too many thoughts
WOW! I can't stand this its just to much. Bailey told me colt's age and everything and I mean hes really REALLY young. KIKI told me yesterday that i should think about it as a crush and look more at jay.I dont know jay that well and well i mean even if he dont have emial or anything online we both still have phones. He goes to pomperaug so yea thats not to far from nonney. i just idk what i want anymore i mean i know what i feel with coltan and i guess im forcing myself to think about jay and well that means that if i did go into a relationship with him, if colt is real love then hell show up again in life?right? i mean i think he would if he is my tru love which is unlikly findable in high school and stuff so yea. i mean but even if he is then hell show up again in my life.
My wrist really hurts but then again it hurt cause i couldnt sleep(lol). Becca read my lj and read about my loving colt or my suspeced love of colt and freked out. she didnt like the fact that about 3 weeks ago before i really thought about colt she was the closest thing to love id ever felt. she truly made me feel good. she wasnt happy but i talked to her for a while and gave her the poem i wrote and damn it now i told her and i cant say it again cause i cant member it i remember it since the second week of school and now i cant think of it prolly cause i told it to her and i didnt write it down.i told her she cant know my feelings when even i dont know my hole feelings and she called me about 5 minutes afte ri got and said im sorry and stuff and so were atleast back on good terms which makes me feel MUCH better so yea.
i have theropy tomorow and my mom has to go in with me and we have to disscue my stepfather. WOO i hate him sooo much hes such a dosh.
everyones bitching at me cause in the mixed up emotion i felt this evening i had a knife next to me and i am fine now because i talked it out instead of doing somethingrash and i know ppl will YELL at me for it but i guess i just idk i had a lapse in judgment but im fine as of now. so there really isnt a need to yell. i will disuc it tomorow with DR. Vanhandel who i see he is very good at understanding and everything.
wow when im bored i type alot and i have nothing eles to do since im am a fucking insomniac and cant ever sleep. so idk i thought id choosen colt and now i am unfortunitly back at squar one and sounding likea thirteen year old. wow... idk
im just sooo lost right now i hope i get my new glasses cause i cant see for shit right now or atleast i can barley see... lol so yea. i have music on and everything which makes me happy and noones really comenting on everything and u guys who do read this since i know im such an interesting person need to read the one before this to understand some od the points i came to on this entry and well to see thing from earlier today.
~spenser~
My wrist really hurts but then again it hurt cause i couldnt sleep(lol). Becca read my lj and read about my loving colt or my suspeced love of colt and freked out. she didnt like the fact that about 3 weeks ago before i really thought about colt she was the closest thing to love id ever felt. she truly made me feel good. she wasnt happy but i talked to her for a while and gave her the poem i wrote and damn it now i told her and i cant say it again cause i cant member it i remember it since the second week of school and now i cant think of it prolly cause i told it to her and i didnt write it down.i told her she cant know my feelings when even i dont know my hole feelings and she called me about 5 minutes afte ri got and said im sorry and stuff and so were atleast back on good terms which makes me feel MUCH better so yea.
i have theropy tomorow and my mom has to go in with me and we have to disscue my stepfather. WOO i hate him sooo much hes such a dosh.
everyones bitching at me cause in the mixed up emotion i felt this evening i had a knife next to me and i am fine now because i talked it out instead of doing somethingrash and i know ppl will YELL at me for it but i guess i just idk i had a lapse in judgment but im fine as of now. so there really isnt a need to yell. i will disuc it tomorow with DR. Vanhandel who i see he is very good at understanding and everything.
wow when im bored i type alot and i have nothing eles to do since im am a fucking insomniac and cant ever sleep. so idk i thought id choosen colt and now i am unfortunitly back at squar one and sounding likea thirteen year old. wow... idk
im just sooo lost right now i hope i get my new glasses cause i cant see for shit right now or atleast i can barley see... lol so yea. i have music on and everything which makes me happy and noones really comenting on everything and u guys who do read this since i know im such an interesting person need to read the one before this to understand some od the points i came to on this entry and well to see thing from earlier today.
~spenser~