to keep my nerves from going PAING! like a thousand breaking piano wires
i am in such a strange mood today... tonight... i had all these wild dreams last night vaguely tied into "marjorie morningstar" and when i woke up i felt like i wasn't quite myself. and i started writing something new... something entirely unlike everything else i've written and i don't know what it is yet or where it's coming from, but it's
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it seems to me that it's up to you to get ahold of me, seeing as the last time i saw you, when i *wanted* to talk to you. even just to say hello for a moment, you deliberately snubbed and ignored me, for no good reason, as far as i could tell.
i can't just be your friend when it's convenient for you, frank. i thought there was more to it for you than that, but this summer i've begun to question.
i've changed a lot since march? april? when we talked last. i have changed a lot. a lot of really shitty, harsh fucking bad things have happened to me, and i'm not quite as quick to trust now.
i'm sorry, but i don't enjoy being ignored by people who are supposed to be my friends and love me and all that shit. respond to this any way you like... as always i'm willing to talk but i can't guarantee you that you'll be able to explain this to me.
why do you think that it is all right for you to ignore me when you see me, to give me no word of greeting, no sign of friendship whatsoever?
i'm leaving for college on saturday morning. i'm putting the contact in your hands, dear... it would seem to me that it's your responsibility to fix your little error in judgement. you know my phone number... my email is relieved_deity@yahoo.com. if you feel that you can reasonably unravel this great mystery to me, then by all means try.
i'm not going to keep coming back if you plan on treating me like shit. i'm sorry. my head and my nerves and my heart are too frayed and flayed to put myself out there anymore. i'm going to go to bed and think about not crying.
- heather
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