(no subject)
Anybody ever watch that show 24? That one with the one lost boy, you know, David or whatever the fuck his name was? Yeah, the guy went to the school of beating people's asses and majored in wallchecking. He's gotta have Tourettes, too, cause he's talking, right, and then BAM SCREAMING.
So, anyway, TOPIC. DRINKING GAMES. It's a good way to get productive with your time, kids. I call it the Jack Bauer drinking game. You take a drink everytime he wallchecks someone, screams at you, points a gun at you, or is all TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO KNOW. So, tell you what, wasted in the first 15 minutes. That fucker just. doesn't. stop.
So, anyway, belly full of bourbon, I fall asleep and now I am in the show. I dunno. As Agent Fucked Your Mom. Who cares. Anyway, it was shit fucking hot, but let's cut to the chase. So, we're gunnin' it Chow Yun Fat style down the fuckin road, when the fat kid from the Sandlot shows up, right? And there's this pizza here, and fatty wants a bite, but me and Jack, we know better. We're fucking agents. That pizza is a bomb, so we're like NO FATTY, DON'T.
Whatever. So, I woke up and I think I took a piss in my potted plant, cause, you know, I couldn't find the bathroom, and I woke up and my plant was dead, but anyway, back to the dream. So, now we're looking for that goddamn baseball that the little douchefuck from the movie took, because, I dunno, the president loves shitty baseball memorabilia, and it's a goddamn matter of national security. So, Jack is choking little kids like it's his goddamn JOB, all GIVE ME THE INFORMATION, and I'm like SHIT, JACK, BACKHAND THAT TWITCHY FAGGOT, and, goddamned if we weren't the best fucking team ever. But, anyway, my dreams are like Stephen King novels. They rock the shit out of you and then you want to skullfuck me for ganking you on the ending. Oh well.
Oh, yeah, and I fucked his daughter, who looks a lot like that blonde from downstairs. Jack was all "Do it for the children." So, chick downstairs, if that gets you in the mood, I am upstairs. We can play a drinking game called drink everytime I try and dry hump you.
So, anyway, TOPIC. DRINKING GAMES. It's a good way to get productive with your time, kids. I call it the Jack Bauer drinking game. You take a drink everytime he wallchecks someone, screams at you, points a gun at you, or is all TELL ME WHAT I WANT TO KNOW. So, tell you what, wasted in the first 15 minutes. That fucker just. doesn't. stop.
So, anyway, belly full of bourbon, I fall asleep and now I am in the show. I dunno. As Agent Fucked Your Mom. Who cares. Anyway, it was shit fucking hot, but let's cut to the chase. So, we're gunnin' it Chow Yun Fat style down the fuckin road, when the fat kid from the Sandlot shows up, right? And there's this pizza here, and fatty wants a bite, but me and Jack, we know better. We're fucking agents. That pizza is a bomb, so we're like NO FATTY, DON'T.
Whatever. So, I woke up and I think I took a piss in my potted plant, cause, you know, I couldn't find the bathroom, and I woke up and my plant was dead, but anyway, back to the dream. So, now we're looking for that goddamn baseball that the little douchefuck from the movie took, because, I dunno, the president loves shitty baseball memorabilia, and it's a goddamn matter of national security. So, Jack is choking little kids like it's his goddamn JOB, all GIVE ME THE INFORMATION, and I'm like SHIT, JACK, BACKHAND THAT TWITCHY FAGGOT, and, goddamned if we weren't the best fucking team ever. But, anyway, my dreams are like Stephen King novels. They rock the shit out of you and then you want to skullfuck me for ganking you on the ending. Oh well.
Oh, yeah, and I fucked his daughter, who looks a lot like that blonde from downstairs. Jack was all "Do it for the children." So, chick downstairs, if that gets you in the mood, I am upstairs. We can play a drinking game called drink everytime I try and dry hump you.