Downhill
(pre-s: I have to get this out somewhere.)
He has a girlfriend.
How is it possible that someone can feel so heart-shattered when nothing even began?
I don't understand it at all.. but well, here it is. And its so much more than the rejection... maybe it was the leading on, the broken promises, the LYING (hypocrite..) then the rejection, not direct, but that I had to find out for myself. Maybe it was the fact that I was at a point where I seriously needed someone else to talk to, someone new who might be able to comfort me. At least I felt like I really needed it. I don't know if he realizes what he did and is a huge-mongous asshole or if he's just incredibly stupid, but either way I was wrong about him. I don't hate him. I hate human nature.
So now my luck rating with boys has gone into the negative numbers. I don't think I've ever tried this hard for a boy... ever in my life, seriously. My judgement/timing sucks greatly.. Its like the moment I decide to spread my wings a hurricane hits. Dead bird against tree. Or maybe I'm supposed to be single forever. who knows.
Right now I just want to go off and be incredibly sad. but I'm kinda mad also, because I hate being sad over nothing. that's right, nothing. it IS pathetic. I tried for nothing. I absolutely hate that feeling.
I always did prefer to go downhill.
ps: Disneyland was fun. :). I really want to live there. And I want an ewok stuffed animal. I want too much
He has a girlfriend.
How is it possible that someone can feel so heart-shattered when nothing even began?
I don't understand it at all.. but well, here it is. And its so much more than the rejection... maybe it was the leading on, the broken promises, the LYING (hypocrite..) then the rejection, not direct, but that I had to find out for myself. Maybe it was the fact that I was at a point where I seriously needed someone else to talk to, someone new who might be able to comfort me. At least I felt like I really needed it. I don't know if he realizes what he did and is a huge-mongous asshole or if he's just incredibly stupid, but either way I was wrong about him. I don't hate him. I hate human nature.
So now my luck rating with boys has gone into the negative numbers. I don't think I've ever tried this hard for a boy... ever in my life, seriously. My judgement/timing sucks greatly.. Its like the moment I decide to spread my wings a hurricane hits. Dead bird against tree. Or maybe I'm supposed to be single forever. who knows.
Right now I just want to go off and be incredibly sad. but I'm kinda mad also, because I hate being sad over nothing. that's right, nothing. it IS pathetic. I tried for nothing. I absolutely hate that feeling.
I always did prefer to go downhill.
ps: Disneyland was fun. :). I really want to live there. And I want an ewok stuffed animal. I want too much