EDs and the SO
I feel like I've been thinking about this a lot lately and had some pretty interesting things to say about it but now all I can think of is - "It's weird" or "It's hard". LOL. Bad!
But seriously, it's both of those things. First, there's the point you get to when you either tell them now or try to hide it. Both are hard. For me I got to that point and I told him. We were lying in bed and he was teasing me and trying to touch my stomach and begging me to tell him why I wouldn't let him. Finally I sat up and told him it was serious and I couldn't tell him while he was laughing. He stopped and I did. We talked about it until 2am. I think I definitely downplayed the part it still plays in my life but really, can you blame me? He was a little freaked out, as he'd never known anyone with an ED before. And I think that was the difference between this and my previous boyfriends who didn't seem to blink at it. They'd been exposed to EDs.
Then came the inevitable, "This is just in your head. Why do you tell yourself these things? Why can't you convince yourself to eat/be healthy? I think you could get past this." I still don't know if he totally grasps it, that this is something I think I'm going to struggle with forever. He's diabetic and I tried to compare it to that but this does stem from something in my head so it's a little hard. I also tried to explain that it's like being an alcoholic. You will always have problems with it. He tried to convince me that if I just went to therapy again I could be fine. I explained (patiently I hope!) that'd I'd been before and I didn't want to go again right now and that it couldn't help me if I wasn't ready to change. Finally we agreed that I'd think about it and left it like that.
One night he went to have dinner with friends and I'd eaten a lot all day so I skipped dinner. I didn't lie convincingly enough about what I'd eaten as he caught me off-guard and we ended up having a huge fight and I cried. Later, after we made up, and were lying in bed he said sleepily that sometimes he wondered if this would be what broke us up. That's when I realized I either needed to eat normally or get much better at lying about it. Obviously, still being the way I am, you know which one I chose. I'm not proud of it but that's what it is.
As it is now though, things are a lot better. He rarely asks what I've eaten as I think he trusts me more that I know what I'm doing and can take care of myself. Also, today he had lunch while a friend of his was over and I had a diet soda. He didn't look thrilled about it but he didn't say anything either. I'm sure he'll make me eat a big dinner later but I'm fine with that, really.
On the other hand, for me, eating-wise this has been pretty hard and I've packed on the pounds. Although the BF's a diabetic (Type1), he eats so much processed, bad-for-you crap. Of course, he can do this without gaining anything but not me. It's all over his apartment and as I write this I'm trying to avoid the allure of Cheez-It's. For a few months I wasn't and it got kind of scary how much crap I ate. Now though, I have some healthy things here and I'm really trying to feel good in clothes I haven't been able to wear in ages. Plus, I'm figuring out portion sizes. I can't eat as much as a guy can! Well, I mean I can... but I shouldn't!
Also, having a boyfriend can be a little bit of a push to loose weight. For me, I know someone is really attracted to me and that calms me down, reduces the urge to binge. However, I can get lax about watching what I eat for the same reason. So it's a balancing act. I do have extra incentive to lose weight though since the BF is 5'10", about 145lb. I'm 5'9" and probably about 135-140lbs. I think he looks skinnier than me and I hate hate hate that!! I never want to be bigger than he is and I think he deserves a slim, svelte girlfriend. I tell myself that when I'm hungry sometimes.
All in all, it's been this crazy extra stress that no fledgling relationship needs but I think we've dealt with it and obviously it's totally worth it!
But seriously, it's both of those things. First, there's the point you get to when you either tell them now or try to hide it. Both are hard. For me I got to that point and I told him. We were lying in bed and he was teasing me and trying to touch my stomach and begging me to tell him why I wouldn't let him. Finally I sat up and told him it was serious and I couldn't tell him while he was laughing. He stopped and I did. We talked about it until 2am. I think I definitely downplayed the part it still plays in my life but really, can you blame me? He was a little freaked out, as he'd never known anyone with an ED before. And I think that was the difference between this and my previous boyfriends who didn't seem to blink at it. They'd been exposed to EDs.
Then came the inevitable, "This is just in your head. Why do you tell yourself these things? Why can't you convince yourself to eat/be healthy? I think you could get past this." I still don't know if he totally grasps it, that this is something I think I'm going to struggle with forever. He's diabetic and I tried to compare it to that but this does stem from something in my head so it's a little hard. I also tried to explain that it's like being an alcoholic. You will always have problems with it. He tried to convince me that if I just went to therapy again I could be fine. I explained (patiently I hope!) that'd I'd been before and I didn't want to go again right now and that it couldn't help me if I wasn't ready to change. Finally we agreed that I'd think about it and left it like that.
One night he went to have dinner with friends and I'd eaten a lot all day so I skipped dinner. I didn't lie convincingly enough about what I'd eaten as he caught me off-guard and we ended up having a huge fight and I cried. Later, after we made up, and were lying in bed he said sleepily that sometimes he wondered if this would be what broke us up. That's when I realized I either needed to eat normally or get much better at lying about it. Obviously, still being the way I am, you know which one I chose. I'm not proud of it but that's what it is.
As it is now though, things are a lot better. He rarely asks what I've eaten as I think he trusts me more that I know what I'm doing and can take care of myself. Also, today he had lunch while a friend of his was over and I had a diet soda. He didn't look thrilled about it but he didn't say anything either. I'm sure he'll make me eat a big dinner later but I'm fine with that, really.
On the other hand, for me, eating-wise this has been pretty hard and I've packed on the pounds. Although the BF's a diabetic (Type1), he eats so much processed, bad-for-you crap. Of course, he can do this without gaining anything but not me. It's all over his apartment and as I write this I'm trying to avoid the allure of Cheez-It's. For a few months I wasn't and it got kind of scary how much crap I ate. Now though, I have some healthy things here and I'm really trying to feel good in clothes I haven't been able to wear in ages. Plus, I'm figuring out portion sizes. I can't eat as much as a guy can! Well, I mean I can... but I shouldn't!
Also, having a boyfriend can be a little bit of a push to loose weight. For me, I know someone is really attracted to me and that calms me down, reduces the urge to binge. However, I can get lax about watching what I eat for the same reason. So it's a balancing act. I do have extra incentive to lose weight though since the BF is 5'10", about 145lb. I'm 5'9" and probably about 135-140lbs. I think he looks skinnier than me and I hate hate hate that!! I never want to be bigger than he is and I think he deserves a slim, svelte girlfriend. I tell myself that when I'm hungry sometimes.
All in all, it's been this crazy extra stress that no fledgling relationship needs but I think we've dealt with it and obviously it's totally worth it!