Hate to Bitch...
I hate to bitch after such an awesome weekend at AWA...I had so much fun, even though part of it I spent in pain and am currently still hurting. LOL oh well worth it! Dressing up, even if you're not cosplaying sometimes has to hurt to be good...haha. or just skanky...Anyway I'm gonna bitch because I'm in a fucked up emo mood. ::looks side to side:: I hope I don't get in trouble for using all this language...oh well fuck it.
Anyway, I just wanted to bitch about how I felt emotionally. I feel very alone. I feel ready for some hot guy to love me and understand me and work with me and also the other way around. I mean I just am so sick of being single. Yeah its awesome cuz I get to look and flirt and all that jazz but on the other hand I feel so left behind. Just about everyone I know is in a relationship...I guess I don't hang out with the largets crowds anymore...it has dwindled down farhter and farhter and even beyond people i never expected it to dwindle past..Another thing is I was on Facebook (lame I know...) and I was looking at my feed and was checking people's pages and saw that Michael had been tagged in photos by Heather...well to fill you in Heather hates me cuz well I kindda bitched her out one night...ooops...oh well and she never forgave me for it. And the picture was one she posted and it was her and a bunch of people i used to hang out with when she liked me and I was dating Michael. Well in the pic Michael and Becca are both in it...and I just sortta got upset. Because I felt like things in my life fell apart and I just feel that because Michael and I broke up...everyone stopped talking to me...Well save for the people who were really my friends...like Gretchen and Tay...although as of late Tay is rather absent...I feel like I don't even know him anymore...
Well another bitching session...I hate when people get sick. One it sucks for them...and two it made us leave the yaoi panel early. I was excited cuz we were doing acting games and you can't get that crazy in acting at school...you'll prolly get in trouble...so yeah it sucks majorly. I really wanted to see it especially since it would've been my first TRUE yaoi experience...haha. Anyway I guess all in all I just sortta feel like everyone else is at least going somewhere and all I'm doing is sitting here drooling over guys that look got because they're cosplaying...and underneath they're prolly not that amazing. Not to mention it was a two day thing and now its over. I also am disappointed in myself. I'm not the person I want to be or try and come across as...I hate that. I want to be someone really confident and really just full of life and energy and happy and not wishy washy dreamy about every hot guy that walks by. I want to be like those women who are so strong and hold themselves up and then just one day...BAM! Love hits them in the face. I fear being stuck alone forever. People tell me it won't happen but when I think about my life I wonder if I'll find a guy who will love me and be able to cope with me and my lifestyle and every little thing...I mean I know things will never be perfect...nobody can ask for that...no will anyone get it....but I mean I just wonder if its possible for ME to get someone who fits...like that one piece that fits into the other puzzle piece and then suddenly the puzzle comes together as a whole...
Well I do suppose I have relished in the drama far too long and have to retreat...oy. I'm such a baka....I wish I could just get out there and "do" and "be" I feel so stuck I guess, for lack of better words..., well I'm really done now....gomen....gomen nasi (i prolly just fucked that spelling up so forgive me...well I best be off before I get more frustrated)
Anyway, I just wanted to bitch about how I felt emotionally. I feel very alone. I feel ready for some hot guy to love me and understand me and work with me and also the other way around. I mean I just am so sick of being single. Yeah its awesome cuz I get to look and flirt and all that jazz but on the other hand I feel so left behind. Just about everyone I know is in a relationship...I guess I don't hang out with the largets crowds anymore...it has dwindled down farhter and farhter and even beyond people i never expected it to dwindle past..Another thing is I was on Facebook (lame I know...) and I was looking at my feed and was checking people's pages and saw that Michael had been tagged in photos by Heather...well to fill you in Heather hates me cuz well I kindda bitched her out one night...ooops...oh well and she never forgave me for it. And the picture was one she posted and it was her and a bunch of people i used to hang out with when she liked me and I was dating Michael. Well in the pic Michael and Becca are both in it...and I just sortta got upset. Because I felt like things in my life fell apart and I just feel that because Michael and I broke up...everyone stopped talking to me...Well save for the people who were really my friends...like Gretchen and Tay...although as of late Tay is rather absent...I feel like I don't even know him anymore...
Well another bitching session...I hate when people get sick. One it sucks for them...and two it made us leave the yaoi panel early. I was excited cuz we were doing acting games and you can't get that crazy in acting at school...you'll prolly get in trouble...so yeah it sucks majorly. I really wanted to see it especially since it would've been my first TRUE yaoi experience...haha. Anyway I guess all in all I just sortta feel like everyone else is at least going somewhere and all I'm doing is sitting here drooling over guys that look got because they're cosplaying...and underneath they're prolly not that amazing. Not to mention it was a two day thing and now its over. I also am disappointed in myself. I'm not the person I want to be or try and come across as...I hate that. I want to be someone really confident and really just full of life and energy and happy and not wishy washy dreamy about every hot guy that walks by. I want to be like those women who are so strong and hold themselves up and then just one day...BAM! Love hits them in the face. I fear being stuck alone forever. People tell me it won't happen but when I think about my life I wonder if I'll find a guy who will love me and be able to cope with me and my lifestyle and every little thing...I mean I know things will never be perfect...nobody can ask for that...no will anyone get it....but I mean I just wonder if its possible for ME to get someone who fits...like that one piece that fits into the other puzzle piece and then suddenly the puzzle comes together as a whole...
Well I do suppose I have relished in the drama far too long and have to retreat...oy. I'm such a baka....I wish I could just get out there and "do" and "be" I feel so stuck I guess, for lack of better words..., well I'm really done now....gomen....gomen nasi (i prolly just fucked that spelling up so forgive me...well I best be off before I get more frustrated)