ramblings late at night
ok so I dont know if all this jazz is gonna make any sense but here it is so itsout of my head and I can sleep. I just read my friends page and I'm trying to be better with the commenting so I hope thats cool. sorry I'm so lame with it yall, I do read and I do love all of you its just that life is a bit wild right now. (sorry if my typing is lamer than usual I'm very tired/out of it and i have a bandaid on my index finger which is annoying as anything- reason to follow)
rightoh so time is in this strange place for me right now. its like i can feel every minute scrape by and I feel like if I'm not spending it in the company of a family member then the time is wasted. because with every minute that passes I'm one minute closer to leaving this house and starting a new life. I dont want yall to get the wrong idea, I am VERY excited about finally having a real job and starting a career and working for a frickin HOCKEY team and all that jazz, it's just the LEAVING that sucks ass. My family has always been very close, and I've lived here with the Stews for almost 2 years. I have lived in house house as long as they have.. and this lifestyle as long as they have so it seems longer in some ways than 2 years. And,much as I try not to play favorites with my nephews, I will probably miss Christopher most- at least at first because he is changing so much right now that the next time I see him he'll be a totally differnet person and he probably won't even remember me. I've known the baby for his whole life, been here for pretty much every day of it and now I have to leave him. it's tearing me up. All of it. I've grown closer with my sister Quin in the time I've spent here. I can relate to her as a sister of course, but also in her role as mother, since, as the nanny, I've done my share of 'mothering since i"ve been here. And Leah, my dear niece, who is growing into a fine woman, I'll miss her too! We had a lot of fun today. *now I'm crying* And Braden and Alex of course, though they drive me crazy often, they are dear little boys and I love them very much. their questions keep me on my toes trying to answer everything, and their energy keeps me going when I feel worn out. Braden bought me some presents yesterday.. "moving presents", he called them. A cookbook because I love to cook and a set of measuring cups. It was so thoughtful that I almost cried. And of course I can't forget Stephen, my brotehr in law. He is the rock of this family, he keeps everything together. He has helped me through soem rough times personally, and has made it very easy to be comfortable lving here. He has used personal connections to try and help my career quest and he's just an all-around good guy.
I will miss my family, and i know they will miss me, but at the same time, we all knew this couldnt last forever, and they are thrilled that I'm finally 'on my way'. But it doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye and drive away in 6 days. I know that no matter what happens, should I sink or swim (and I fully intend to swim and bust out and "set the world on fire" as Q puts it), that I will always have ahome here in Buffalo and a family to come home to. *still crying*
On to slightly more mundane matters (in an attempt to calm myself down cuz I hate going to bed direcly after crying, it leaves me waking up feeling gross), today I had lunch with Q and the boys at Don Pablos... YUM! Quin offered lunch, since we were all gonna be in town, and I had been randomly craving Don Pablos so we busted it out. yummy stuff. I ate a chicken club quasidealla (sp?) without the pico de gallo of course because i hate tomatoes, but it was still way tasty. :)
then Leah and I went thrifting! woohoo! and we hit the jackpot today. I bought 3 dress shirts, 3 sweaters, and a pair of nice pants for ~$16! can't beat that dude. :) and now i have more decent clothes, which is good since I will soon have a job which requires wearing decent clothes all the time. (like whoa) we just had fun being silly and checking out clothes and jazz. then we went to East Aurora, which is a cute fancy town about halfway between our house and buffalo. there's a coffee shop there that Leah had been too and she wanted me to see it, so we went it. It's cute place and when we stopped in there were 2 guys with guitars who looked like they were setting up to play something. so we decided to walk around town for a few minutes then stop back and if they were playing (one was really cute and the otehr was decently cute), then we'd stay for a while. so we tried to go to this candy/random junk shop and then another thrift store but they were both closed so we went back to the coffee shop and the guys were ready to play, so Leah bought a coffee and we sat on this random but comfy green couch to listen to cute boys play guitar. (phew, long sentence!) They were REALLY good. i have no idea about half of what they were plauying, but I'm gonna guess it was mostly orginal stuff? it was cool anyway and again, they were cute boys, which is good, playing guitars, which is hot in itself, so it was like a double whammy.
we finally decided to go cuz it was getting late, but when I was waiting for LEah to go to the bathroom, one of the guys came back and he was like "hey, thanks for listening" and I said "hey, thanks for playing", adding "tell your cute(r than you) friend to come back here and give me his phone number) in my head LOL.. beause well 1) I'm a dork and I can't talk to boys and 2) I'm leaving in less than a week so it wouldnt make sense to meet and cultivate a relationship witha cute boy I'll never see again. *sigh*
Then I came up with a plan- when I go to SLC, I'll stake out a coffee shop and hang out there till I meet a cute boy... and maybe one day I'll be brave enough to actually talk to him! I'll let yall knmow how it goes.
one more thing before I go to sleep. I have this random ickiness- somehow I must have scratched up the gums above my teeth on one side of my mouth- cuz it's really sore and you can see where the skin's been scraped away. its actually kinda creepy and starting to get on my nerves, but it's not like I can really do anything about it. grr. sorry just annoying and I had to share.
sorry for the sobfest, but I Had to get it out. I feel a bit better. oh and the bandaid on my finger is from my stupidass windshield wipers. whenever i buy new wipers for Claire, somehow they're always the wrong size (even though I always loook onthe little machine and stuff) there are always issues. so i bought the dang things, and realized that I still had some old ones that I bought before but for some reason wouldnt work right.. so I tried to make them work before I busted the new ones. SO i'm wrestling with this old lame wiper that never worked before, and I sorta had it on,but it wasnt right, so in taking it off, I poked a hole in my finger sorta (its just a cut) but its dead in the middle of my index finger, a bad place for a cut. It'll prolly be sore tomorrow, which is even worse. blah on that.
goodnight yall. thanks for reading i ghuess. sorry bout all the typos but I'm too tired to fix 'em. At least I can sleep now cuz I'm all tired/worn out. yay for sleep.
rightoh so time is in this strange place for me right now. its like i can feel every minute scrape by and I feel like if I'm not spending it in the company of a family member then the time is wasted. because with every minute that passes I'm one minute closer to leaving this house and starting a new life. I dont want yall to get the wrong idea, I am VERY excited about finally having a real job and starting a career and working for a frickin HOCKEY team and all that jazz, it's just the LEAVING that sucks ass. My family has always been very close, and I've lived here with the Stews for almost 2 years. I have lived in house house as long as they have.. and this lifestyle as long as they have so it seems longer in some ways than 2 years. And,much as I try not to play favorites with my nephews, I will probably miss Christopher most- at least at first because he is changing so much right now that the next time I see him he'll be a totally differnet person and he probably won't even remember me. I've known the baby for his whole life, been here for pretty much every day of it and now I have to leave him. it's tearing me up. All of it. I've grown closer with my sister Quin in the time I've spent here. I can relate to her as a sister of course, but also in her role as mother, since, as the nanny, I've done my share of 'mothering since i"ve been here. And Leah, my dear niece, who is growing into a fine woman, I'll miss her too! We had a lot of fun today. *now I'm crying* And Braden and Alex of course, though they drive me crazy often, they are dear little boys and I love them very much. their questions keep me on my toes trying to answer everything, and their energy keeps me going when I feel worn out. Braden bought me some presents yesterday.. "moving presents", he called them. A cookbook because I love to cook and a set of measuring cups. It was so thoughtful that I almost cried. And of course I can't forget Stephen, my brotehr in law. He is the rock of this family, he keeps everything together. He has helped me through soem rough times personally, and has made it very easy to be comfortable lving here. He has used personal connections to try and help my career quest and he's just an all-around good guy.
I will miss my family, and i know they will miss me, but at the same time, we all knew this couldnt last forever, and they are thrilled that I'm finally 'on my way'. But it doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye and drive away in 6 days. I know that no matter what happens, should I sink or swim (and I fully intend to swim and bust out and "set the world on fire" as Q puts it), that I will always have ahome here in Buffalo and a family to come home to. *still crying*
On to slightly more mundane matters (in an attempt to calm myself down cuz I hate going to bed direcly after crying, it leaves me waking up feeling gross), today I had lunch with Q and the boys at Don Pablos... YUM! Quin offered lunch, since we were all gonna be in town, and I had been randomly craving Don Pablos so we busted it out. yummy stuff. I ate a chicken club quasidealla (sp?) without the pico de gallo of course because i hate tomatoes, but it was still way tasty. :)
then Leah and I went thrifting! woohoo! and we hit the jackpot today. I bought 3 dress shirts, 3 sweaters, and a pair of nice pants for ~$16! can't beat that dude. :) and now i have more decent clothes, which is good since I will soon have a job which requires wearing decent clothes all the time. (like whoa) we just had fun being silly and checking out clothes and jazz. then we went to East Aurora, which is a cute fancy town about halfway between our house and buffalo. there's a coffee shop there that Leah had been too and she wanted me to see it, so we went it. It's cute place and when we stopped in there were 2 guys with guitars who looked like they were setting up to play something. so we decided to walk around town for a few minutes then stop back and if they were playing (one was really cute and the otehr was decently cute), then we'd stay for a while. so we tried to go to this candy/random junk shop and then another thrift store but they were both closed so we went back to the coffee shop and the guys were ready to play, so Leah bought a coffee and we sat on this random but comfy green couch to listen to cute boys play guitar. (phew, long sentence!) They were REALLY good. i have no idea about half of what they were plauying, but I'm gonna guess it was mostly orginal stuff? it was cool anyway and again, they were cute boys, which is good, playing guitars, which is hot in itself, so it was like a double whammy.
we finally decided to go cuz it was getting late, but when I was waiting for LEah to go to the bathroom, one of the guys came back and he was like "hey, thanks for listening" and I said "hey, thanks for playing", adding "tell your cute(r than you) friend to come back here and give me his phone number) in my head LOL.. beause well 1) I'm a dork and I can't talk to boys and 2) I'm leaving in less than a week so it wouldnt make sense to meet and cultivate a relationship witha cute boy I'll never see again. *sigh*
Then I came up with a plan- when I go to SLC, I'll stake out a coffee shop and hang out there till I meet a cute boy... and maybe one day I'll be brave enough to actually talk to him! I'll let yall knmow how it goes.
one more thing before I go to sleep. I have this random ickiness- somehow I must have scratched up the gums above my teeth on one side of my mouth- cuz it's really sore and you can see where the skin's been scraped away. its actually kinda creepy and starting to get on my nerves, but it's not like I can really do anything about it. grr. sorry just annoying and I had to share.
sorry for the sobfest, but I Had to get it out. I feel a bit better. oh and the bandaid on my finger is from my stupidass windshield wipers. whenever i buy new wipers for Claire, somehow they're always the wrong size (even though I always loook onthe little machine and stuff) there are always issues. so i bought the dang things, and realized that I still had some old ones that I bought before but for some reason wouldnt work right.. so I tried to make them work before I busted the new ones. SO i'm wrestling with this old lame wiper that never worked before, and I sorta had it on,but it wasnt right, so in taking it off, I poked a hole in my finger sorta (its just a cut) but its dead in the middle of my index finger, a bad place for a cut. It'll prolly be sore tomorrow, which is even worse. blah on that.
goodnight yall. thanks for reading i ghuess. sorry bout all the typos but I'm too tired to fix 'em. At least I can sleep now cuz I'm all tired/worn out. yay for sleep.