(no subject)
So I went to see Total Recall on Monday. I wasn't gonna because I was counting on The Bourne Legacy to fulfill my action quota, but then some of my mom's friends liked it enough to go again and I thought hey, if cheap old people want to see it twice it must be worth something. It was, I'm glad I saw it.
Good Points
First. Colin Farrell. His eyebrows are astounding, and he can wear a pair of heeled boots like he invented them.
Second. Jessica Biel. Damn, she is fine to look at.
Third. There was minimal talking. Mostly there were chases of various kinds interspersed with fighting. A lot of gun fights, but still some fist fighting.
Fourth. The settings were neato. The future is really 3D, so the blocking was cool. Sometimes elevators go sideways and you have to deal with them. Also cars drive on the top and there's no gravity in the middle of the earth.
Fifth. John Cho in bleached hair and a black man shirt. With tattoos.
Sixth. The general lack of depth.
Seventh. It was equal opportunity clothed and nonclothedness for everyone. Hurrah equality!
Bad Points.
First. The arbitrary accents. All the good people have American accents, even though:
1. These countries are based on England and Australia.
2. Colin Farrell is from Ireland and we could be listening to him speak in an Irish accent.
3. BILL NIGHY SHOULD NEVER SPEAK IN AN AMERICAN ACCENT. EVER.
4. EVER.
5. I think the Big Bad had an American accent too, wtf?
And Kate Beckinsale's accent wandered.
Second. I know the government is the bad guys and all, but Kate Beckinsale is really mean for a cop. Like, does the British Empire Part II purposely hire cops with psychopathic tendencies? Or is she a one-off? Because excessive.
Third. I don't believe that a person could crawl up the outside of a giant commuter train moving fast enough to go from Australia to England in 17 minutes, much less a giant commuter train that has recently passed near the earth's core. I hear it's very hot, the earth's core.
Fourth. What the hell is Jessica Biel's character's name? Did they mention it and I was distracted by her lips? Because everyone else, their dialogue was 60% calling each other by name and I can name six of the characters (you know that never happens), but not hers.
Fifth. The bad guys took Stormtrooper Marksmanship way too seriously. Does the Colony do a brisk trade in bulletproof sunscreen? Because that is the only explanation for why Colin Farrell and Jessica Biel live.
movie haiku:
lots of rain in Oz
always sunny in England
the future is jacked
Good Points
First. Colin Farrell. His eyebrows are astounding, and he can wear a pair of heeled boots like he invented them.
Second. Jessica Biel. Damn, she is fine to look at.
Third. There was minimal talking. Mostly there were chases of various kinds interspersed with fighting. A lot of gun fights, but still some fist fighting.
Fourth. The settings were neato. The future is really 3D, so the blocking was cool. Sometimes elevators go sideways and you have to deal with them. Also cars drive on the top and there's no gravity in the middle of the earth.
Fifth. John Cho in bleached hair and a black man shirt. With tattoos.
Sixth. The general lack of depth.
Seventh. It was equal opportunity clothed and nonclothedness for everyone. Hurrah equality!
Bad Points.
First. The arbitrary accents. All the good people have American accents, even though:
1. These countries are based on England and Australia.
2. Colin Farrell is from Ireland and we could be listening to him speak in an Irish accent.
3. BILL NIGHY SHOULD NEVER SPEAK IN AN AMERICAN ACCENT. EVER.
4. EVER.
5. I think the Big Bad had an American accent too, wtf?
And Kate Beckinsale's accent wandered.
Second. I know the government is the bad guys and all, but Kate Beckinsale is really mean for a cop. Like, does the British Empire Part II purposely hire cops with psychopathic tendencies? Or is she a one-off? Because excessive.
Third. I don't believe that a person could crawl up the outside of a giant commuter train moving fast enough to go from Australia to England in 17 minutes, much less a giant commuter train that has recently passed near the earth's core. I hear it's very hot, the earth's core.
Fourth. What the hell is Jessica Biel's character's name? Did they mention it and I was distracted by her lips? Because everyone else, their dialogue was 60% calling each other by name and I can name six of the characters (you know that never happens), but not hers.
Fifth. The bad guys took Stormtrooper Marksmanship way too seriously. Does the Colony do a brisk trade in bulletproof sunscreen? Because that is the only explanation for why Colin Farrell and Jessica Biel live.
movie haiku:
lots of rain in Oz
always sunny in England
the future is jacked