(no subject)
I never used to have such a heavy reliance on this type of potions, even if I used it before. Now more than ever I have to kick out all those I bring back with me once the sex is over, because I don't fancy them thinking they've got a right to ask why I keep thrashing about in my sleep. The few times I let slip making sure they leave, I've always found myself having to obliviate them. And it's all hells of annoying to have to keep doing so.
There's no excuse for my kind of behaviour. I'm not weak and it's not as though I have much of a conscience. I just... don't sleep well anymore. I don't know when it started, but it feels like it's been forever. Sometimes I go to sleep and wake up more tired than ever. How fucking pathetic is that?
But sometimes I think I go to sleep only because there isn't anything else to keep my mind occupied. Except when I close my eyes I see her face. I don't know which of us killed her. But I suspect it's Bellatrix. Her wand is really loose. I've warned her. I've told her that picking Prewett was picking sides. IF she'd just stayed where she was, neutral, she could have stood a chance. I don't know what to think about this. I keep thinking, somehow, that maybe if I'd paid more attention, this wouldn't have happened. But that's silly, because no one can stop Bellatrix if she's set on something.
I guess breaking things off with her was contingent on things as it stood before that. I guess I kind of figured I'd die sooner than when I'd have to face any one of them dying before me. How very stupid of me.
~*~*~
I've been wondering for awhile now. How is it that you're able to get your hands on all those potions?
~*~*~
The Prophet is full of drivel these days. You'd think that with things as they stand now, there'd be more informative news from our only Wizarding source. But no, the Ministry has the paper in its pocket, trying to pretend everything's fine with articles detailing how to pick your shoes and fashion advice. I am extremely disgusted.