Someone said something to me the other day that has been slowly sinking into meaning. She said "I just treat it like everything is an accident and then I can't really get angry about it
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I agree with all of this, with the caveat that there are people who put others before themselves, but do so to the point of martyrdom, which therefore makes them guilty of being just as self-involved/self-important as those who are soley focused on themselves. (Over-dramatic catholic mothers are great at this.)
The oddest but best advice a friend ever gave me was "Don't be a martyr." It took me some time to understand what that meant, but in the process, I stopped torturing myself by wasting my energies on people who were either hurting me, or simply not putting in any effort in return. I didn't cut people completely out of my life either, or stopped having expectations of goodness altogether, I just redirected my own energies. I've slowly learned how to still give to others, without taking away from my own core reserve of energy in the process. It has been a challenge, but it beats the alternatives.
Anyway. Let's hope more people think of others' needs as well as their own, and that the rest do not sacrifice too much of themselves at the expense of others, then perhaps some balance can be reached in the middle.
oooo yes. that is definitely an important caveat. martyrdom is very unappealing for everyone involved. yuck yuck yuck. I have struggled with that a lot in the last few years, I expect I always will on some level.
it's a constant battle no? Which is why every day we must choose to be the person we want to be. Eventually the battle feels more like a habit I guess. :)
The oddest but best advice a friend ever gave me was "Don't be a martyr." It took me some time to understand what that meant, but in the process, I stopped torturing myself by wasting my energies on people who were either hurting me, or simply not putting in any effort in return. I didn't cut people completely out of my life either, or stopped having expectations of goodness altogether, I just redirected my own energies. I've slowly learned how to still give to others, without taking away from my own core reserve of energy in the process. It has been a challenge, but it beats the alternatives.
Anyway. Let's hope more people think of others' needs as well as their own, and that the rest do not sacrifice too much of themselves at the expense of others, then perhaps some balance can be reached in the middle.
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it's a constant battle no? Which is why every day we must choose to be the person we want to be. Eventually the battle feels more like a habit I guess. :)
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