"Listen to me Sam", Dean cupped his brother's chin in his hand and forced him to meet his eyes. "I know it's been a few hard months but it's okay now. You're okay"
Sam let out a humorless laugh.
"A few hard months Dean? You're kidding me right?", he didn't let his brother any time to answer, "Try a few hard years maybe! Or a few hard lives! When was the last time life wasn't hard Dean?"
Dean got up, a hand on his mouth, unable to say anything. But Sam wanted an answer.
"When Dean?!", he asked again more forcefully this time, "When I didn't have a soul? When you cried for me in your suburban house? When I cried for you in Ruby's bed?! When Dean?!", the last words were softer, almost murmured, "When was the last time we've been happy?"
"I don't know okay?!", Dean's voice wasn't soft. "I don't fucking know!". He sat on his own bed, across from Sam, his eyes on the ground. "But I can't do it without you man... You can't do that. You can't leave me here..."
"I don't want to! I'm just saying... It was all written right?", he started, "Everything. From the beginning... Dad, mom, their marriage, their deaths, Jess, Cas, Michael, Lucifer... Everything... I'm tired of this man... I want us to take the lead. To make our own choices."
Dean sighed, "I can't believe your way of screwing up destiny is to commit suicide!", he raised his eyes, watching his brother's face. His brother's pale and tired face. "I don't know what to tell you Sam..."
"It's not suicide if we're already dead, Dean...", he paused, "we died what? 4? 5 times?", he asked, expecting no answer, "We did our time Dean... We saved people. We hunted things... I think we're allowed to go now...", he said gently. "I would better end this on our term than wait for destiny to pick up the worst time ever to kill one of us!", he leaned forward and grabbed another gun in his bag, "If you die, I'll never dare kill myself. And I know that if I die you'll keep going, get even more reckless and eventually get killed slowly and painfully."
He took Dean's chin in his hand and forced his brother to meet his eyes, "I don't want to be alone, Dean. And I sure don't want you to die alone."
Dean bit his lips and lied down, his feet still on the ground, his eyes on the ceiling. "What about the Leviathans Sam? We fucked up, we let those things invade the world, we've got to take care of them!"
Sam sighed, "We did our best. We didn't fuck up Dean! Cas did. And believe me, he is paying for his mistakes!", he shook his head, he didn't want to think about the Leviathans, "Other hunters will find a way. We're not the only ones Dean! We already lost everyhing in the battle, don't you realise that the next person we're gonna lose is each other?!"
Dean straightened up slowly, playing with the gun in his hand. "If we come back this time, I swear I retire!", he took the safety off. "You sure you wanna do this?", he asked, meeting Sam's eyes.
Sam simply nodded, exhausted. He knew his brother wouldn't say anything else. That last joke was already an effort. He took the safety of his own gun off and put it on his temple, mimicking his brother's gestures.
Thank you so much for this! I think you did a great job. I love how defeated Sam comes across, and I truly adore your idea that it's not suicide if they've already died a bunch of times! That was one issue I always had with the idea that they'd ever kill themselves--suicide is a sin in the eyes of some faiths, and they sure as heck didn't want to go back to hell.
Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it! When I saw your prompt I really wanted to write it but I felt like this suicide thing didn't really fit with the boys, that's why I thought about this 'already dead' solution... I'm glad it worked!
Thank you! I thought that Dean would never say half the stuff Sam did but would be able to make a joke at such a serious moment... Well maybe it also had to do with the fact that i was fevrish, it was 2 in the morning and I really needed to finish it and go to bed!
Sam let out a humorless laugh.
"A few hard months Dean? You're kidding me right?", he didn't let his brother any time to answer, "Try a few hard years maybe! Or a few hard lives! When was the last time life wasn't hard Dean?"
Dean got up, a hand on his mouth, unable to say anything. But Sam wanted an answer.
"When Dean?!", he asked again more forcefully this time, "When I didn't have a soul? When you cried for me in your suburban house? When I cried for you in Ruby's bed?! When Dean?!", the last words were softer, almost murmured, "When was the last time we've been happy?"
"I don't know okay?!", Dean's voice wasn't soft. "I don't fucking know!". He sat on his own bed, across from Sam, his eyes on the ground. "But I can't do it without you man... You can't do that. You can't leave me here..."
"I don't want to! I'm just saying... It was all written right?", he started, "Everything. From the beginning... Dad, mom, their marriage, their deaths, Jess, Cas, Michael, Lucifer... Everything... I'm tired of this man... I want us to take the lead. To make our own choices."
Dean sighed, "I can't believe your way of screwing up destiny is to commit suicide!", he raised his eyes, watching his brother's face. His brother's pale and tired face. "I don't know what to tell you Sam..."
"It's not suicide if we're already dead, Dean...", he paused, "we died what? 4? 5 times?", he asked, expecting no answer, "We did our time Dean... We saved people. We hunted things... I think we're allowed to go now...", he said gently. "I would better end this on our term than wait for destiny to pick up the worst time ever to kill one of us!", he leaned forward and grabbed another gun in his bag, "If you die, I'll never dare kill myself. And I know that if I die you'll keep going, get even more reckless and eventually get killed slowly and painfully."
He took Dean's chin in his hand and forced his brother to meet his eyes, "I don't want to be alone, Dean. And I sure don't want you to die alone."
Dean bit his lips and lied down, his feet still on the ground, his eyes on the ceiling. "What about the Leviathans Sam? We fucked up, we let those things invade the world, we've got to take care of them!"
Sam sighed, "We did our best. We didn't fuck up Dean! Cas did. And believe me, he is paying for his mistakes!", he shook his head, he didn't want to think about the Leviathans, "Other hunters will find a way. We're not the only ones Dean! We already lost everyhing in the battle, don't you realise that the next person we're gonna lose is each other?!"
Dean straightened up slowly, playing with the gun in his hand. "If we come back this time, I swear I retire!", he took the safety off. "You sure you wanna do this?", he asked, meeting Sam's eyes.
Sam simply nodded, exhausted. He knew his brother wouldn't say anything else. That last joke was already an effort.
He took the safety of his own gun off and put it on his temple, mimicking his brother's gestures.
"See you on the other side..."
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When I saw your prompt I really wanted to write it but I felt like this suicide thing didn't really fit with the boys, that's why I thought about this 'already dead' solution... I'm glad it worked!
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I love the idea that it's not suicide if they've already died a bunch of times!
"If we come back this time, I swear I retire!"
Poor Dean, Sam and him came back so many times!
Thanks a lot for filling a prompt for the death!meme ♥
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