|| SHAMING || CRITICISM DOESN'T MEAN SHAMING ... DOES IT? ||

[slytherincesss]

If you want to shame me, I'll give you a head start by listing several areas of shaming that are particularly relevant (although you are free to choose any one of my shortcomings, as you see fit). Hmm, let's see . . . there's gender shaming, race shaming, mother shaming, socio-economic shaming, slut shaming, food shaming, body shaming, disability

Comments

[furiosity]

Wow parts of this post made me pretty angry

[slytherincesss]

I want to think for a bit about your comment before I compose a longer reply (because your comment is excellent and deserves a thorough response). I do want to say immediately, though, that I agree with everything you've said -- everything. I'm afraid (yet again) I didn't eloquently translate my thoughts to the written word. I will definitely clarify and I apologize to you, and to anyone who has been raped or otherwise sexually assaulted, for making an asswipe move. Again, I will clarify and will also edit my post accordingly.

[furiosity]

Thanks for clarifying! To be clear, I'm not like... spitting mad at you or anything, I am just really frustrated with the overall culture of focusing on everything but the rapists when it comes to discussing sexual assault, which, if you look at just the numbers, is at absolutely epidemic proportions everywhere yet treated as a sadly inescapable fact of life (1 in 4 women in North America will be sexually assaulted in their lifetimes; that's TERRIFYING

[celestlyn]

I am just really frustrated with the overall culture of focusing on everything but the rapists when it comes to discussing sexual assault...

See, I get that. I know history has shown that women get the blame for provoking an attack or a rape and I know that is just not the case in most rapes. While I would never shame a woman for dressing provocatively, I do get where that old-fashioned idea is coming from. It does go back to the slut-shaming a little bit. I can remember growing up and hearing older people gossiping about so-and-so down the street who was 'just asking for it'. They were focused on the girls who dressed provocatively, teased men and used their sexuality to feel that they had power over men. They were asking, 'what does she expect when she behaves like that?' To me, it sort of puts men into a rather insulting position, too. It depicts them as uncivilized animals, unable control their hormonal urges, whether driven by anger or sexuality. In the end, the whole argument is insulting to both men and women.

[furiosity]

Yeah, pretty much -- though tbh I am not really concerned about male feelings when it comes to rape. The argument that victims ask for it is not just insulting, it's dehumanising and it (and the resulting feelings of self-blame) literally drives many survivors to self-harm, substance abuse, and even suicide, whereas for men it's merely a case of bruised pride -- so it's not really on the same level of insult as far as potential consequences go. And yeah the idea that people, by their behaviour, invite assault against their body, their property, or their human dignity, is not new but it has always been wrong. My favourite is when people compare female bodies to unlocked houses or cars -- like "if you leave your door unlocked and you get robbed, you're to blame. Yeah, no, the thief is to blame for stealing, and like yeah, walking through an open door into a house and pilfering some jewellery is TOTALLY the same as brutalising another human being. sure.