In/Out {alex/lexie}
Title: In/Out
Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Characters/Pairings: Alex/Lexie
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,057
Author's Note: This was written for scoob2222 as part of fandom4thecure. Sorry it took so long; this is the fifth try and probably the best with all of them. I hope it's enjoyable for you.
Summary: Post 6.22 - "Shiny Happy People". She's got a choice to make. She used to think it wouldn't even be one; now she's not so sure.
“He said he wanted me back.”
The lamp next to his side of the bed flickers to life. As far as participation, that’s more than she usually gets from him. There’s some small pleasure to be found in that.
“Mark,” she clarifies, because, light on or off, he’s still silent and still beside her. “He said he wanted me back. In more words but…yeah.”
When she shifts, moving backwards, her body slides into contact with his and she feels his muscles tense. She’s on her side, facing away from him, can’t see him - isn’t really sure that she wants to.
His distinct lack of a reply leaves her with no options other than to keep talking. “I told him I had a boyfriend because, I mean, we’re a couple right? We had that conversation and we’re a - a thing. That what we decided on. And that’s what I told him.”
A door opens down the hall, random chatter. Cristina’s here and it’s late, really late, and she hasn’t been able to sleep. She’s been blaming a lot of that on the noise down the hall but it’s not. It’s Mark’s words replaying over and over in her head, it’s Alex’s hands reaching for her in his sleep, it’s her constantly second guessing herself.
She’d wanted Mark. She’d wanted him so bad it hurt and, yeah, she still did, but it was a dull ache now. So now she’s just not sure whether she should be focusing on the fact that it’s dull or the fact that it’s still an ache.
“I told him I had a boyfriend, and he told me I could have a husband.” The silence in the room is deafening and, you know, she didn’t bring this up to so that she could talk to herself. “Alex? Are you listening to me? Because this isn’t me telling you about my day, this is…I’m telling you this for a reason.”
There’s gentle pressure on her shoulder and she moves with it, ends up flat on her back with him hovering over her, turned on his side and up on his elbow. His expression doesn’t give away nearly as much as she’d hoped. “I’m not going to be that guy.”
She furrows her brow. “What?”
“I’m not going to try and talk you out of it.” Her stomach drops; it’s not what she wanted to hear. Not at all. She wants him to fight for her. She wants to believe there’s a reason she’s even thinking this over at all. “If it’s what you want, it’s what you want.”
“So you don’t care?”
“I didn’t say that.”
This was just an all around bad idea, it really, really was. She scoots to a sitting position, leaning back against the headboard; she feels instantly colder, with the absence of both the blankets and the heat from his body. “You kind of did.”
He doesn’t mimic her movements, instead falling onto his back, forcing himself to have to look up at her. If he would look. Which he’s only really doing in brief glances now. It’s not avoidance so much as a normal pattern for him. “This is new. We’re new. And I don’t want to try and make something work if I’m just going to get screwed. If you want him, then this can be over, and that’s fine. That’s life.”
It makes a fraction more sense than anything else coming out of his mouth before did. A very small fraction. “Alex…”
“Because I don’t want you to be pissed two years from now because I didn’t give you an out when you wanted one,” he adds.
“I don’t even know if I want an out.” There’s more to that thought but the words still on her lips when the rest of his sentence registers. “Two years?”
The groan he gives indicates that he’d really rather she not have picked up on that. “I like you, Lexie. I don’t love you. And you don’t love me. I don’t know if that’s ever going to change. But I’m in this. I didn’t mean to be but I’m in this, and I haven’t exactly had that much luck in that area.”
She swallows, his words setting in. “This is a pre-emptive strike.”
He nods about as much as he can against the pillows. “If you want to do this, do it now.”
“Before this gets more complicated than it already is,” she finishes and, judging by the look he gives her, it’s a close variation on what he was already going to say.
“Because I’m in.”
Lexie knows this isn’t easy for him. She knows that what she’s getting out of him right now is far more than he’s given to most people, save for Izzie. She’s seen him when he’s in, and it led him to an altar with a woman who was probably going to die.
What you see is what you get with him, more often than not, and it’s why she let them relapse; it’s why she gave this a second chance. He’s not going to suddenly decide he wants a family one day. Izzie’s not going to suddenly walk back into Seattle Grace and take him back because he sent her away. He’s as adrift as she is - his only close ties are with her sister, the way she figures it - and there’s something in that concept that makes this work.
It’s worked so far. It’s not broken yet.
She left Mark because they didn’t want the same things. She left him because she found a side of him that she both didn’t know was there and wasn’t ready for.
And she’s not so sure she’s ready to be someone’s wife anymore than she’s ready to be someone’s mother.
“Okay,” she breathes, settling back into the bed once more.
There’s a look on his face, like maybe he wants to know but either doesn’t want to push or doesn’t think he wants the answer. She thinks about Mark’s words, adds Alex’s to the equation, and tries to convince herself that she’s making the right decision.
She thinks she is.
She has to be.
“I’m in.”
His grin sends a warm flood of reassurance through her body and it’s one she matches.
Lexie kisses him like maybe she could love him. She hopes she’s right.
Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Characters/Pairings: Alex/Lexie
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,057
Author's Note: This was written for scoob2222 as part of fandom4thecure. Sorry it took so long; this is the fifth try and probably the best with all of them. I hope it's enjoyable for you.
Summary: Post 6.22 - "Shiny Happy People". She's got a choice to make. She used to think it wouldn't even be one; now she's not so sure.
“He said he wanted me back.”
The lamp next to his side of the bed flickers to life. As far as participation, that’s more than she usually gets from him. There’s some small pleasure to be found in that.
“Mark,” she clarifies, because, light on or off, he’s still silent and still beside her. “He said he wanted me back. In more words but…yeah.”
When she shifts, moving backwards, her body slides into contact with his and she feels his muscles tense. She’s on her side, facing away from him, can’t see him - isn’t really sure that she wants to.
His distinct lack of a reply leaves her with no options other than to keep talking. “I told him I had a boyfriend because, I mean, we’re a couple right? We had that conversation and we’re a - a thing. That what we decided on. And that’s what I told him.”
A door opens down the hall, random chatter. Cristina’s here and it’s late, really late, and she hasn’t been able to sleep. She’s been blaming a lot of that on the noise down the hall but it’s not. It’s Mark’s words replaying over and over in her head, it’s Alex’s hands reaching for her in his sleep, it’s her constantly second guessing herself.
She’d wanted Mark. She’d wanted him so bad it hurt and, yeah, she still did, but it was a dull ache now. So now she’s just not sure whether she should be focusing on the fact that it’s dull or the fact that it’s still an ache.
“I told him I had a boyfriend, and he told me I could have a husband.” The silence in the room is deafening and, you know, she didn’t bring this up to so that she could talk to herself. “Alex? Are you listening to me? Because this isn’t me telling you about my day, this is…I’m telling you this for a reason.”
There’s gentle pressure on her shoulder and she moves with it, ends up flat on her back with him hovering over her, turned on his side and up on his elbow. His expression doesn’t give away nearly as much as she’d hoped. “I’m not going to be that guy.”
She furrows her brow. “What?”
“I’m not going to try and talk you out of it.” Her stomach drops; it’s not what she wanted to hear. Not at all. She wants him to fight for her. She wants to believe there’s a reason she’s even thinking this over at all. “If it’s what you want, it’s what you want.”
“So you don’t care?”
“I didn’t say that.”
This was just an all around bad idea, it really, really was. She scoots to a sitting position, leaning back against the headboard; she feels instantly colder, with the absence of both the blankets and the heat from his body. “You kind of did.”
He doesn’t mimic her movements, instead falling onto his back, forcing himself to have to look up at her. If he would look. Which he’s only really doing in brief glances now. It’s not avoidance so much as a normal pattern for him. “This is new. We’re new. And I don’t want to try and make something work if I’m just going to get screwed. If you want him, then this can be over, and that’s fine. That’s life.”
It makes a fraction more sense than anything else coming out of his mouth before did. A very small fraction. “Alex…”
“Because I don’t want you to be pissed two years from now because I didn’t give you an out when you wanted one,” he adds.
“I don’t even know if I want an out.” There’s more to that thought but the words still on her lips when the rest of his sentence registers. “Two years?”
The groan he gives indicates that he’d really rather she not have picked up on that. “I like you, Lexie. I don’t love you. And you don’t love me. I don’t know if that’s ever going to change. But I’m in this. I didn’t mean to be but I’m in this, and I haven’t exactly had that much luck in that area.”
She swallows, his words setting in. “This is a pre-emptive strike.”
He nods about as much as he can against the pillows. “If you want to do this, do it now.”
“Before this gets more complicated than it already is,” she finishes and, judging by the look he gives her, it’s a close variation on what he was already going to say.
“Because I’m in.”
Lexie knows this isn’t easy for him. She knows that what she’s getting out of him right now is far more than he’s given to most people, save for Izzie. She’s seen him when he’s in, and it led him to an altar with a woman who was probably going to die.
What you see is what you get with him, more often than not, and it’s why she let them relapse; it’s why she gave this a second chance. He’s not going to suddenly decide he wants a family one day. Izzie’s not going to suddenly walk back into Seattle Grace and take him back because he sent her away. He’s as adrift as she is - his only close ties are with her sister, the way she figures it - and there’s something in that concept that makes this work.
It’s worked so far. It’s not broken yet.
She left Mark because they didn’t want the same things. She left him because she found a side of him that she both didn’t know was there and wasn’t ready for.
And she’s not so sure she’s ready to be someone’s wife anymore than she’s ready to be someone’s mother.
“Okay,” she breathes, settling back into the bed once more.
There’s a look on his face, like maybe he wants to know but either doesn’t want to push or doesn’t think he wants the answer. She thinks about Mark’s words, adds Alex’s to the equation, and tries to convince herself that she’s making the right decision.
She thinks she is.
She has to be.
“I’m in.”
His grin sends a warm flood of reassurance through her body and it’s one she matches.
Lexie kisses him like maybe she could love him. She hopes she’s right.