(no subject)
so i guess i dont really use this thing much..
i guess the only time i ever feel like writing anything is a stupid survey to take up time
or when i feel really shittty and happen to be home..
whoo hooo.. i feel shitty and im home yay
okey so here goes.. first off i will tell you all what set me off today...
this morning i was waiting for class with aaron and as he was going to class i asked if he wanted to hang out when i got out of english that night..
he said no.. but i assumed he was joking... (mistake numba one)
well i go on with my day
and what not... i kinda get wondering if he was joking or not
so on my way to english i call...
rejected.. i know my phone call was rejected cuz it did the ring two times then go to voicemail..
(okey im not stupid when it comes to cell phones... if your phones off.. it goes straight to voicemail.. no rings.. if its not answered... it just rings like 5 times then voicemail.... lastly if it rings less than 5 and then goes to voicemail your phone call has just been denied....)
anyways i disreguarded this because maybe aaron was sleeping.. or whatever... it didnt matter at that point
i had school to go to... so i went and when it was over i called again... so its been at least three hours since the first call.... and again... rejected..10 minutes later same thing so i send a voicemail which is completely just deleted without listening to it.... i sit in my car at the beach for another hour and a half calling one more time and sending one more voicemail.. this time with me crying
and yet again.. no answer .. no call back.....
its not that he didnt want to hang out with me.. i can have time apart thats fine...
its that he doesnt even answer or call me back.. just rejects my phone call and doesnt bother...
honestly.. i dont feel like im good enough.. so i tend to freak out alot.. especially when i have been by myself for a long time.. to be totally serious... im soo scared that one day aarons gonna wake up and realise that theres someone prettier, smarter, nicer , all around a better person for him.. im sooo scared... cuz i love him sooo ooooooo much its soo rediculous to imagine.. i feel so safe when im with him.. like nothing bad has ever happend or will ever happen.. its such a good feeling...his smile makes my day, his headache ruins my day... even tho i dont want to say it... hes my world... and to feel like one minute he might be totally annoyed by me and realise what a loser i am...is gut-wrenching... i guess im just ranting... cuz i know i wont tell him this.. so i need to get it out.. sometimes i just feel so shitty about myself i dont see any point in anything...
on a nicer side.. i got an A on my paper in that shitty english class... yay me..
i guess the only time i ever feel like writing anything is a stupid survey to take up time
or when i feel really shittty and happen to be home..
whoo hooo.. i feel shitty and im home yay
okey so here goes.. first off i will tell you all what set me off today...
this morning i was waiting for class with aaron and as he was going to class i asked if he wanted to hang out when i got out of english that night..
he said no.. but i assumed he was joking... (mistake numba one)
well i go on with my day
and what not... i kinda get wondering if he was joking or not
so on my way to english i call...
rejected.. i know my phone call was rejected cuz it did the ring two times then go to voicemail..
(okey im not stupid when it comes to cell phones... if your phones off.. it goes straight to voicemail.. no rings.. if its not answered... it just rings like 5 times then voicemail.... lastly if it rings less than 5 and then goes to voicemail your phone call has just been denied....)
anyways i disreguarded this because maybe aaron was sleeping.. or whatever... it didnt matter at that point
i had school to go to... so i went and when it was over i called again... so its been at least three hours since the first call.... and again... rejected..10 minutes later same thing so i send a voicemail which is completely just deleted without listening to it.... i sit in my car at the beach for another hour and a half calling one more time and sending one more voicemail.. this time with me crying
and yet again.. no answer .. no call back.....
its not that he didnt want to hang out with me.. i can have time apart thats fine...
its that he doesnt even answer or call me back.. just rejects my phone call and doesnt bother...
honestly.. i dont feel like im good enough.. so i tend to freak out alot.. especially when i have been by myself for a long time.. to be totally serious... im soo scared that one day aarons gonna wake up and realise that theres someone prettier, smarter, nicer , all around a better person for him.. im sooo scared... cuz i love him sooo ooooooo much its soo rediculous to imagine.. i feel so safe when im with him.. like nothing bad has ever happend or will ever happen.. its such a good feeling...his smile makes my day, his headache ruins my day... even tho i dont want to say it... hes my world... and to feel like one minute he might be totally annoyed by me and realise what a loser i am...is gut-wrenching... i guess im just ranting... cuz i know i wont tell him this.. so i need to get it out.. sometimes i just feel so shitty about myself i dont see any point in anything...
on a nicer side.. i got an A on my paper in that shitty english class... yay me..