but do you miss me like a missing child?
god i feel like shit. Shiiiiit. and for once it doesn't have to do with my current mentality. no i am actually sick and isn't it wondrous. i am sneezing and sneezing. it's so irritating. anyway, nothing much really going on right now, just drawing a lot of comics. i did three i think today, one of which actually took me a whole 2 hours because my head was all spinny from the medicine that i'm taking. today - dayquil. yesterday - benadryl, which is, we find, very bad for me and fucked me up very badly. i seriously couldn't move. all my limbs were really heavy and i felt like i was in this tunnel and everyone was talking to me but i didn't really want to answer them because it took way too much effort to talk. it was not good at all. i felt like i had been chloroformed or something. i passed out at like 6 and slept in my druggie haze until like 9:15. i think it's a very good thing that i have no desire to do any real drugs, because they would just destroy my brain.
beth is gone on her u of m orientation and it's no fun with her gone. i want her to be back now to watch stupid movies with me and make fun of people. i got her a fun welcome back card with a cat on it though. it's exactly her kind of thing.
so i am even more convinced that ben is my guardian angel.. the night after i saw nikki i was so upset and sick that i couldn't sleep until like 4:30 in the morning, but when i finally went to sleep... i had the most beautiful, reassuring, protective dream. i was at a concert, outside, standing in line, and somehow or other i got to be the first person into the venue, and i was right up against the stage. and then a guy that i recognized vaguely from ben's entourage came up to me and said, "hey, you're heather, right?" and i said, "um... yeah." and he said, "oh, ben wants to talk to you." and smiled at me. so i followed him back to this green room area and ben was there, just smiling at me, and we started talking, just talking about all kinds of things, and he was asking me about my life, and how things were going, and i told him some of the sadnesses that i've been going through, and he just sort of looked down, and then he handed me this little book... because i had made him all those things, he made me something.. and there were two songs in it that he had written for me, and a poem, and some little drawings, of the piano, and just doodles that he had done. and the cover and back were cloth, and he had sewn it together at one corner... it was beautiful, and as i looked through it crying, he got all shy, and looked down a lot, and patted my hand. it was the happiest dream... and then we walked around the backstage together and he showed me his piano, and we talked, and he told me about australia and even a little abour his wife, and it was lovely... like we were just friends, chatting. and he knew that i was sad, and he put his arm around me, and said, "don't worry about anything. things will be all right." and i believed him. and i really think that wherever he is he knows. he knows that i am here, and that i am unhappy, and he is still taking care of me from wherever he is. i woke up feeling so happy, and protected, and refreshed even... and not sad at all. i woke up feeling like he was holding my hand and walking me through whatever shit the day brought. and i still feel that way, calm... peaceful. but also icky and sick and germy. ah well you can't have everything... :)
beth is gone on her u of m orientation and it's no fun with her gone. i want her to be back now to watch stupid movies with me and make fun of people. i got her a fun welcome back card with a cat on it though. it's exactly her kind of thing.
so i am even more convinced that ben is my guardian angel.. the night after i saw nikki i was so upset and sick that i couldn't sleep until like 4:30 in the morning, but when i finally went to sleep... i had the most beautiful, reassuring, protective dream. i was at a concert, outside, standing in line, and somehow or other i got to be the first person into the venue, and i was right up against the stage. and then a guy that i recognized vaguely from ben's entourage came up to me and said, "hey, you're heather, right?" and i said, "um... yeah." and he said, "oh, ben wants to talk to you." and smiled at me. so i followed him back to this green room area and ben was there, just smiling at me, and we started talking, just talking about all kinds of things, and he was asking me about my life, and how things were going, and i told him some of the sadnesses that i've been going through, and he just sort of looked down, and then he handed me this little book... because i had made him all those things, he made me something.. and there were two songs in it that he had written for me, and a poem, and some little drawings, of the piano, and just doodles that he had done. and the cover and back were cloth, and he had sewn it together at one corner... it was beautiful, and as i looked through it crying, he got all shy, and looked down a lot, and patted my hand. it was the happiest dream... and then we walked around the backstage together and he showed me his piano, and we talked, and he told me about australia and even a little abour his wife, and it was lovely... like we were just friends, chatting. and he knew that i was sad, and he put his arm around me, and said, "don't worry about anything. things will be all right." and i believed him. and i really think that wherever he is he knows. he knows that i am here, and that i am unhappy, and he is still taking care of me from wherever he is. i woke up feeling so happy, and protected, and refreshed even... and not sad at all. i woke up feeling like he was holding my hand and walking me through whatever shit the day brought. and i still feel that way, calm... peaceful. but also icky and sick and germy. ah well you can't have everything... :)