To the people:
*** I write in present tense, but it's not really much of a 'present' problem... just something I had to wrestle with. A discussion with one of my mentors today brought this out into the light...***
I'm here and I'm listening, but lately that's all it seems like I do. Just listening. to heartbreak, to arguing, to who says what about whom, to joys and to fears, to celebrations and sorrows.
And I wonder.... Am I being used? just as an ear? As a vault for other's aches? I've got my own aches, excitements, and yet I have perhaps only one vault to tell my concerns.... and you all don't even consider that I need a vault too.
Fine. Vent. Dump. Cry on my shoulder. Ask for a hug. I am not likely to turn you away. I might even speak with God on your behalf, depending on how closely He led me that day... But would you do that for me? would you be able to reach inside my feeble heart that you think is so strong and let me fall apart in your arms? No? Is that because you think your securities locked within me may tumble out like water falling from a cup? I tell you, that is not the case; my issues are not the same kind as yours... you might even be confused if I tried explaining them to you... so I'll just let your dumping continue. At least that way I feel like I'm part of your small society, even if in reality it's the most screwed up thing there ever was.
Why do you trust me so? Who has told you that I'm accountable? That I'm trustworthy? I myself do not trust many people... and you seemingly find comfort in being able to trust me with your darkest secrets and latest gossip... you know (somehow) that I'm not one to go around telling everyone's business... I guess that makes sense as to why I'm able to be a fly on the wall, and float around into many circles of people... That I'm not going to be your typical "nerd," or your typical "girl" or your typical "teen"...
I'm glad I've grown up fast. Not that I've had to, but that I can look beyond the hype and the drama and see people, not their issues.
I'm here and I'm listening, but lately that's all it seems like I do. Just listening. to heartbreak, to arguing, to who says what about whom, to joys and to fears, to celebrations and sorrows.
And I wonder.... Am I being used? just as an ear? As a vault for other's aches? I've got my own aches, excitements, and yet I have perhaps only one vault to tell my concerns.... and you all don't even consider that I need a vault too.
Fine. Vent. Dump. Cry on my shoulder. Ask for a hug. I am not likely to turn you away. I might even speak with God on your behalf, depending on how closely He led me that day... But would you do that for me? would you be able to reach inside my feeble heart that you think is so strong and let me fall apart in your arms? No? Is that because you think your securities locked within me may tumble out like water falling from a cup? I tell you, that is not the case; my issues are not the same kind as yours... you might even be confused if I tried explaining them to you... so I'll just let your dumping continue. At least that way I feel like I'm part of your small society, even if in reality it's the most screwed up thing there ever was.
Why do you trust me so? Who has told you that I'm accountable? That I'm trustworthy? I myself do not trust many people... and you seemingly find comfort in being able to trust me with your darkest secrets and latest gossip... you know (somehow) that I'm not one to go around telling everyone's business... I guess that makes sense as to why I'm able to be a fly on the wall, and float around into many circles of people... That I'm not going to be your typical "nerd," or your typical "girl" or your typical "teen"...
I'm glad I've grown up fast. Not that I've had to, but that I can look beyond the hype and the drama and see people, not their issues.