it's two-thirds of a movie, really

[slipperyliz]

I went to see Jonah Hex on Friday, and while I can't exactly say I regret it, don't go. There wasn't enough of a movie there to warrant sentences and paragraphs and such, so here's a list.

Music: Electric guitars and drums. In a Western.
Plot: Iffy.
Length: 81 minutes. And ten of those minutes are flashbacks to earlier scenes.
President: Must have a thing for Jonah Hex. Why else would he hire him and pardon him and make him sheriff of America?
The Future: It's coming! You're a thing of the past! Well, this theme has had its thirty seconds. Next theme!
Raising the Dead: Cool. But you're no Lee Pace.
Graveyard Scene: Best scene. Still too much exposition.
Jonah, You're Like This: A full third of the lines are someone else telling Jonah Hex what he's like.
Megan Fox: If we all wish hard, someday she too will get pants.
That Scene in the Dirt: What?
That Scene in the Dirt Continued: Wait, what?
That Scene in the Dirt Part 3: How about one fight between the same two people at a time.
The Irish Guy: Chin tattoos? Sure, that's what comes to mind when I think of Ireland.
Throwing Up Crows: Why? Also why yellow contacts?
John Malkovich: Must have lost a bet.
The Crow Indians: Thank god for magical Indians!