A fine line
I somehow managed to get myself into a lot of trouble. Its strange though, because the day after my whole life is fucked up, I get an unexpected call. Amanda Monteiro called my cell phone and told me to call her house, so I did. We talked about some things and it seems that everytime I go to push her out of my life, she calls me to fight her way back to my heart. I told her yesterday that I don't want to date her, but a part of me will always love her. There is nothing I can do to change the past with her, I guess I'm not ready to move on because everytime she calls me, I talk to her. Somehow, in my head I want to let her go but my heart won't let me. She knows what she did to me, she knows how bad she hurt me, and she still cares. I find that amazing, its like a roller coaster ride with her. I wonder why she called me though, she said she just wanted to talk to me, but for some reason, I know there was more. The first words out of her mouth were "so you still with Ashley?" and when I told her no, she said I was lying but she said she was glad that we weren't together. So I asked her if she broke up with Jen and for some reason we got back together again, and then if she broke up with me to be with Jen again, if she thought I would still be on the sideline...she said it wasn't her choice but she would want me to be there. Pretty much she told me that she needed me but she doesn't see that even though she needs me, she's seeking comfort in someone else. She's going to see Jen on the 18th of June and she's gonna be there for a while. That hurt me when she said that, because I remember she was supposed to come see me this summer. I swear, everytime I pick up the pieces of my broken heart and glue them back together, she comes along and breaks it again, and its sad because we aren't even going out. I guess she wants me to tell her that I love her, and I do. I have no idea what is going to happen between us. And then Kylie and her are fighting. Everything is just a big mess, and I'm trying to solve it one problem at a time.