& Ike
I wish things were better with Mike. It really sucks how he's talked about it too... I'm glad he is, to an extent, because you should always have someone to talk to about how you feel and your problems. But with me being so removed from the group, it almost makes me wonder if they have their own opinions, based on his side of the story, about me. And that sucks. It makes me feel like people might think I'm a monster, a horrible person. When really... was the crime really death-penalty worthy? I didn't murder anyone. I didn't screw anyone over. I will take responsibility for hurting him. I will take responsibility for the things I should have done differently... I really shouldn't have continued to hang out with him, one-on-one... even though it was nothing, and we did Nothing, still...maybe just hanging out alone together was enough for him to think it was still something that it wasn't. Maybe we should have never taken this back where it did in January, maybe we shouldn't have crossed that line at all. But why is it all me? Why do I deserve to get shit on when I see him? Why do I deserve his uncharactaristically nasty texts at 2am? Why is it my fault that he didn't listen to me 2 friggin months ago when I TOLD HIM to see other people!? When I TOLD HIM that I wanted to!? That even when I came around to wanting a boyfriend, I couldn't say that it was going to be him!? Does he feel entitled? Is that it? That he "waited" for me for a while, so he should be able to get the first crack at me? Cuz let me tell you, I know a blonde who's been waiting around for me for the better part of 2 years, that I've treated way worse than Mike if you wanna talk about who should be "entitled" to me.
that was mean.
Speaking of, though... I got home from the movies with TJ around 12:45. The movie was still great, Hawkeye is still hott, Tony Stark still has most of the qualities I want in a fellow, and the seats at AMC are still glorious. However, going to such a late movie after such a long day proved to be a little much, and I almost (ALMOST)... fell asleep. Don't judge me! I've seen the movie 4 times, I can shut my eyes here and there if I want. But it was still a nice time. Short, but nice. We may go fishing at some point in the next week. But when I got in the house, I saw that I had 2 missed texts from Andrew. I let him know that I was home, and then he.. Called me. At like, 1:30 in the morning. I don't remember the last time he called me at.. well, actually, I don't remember the last time he called me. But he called, and we talked a little more in depth about TJ. I told him how I didn't know if I liked him, but that I really liked how he made me feel. How I liked that he texted me a lot, and always asked how my day was and what I was doing. That I felt genuinely like he wanted to know things about me. And how it hurt that I barely heard from him during the day, and how when I did, it didn't seem like he really cared what I was up to. Andy seemed surprised that he no longer did that. I told him that I wish he showed me that same attention. I couldn't tell, but it sort of seemed as though he felt badly. He told me he didn't want me to have to look somewhere else. I liked that... but I didn't at the same time. I like that he cares, and shows any kind of strong emotion. But I don't like that it got to the point to where I did look somewhere else, in order to get that response. I don't want to have to do something unintentionally drastic to make him show that side.
"It's funny how quickly someone can act like they care, when you act like you don't"
who the fuck does that remind me of.
that was mean.
Speaking of, though... I got home from the movies with TJ around 12:45. The movie was still great, Hawkeye is still hott, Tony Stark still has most of the qualities I want in a fellow, and the seats at AMC are still glorious. However, going to such a late movie after such a long day proved to be a little much, and I almost (ALMOST)... fell asleep. Don't judge me! I've seen the movie 4 times, I can shut my eyes here and there if I want. But it was still a nice time. Short, but nice. We may go fishing at some point in the next week. But when I got in the house, I saw that I had 2 missed texts from Andrew. I let him know that I was home, and then he.. Called me. At like, 1:30 in the morning. I don't remember the last time he called me at.. well, actually, I don't remember the last time he called me. But he called, and we talked a little more in depth about TJ. I told him how I didn't know if I liked him, but that I really liked how he made me feel. How I liked that he texted me a lot, and always asked how my day was and what I was doing. That I felt genuinely like he wanted to know things about me. And how it hurt that I barely heard from him during the day, and how when I did, it didn't seem like he really cared what I was up to. Andy seemed surprised that he no longer did that. I told him that I wish he showed me that same attention. I couldn't tell, but it sort of seemed as though he felt badly. He told me he didn't want me to have to look somewhere else. I liked that... but I didn't at the same time. I like that he cares, and shows any kind of strong emotion. But I don't like that it got to the point to where I did look somewhere else, in order to get that response. I don't want to have to do something unintentionally drastic to make him show that side.
"It's funny how quickly someone can act like they care, when you act like you don't"
who the fuck does that remind me of.