(no subject)

[slinky335]

i don't know what to think or what to feel. i'm lost in my own confusion. i thought i knew the answers, i thought i understood what i was doing, but now i'm finding myself in a state of numbness. i can honestly say at this point i have no idea what to do. If i do one thing, i hurt myself, and if i do another i hurt other people around me. my heart is saying one thing and my mind is saying another! why does it come so easily and naturally for some people where others struggle with it? for some people, why is it joyous, when for others it's heartbreaking!? I HATE GROWING UP, but at the same time i find myself anxious for the future! i wish i could go back to when i was a little girl and run through my house in my "dress-up" clothes, not having to worry about life. Being able to have my mommy and daddy fix my problems, tell me it's ok, tuck me in bed at night, pick me up when i fall, i miss the sense of security. i miss being "daddy's little girl," i miss the innocence of youth!

what do u do when no one is there to hold your hand? what do you do when you can't hear anything? what do u do when you can't see past what lies at present? i want to escape it all....i want to be free from the thoughts inside of me...i torture myself night and day with these thoughts....i can't take it...i need to breathe...and exhale the confusion of the past...i'm movin on..forgetting what i've felt and embracing the unknown

sry i had to get that out after a wonderful conversation with the parents...(note the sarcasm)

much love,
mandi