Junior year starts tomorrow... eek!
I cannot believe I'm starting my junior year tomorrow. It seems like only yesterday I was a freshman here, scared to death about classes and making friends. How funny that 2 years later, I still feel the same way.
I write this the night before my first day of classes, more nervous and anxious than I remember being in a long time. Going to Chile was a different type of anxious, one filled with excitement to go and do something I've always wanted to do. This nervousness, this anxiousness, well its not quite that. I've had a headache and have felt sick all day long, and even yesterday a bit. I've been reserved, taking walks and sitting in the empty Chemistry building thinking to myself. This nervousness is not filled with excitement, but instead with a feeling of doom, of frightfulness. I'm overwhelmed with all the choices I have to deal with this semester... with all the things I have to do. On top of dealing with a 5 class 17 credit work load, I have to figure out my timeline for the MCAT and applying to Medical School, be involved in the First Gens and other clubs, maybe find a volunteer opportunity, living in an apartment and dealing with bills and cooking dinner, and maybe fit in having fun, which I've just conveniently learned how to do this summer. I'd love to go to free dancing lessons, for example, but I just don't see the time. On top of all of this, the guy that I've been talking to all summer is confusing me so much. We hung out unexpectedly on Friday night and I had the time of my life, but I don't know if he likes me or not. I owe him a book, but I feel like he is being very vague about meeting for it, using facebook and writing on my wall. I wish I didn't stress out about him, but I do. I just want it so bad, and I wish I wasn't this wrapped into it.
I just hope that once I get back into the swing of things, the anxiousness and nervousness will go away. The stress will always remain, I know that, but I just can't deal with this frightfulness of the unexpected, and the fear of failing... at everything.
I write this the night before my first day of classes, more nervous and anxious than I remember being in a long time. Going to Chile was a different type of anxious, one filled with excitement to go and do something I've always wanted to do. This nervousness, this anxiousness, well its not quite that. I've had a headache and have felt sick all day long, and even yesterday a bit. I've been reserved, taking walks and sitting in the empty Chemistry building thinking to myself. This nervousness is not filled with excitement, but instead with a feeling of doom, of frightfulness. I'm overwhelmed with all the choices I have to deal with this semester... with all the things I have to do. On top of dealing with a 5 class 17 credit work load, I have to figure out my timeline for the MCAT and applying to Medical School, be involved in the First Gens and other clubs, maybe find a volunteer opportunity, living in an apartment and dealing with bills and cooking dinner, and maybe fit in having fun, which I've just conveniently learned how to do this summer. I'd love to go to free dancing lessons, for example, but I just don't see the time. On top of all of this, the guy that I've been talking to all summer is confusing me so much. We hung out unexpectedly on Friday night and I had the time of my life, but I don't know if he likes me or not. I owe him a book, but I feel like he is being very vague about meeting for it, using facebook and writing on my wall. I wish I didn't stress out about him, but I do. I just want it so bad, and I wish I wasn't this wrapped into it.
I just hope that once I get back into the swing of things, the anxiousness and nervousness will go away. The stress will always remain, I know that, but I just can't deal with this frightfulness of the unexpected, and the fear of failing... at everything.