What I Want Is
For someone to see how bad off I am, come after me, offer me comfort.
When I was a little girl, my mother would say horrible, hurtful things to me and I would run off to my room crying and all I ever wanted was her to come after me and apologize. And she never, never did. All that ever happened was, if I wanted her to treat me civilly again, I would have to apologize for "making a scene" or "being too sensitive" and it would all start over again.
I want--I don't know, someone to be enough my friend to maybe email me about it and say they see where I was coming from. But nobody will, nobody does. Because the thing is, I don't think anyone actually liked me in the first place. I think people humor me and talk about me behind my back and I'm sure my experiences in elementary school didn't teach me that at all.
God, what. I don't even.
My online friends, my real life friends. Nobody comes after me when I'm alone. Everybody moves on without me, without missing me, without even noticing I'm gone.
When I was a little girl, my mother would say horrible, hurtful things to me and I would run off to my room crying and all I ever wanted was her to come after me and apologize. And she never, never did. All that ever happened was, if I wanted her to treat me civilly again, I would have to apologize for "making a scene" or "being too sensitive" and it would all start over again.
I want--I don't know, someone to be enough my friend to maybe email me about it and say they see where I was coming from. But nobody will, nobody does. Because the thing is, I don't think anyone actually liked me in the first place. I think people humor me and talk about me behind my back and I'm sure my experiences in elementary school didn't teach me that at all.
God, what. I don't even.
My online friends, my real life friends. Nobody comes after me when I'm alone. Everybody moves on without me, without missing me, without even noticing I'm gone.