needed her.
Alex started crying harder, gently tugging on Olivia’s hand. It surprised her when Olivia got the hint and moved over to the couch. They wrapped their arms tightly around each other and for the first time in years, Alex buried her face in Olivia’s neck as they sobbed together on the couch.
Alex could feel something in her, an almost physical shift as the walls crumbled down and she clung to the older woman, knowing she had to be feeling the same thing because there was no way she couldn’t be, not with how tightly Olivia was holding her, with the safety she could feel in the brunette’s arms. She reveled in the softness of Olivia’s skin, in the warmth of her body against her own and the comfort it made her feel. A wave of relief washed over her and somehow she just knew that they’d never be alone again, not when it felt like something had finally clicked back into place within her.
They cried until they couldn’t anymore and then they sat there, both afraid of moving, because despite knowing that what they were feeling was permanent, it still felt so new, so fragile that they feared pulling away would shatter it again.
Alex sighed softly, tightening her grasp on Olivia, feeling the detective do the same. For the first time in a long time, she wasn’t thinking about Emily or Mary Ann. She was Alex. Just Alex.