Thoughts, Part II: Faith

[sm1]

This is something that has been on my mind to a great degree lately, and I have been reluctant to voice it due to the response that it may create, and I would be very VERY wary of discussing it with my father. Fortunately for me, he does not read my blog on MySpace or LiveJournal

Comments

[jake_b]

Here is an observation, you have this "fear" of leaving your Christian roots of deciding not to believe (which is also another interesting point, the fact that your belief is your choice). Other than "conditioning", what is it that your faith has fulfilled in your life that you fear losing? Or what hole is Christianity filling in your life? This can have a very "Church/Christian" answer, or a very secular, however you want to take it.

I love learning about God, and I hope that I have always made the clear distinction between that and "knowing" Him, or "Loving" Him, or being in a relationship with Him. For me to sit down and spend time with God is so hard and SO not consistent in my life. I can sit down with a good theology book that quotes the bible, but the actual bible is rarely in my hands other than on Sundays (I'm not even sure where MY bible is at the moment, I just keep using an extra one I have lying around). I do not consider myself a "strong man of God", although I hope to be some day. It is a growing process. I don't think God looks at me (as I once thought) and thinks, "He's not where he should be, He needs to be doing certain things more." I don't think he looks at me and thinks "Oh, he's not perfect, but I love him anyways". I think he sees me for who I am, all of it. Everything I've done, everything I'm going to do. He knows my potential for good and for evil and knew that something had to be done, because he loves me, so that I would not destroy myself.

There is never enough. I cannot read the bible enough. I cannot pray enough. A parallel would be: I cannot give Krista enough flowers, I cannot talk to her enough. There is always more.

And hey, read your bible more ;)