quotethis_muses "With no provision but an open face, along the straits of fear."
Just me and the speck, shootin' the breeze. We're a club. We're a group. We can be a secret society. And no one else can join, unless they wear funny hats. >> Horton (Dr Suess' Horton Hears a Who)
Alec was turning into a creature of faith. He used to subscribe to the theory that if you wanted something done right you needed to do it yourself. Like the people around him were dysfunctional idiot monkeys or something. Which wasn't really fair. Not everyone was an idiot. Though most people were monkeys. Fact of genetics there. It was possible that he needed to start spending less time with Mole who thought that every one who didn't have a scaly ridged head like his had an IQ less than his show size. It wasn't hard. Mole had huge feet. Alec pointed that out once and nearly got punched. Mole was stronger, but Alec sure as shit was faster. One of these days Alec was going to buy him an iguana and tell him he could finally socialize with an intellectual equal. And then he was going to duck. Quickly.
Never the less, this time he couldn't do it himself. He couldn't save Dean. He couldn't. At least he didn't think he could unless he was willing to offer up his soul for the power to walk into Hell himself. He wasn't discounting the possibility. Because he would. If he had to.
But he had to have faith that he wouldn't have to. That Ruby would be able to pull Dean out. He trusted her to do what she said she would. But it warred with a life time of training and instinct that said everyone and everything he cared about was his responsibility. In the end though he couldn't totally ignore instinct.
Plan for the worst and hope for the best. He put all of his faith and hope into Ruby and Dean. Into her love for him, and Dean's love for Sam. For his little brothers. He kept his fears to himself. They were his problem. It was his failing that he couldn't just close his eyes and let go. So he kept it to himself and didn't push. He kept up the functioning of his normal life. It was all he could offer up to show that he trusted that this would work and that everything would be okay.
At night when Ruby slept, at least he hoped she slept but she was pretty good as shamming when she wanted to, he would watch her. Watch her sleep, and breath and live. Up here. Not in Hell. He hoped that she could forgive him for what he was asking her to do for him. Dean he watched from a distance when Dean was busy with other people or his own company. Crowding Dean didn't help anyone, and this way he could see, really see Dean. Because Dean would still be Dean when he came back, but he would also be different. Demons were not human. Alec was okay with that, but maybe that was because he wasn't human either.
Ruby was doing this for him, because he couldn't. Because at the moment he was nearly helpless. He supposed he and Sam should start a club on that score. A membership thing. It would involve brooding and angsting.
He was hoping to avoid having to join the other slowly growing intra-family club. But he would if he had to. He would sell his soul like a cheep whore in a back alley and walk into Hell with his eyes wide open. He'd be more afraid of their anger with him than of Hell if self he thinks. But he would do it anyway.
But for now? He was giving this faith thing everything he could.
Muse: Alec McDowell/X5-494
Fandom: Dark Angel
Word count: 596
Open to RP
Alec was turning into a creature of faith. He used to subscribe to the theory that if you wanted something done right you needed to do it yourself. Like the people around him were dysfunctional idiot monkeys or something. Which wasn't really fair. Not everyone was an idiot. Though most people were monkeys. Fact of genetics there. It was possible that he needed to start spending less time with Mole who thought that every one who didn't have a scaly ridged head like his had an IQ less than his show size. It wasn't hard. Mole had huge feet. Alec pointed that out once and nearly got punched. Mole was stronger, but Alec sure as shit was faster. One of these days Alec was going to buy him an iguana and tell him he could finally socialize with an intellectual equal. And then he was going to duck. Quickly.
Never the less, this time he couldn't do it himself. He couldn't save Dean. He couldn't. At least he didn't think he could unless he was willing to offer up his soul for the power to walk into Hell himself. He wasn't discounting the possibility. Because he would. If he had to.
But he had to have faith that he wouldn't have to. That Ruby would be able to pull Dean out. He trusted her to do what she said she would. But it warred with a life time of training and instinct that said everyone and everything he cared about was his responsibility. In the end though he couldn't totally ignore instinct.
Plan for the worst and hope for the best. He put all of his faith and hope into Ruby and Dean. Into her love for him, and Dean's love for Sam. For his little brothers. He kept his fears to himself. They were his problem. It was his failing that he couldn't just close his eyes and let go. So he kept it to himself and didn't push. He kept up the functioning of his normal life. It was all he could offer up to show that he trusted that this would work and that everything would be okay.
At night when Ruby slept, at least he hoped she slept but she was pretty good as shamming when she wanted to, he would watch her. Watch her sleep, and breath and live. Up here. Not in Hell. He hoped that she could forgive him for what he was asking her to do for him. Dean he watched from a distance when Dean was busy with other people or his own company. Crowding Dean didn't help anyone, and this way he could see, really see Dean. Because Dean would still be Dean when he came back, but he would also be different. Demons were not human. Alec was okay with that, but maybe that was because he wasn't human either.
Ruby was doing this for him, because he couldn't. Because at the moment he was nearly helpless. He supposed he and Sam should start a club on that score. A membership thing. It would involve brooding and angsting.
He was hoping to avoid having to join the other slowly growing intra-family club. But he would if he had to. He would sell his soul like a cheep whore in a back alley and walk into Hell with his eyes wide open. He'd be more afraid of their anger with him than of Hell if self he thinks. But he would do it anyway.
But for now? He was giving this faith thing everything he could.
Muse: Alec McDowell/X5-494
Fandom: Dark Angel
Word count: 596
Open to RP