My future: How the world looks when I take off my glasses.
So I've been dealing a lot lately with finding post-graduation employment. It's sort of this huge hassle, especially with how awesome the economy is, but I have been trying nonetheless.
My goal is to not end up in the Northern Midwest. I think that would depress me mostly, with it's cold and it's isolation. For some reason states like Minnesota seem more isolated than, say, Alaska. Which is weird, I know. But ugh- Minnesota.
There have been various career fairs which I have attended, both in a general university-wide sense as well as a more concentrated recruitment fair for my major. My resume by now has been given to roughly 20 companies, most of which have probably discarded it, along with my business card. Only one has had the decency to send me an e-mail saying that they have decided to "move forward with other candidates whose backgrounds more closely match the requirements for the positions in which we are recruiting." I can't help but re-read this message over and over, always tempted to respond and ask what would have helped my cause, what are companies looking for, what would give me an edge...
I have no edge.
It's hard to manufacture a competitive advantage when you're drowning in mediocrity.
And I'm not necessarily deterred from the job search with this single rejection note. It just leaves me with the stark realization (which I have burying in the back of my mind) that I can't be better than other people. It's something I've known for a very long time, but I know this entire job-search process will only make the fact that I'm not good enough abundantly clear. The Wall Street Journal says that there is still a lot of competition among companies for new talent, but they are looking for the best of the best.
What happens when you're not the best?
It's unfortunate because, on paper, I am a cut out cookie of every other business student everywhere.
What I would like to know is, what does it take to be the cookie cutter?
I guess it's a little late now to try to improve myself, but I don't really know what else I could have changed. I never had the time to find an internship that would have been extremely beneficial to my career. Between two-three jobs, the random activities/extra-curriculars I was involved with, and crazy academics, I didn't have a lot of time to dedicate to anything other than getting through school. But now that I'm almost at the end, I look back and wonder why I feel like I didn't really benefit from it at all.
There are just too many people in the world looking for too few jobs. The feeling makes me overwhelmed almost to the point of being nauseous, a dread I usually push back into my gut. I'm going to get ulcers before this is all over. I should really stop worrying quite so much, but it's just such a crappy feeling knowing that you're not good enough. It's a graduated scale-- in grade school, my mother told me I wasn't good enough to go to a certain high school; in high school, I wasn't good enough at soccer; in college, I am not good enough for life.
Seems fitting.
It just seems like every time I make some sort of life decision that sets me back on the right path, I end up hitting some obstacle. It's starting to get a little daunting and makes me want to just give up and disappear to Europe after I graduate. I mean, why really bother anyway? Becoming a European bum sounds far more enticing than working a middle-class job I'll probably hate, just because I took the first job that comes my way, purely out of desperation, selling myself even lower than my BATNA, which is something I'd hoped to never do. I wanted to have SOME pride! But alas. I'll take what I can get.
Really though.
I have all kinds of hidden potential.
I could be good at anything.
Why doesn't anyone else see that?
My goal is to not end up in the Northern Midwest. I think that would depress me mostly, with it's cold and it's isolation. For some reason states like Minnesota seem more isolated than, say, Alaska. Which is weird, I know. But ugh- Minnesota.
There have been various career fairs which I have attended, both in a general university-wide sense as well as a more concentrated recruitment fair for my major. My resume by now has been given to roughly 20 companies, most of which have probably discarded it, along with my business card. Only one has had the decency to send me an e-mail saying that they have decided to "move forward with other candidates whose backgrounds more closely match the requirements for the positions in which we are recruiting." I can't help but re-read this message over and over, always tempted to respond and ask what would have helped my cause, what are companies looking for, what would give me an edge...
I have no edge.
It's hard to manufacture a competitive advantage when you're drowning in mediocrity.
And I'm not necessarily deterred from the job search with this single rejection note. It just leaves me with the stark realization (which I have burying in the back of my mind) that I can't be better than other people. It's something I've known for a very long time, but I know this entire job-search process will only make the fact that I'm not good enough abundantly clear. The Wall Street Journal says that there is still a lot of competition among companies for new talent, but they are looking for the best of the best.
What happens when you're not the best?
It's unfortunate because, on paper, I am a cut out cookie of every other business student everywhere.
What I would like to know is, what does it take to be the cookie cutter?
I guess it's a little late now to try to improve myself, but I don't really know what else I could have changed. I never had the time to find an internship that would have been extremely beneficial to my career. Between two-three jobs, the random activities/extra-curriculars I was involved with, and crazy academics, I didn't have a lot of time to dedicate to anything other than getting through school. But now that I'm almost at the end, I look back and wonder why I feel like I didn't really benefit from it at all.
There are just too many people in the world looking for too few jobs. The feeling makes me overwhelmed almost to the point of being nauseous, a dread I usually push back into my gut. I'm going to get ulcers before this is all over. I should really stop worrying quite so much, but it's just such a crappy feeling knowing that you're not good enough. It's a graduated scale-- in grade school, my mother told me I wasn't good enough to go to a certain high school; in high school, I wasn't good enough at soccer; in college, I am not good enough for life.
Seems fitting.
It just seems like every time I make some sort of life decision that sets me back on the right path, I end up hitting some obstacle. It's starting to get a little daunting and makes me want to just give up and disappear to Europe after I graduate. I mean, why really bother anyway? Becoming a European bum sounds far more enticing than working a middle-class job I'll probably hate, just because I took the first job that comes my way, purely out of desperation, selling myself even lower than my BATNA, which is something I'd hoped to never do. I wanted to have SOME pride! But alas. I'll take what I can get.
Really though.
I have all kinds of hidden potential.
I could be good at anything.
Why doesn't anyone else see that?