it's really no big deal... it happens all the time
well i found out tonight from ryan m that frank has no desire to be my friend anymore... which saddens me greatly. he said, in a Quote "malicious" tone, that he "didn't want me to hug him or talk to him with his girlfriend around." well... since that is OH I DONT KNOW - all the time... i see how it is going to be.
i am really starting to think that it's my purpose in life to be left by those people that i unfortunately have grown to care about. and i do mean unfortunately. if i didn't always fall for their friendship crap then this wouldn't happen. i don't even want to try and make new friends... all they'll do is shit on me too. just like mary, who sabotaged and used me until i had nothing left to give, and nikki, who has just faded herself out, and frank, who relies on silence or other people to get rid of me, and todd, with his nonemailing ass.. everyone is a disappointment sooner or later. it's only a matter of time. i am in the mood to piss on stupid anne frank's diary. piss piss piss.
"all people are innately good," well, let me tell you that THAT is Buuuuullshit. absolute Fucking bullshit. if people can hurt you they will, and judging from all the lovely friends that i have lost recently, they will take great pleasure in doing it too. they will love every minute of your crying, misery, selfloathing, wondering what is wrong with yourself that you are so easily packed away, and especially the moment of realization, that you have been thrown aside. they really like that one i'm sure. well, take your fucking happiness in my despair, you selfabsorbed fiends, because i won't be around very long, and then you'll all have to find someone else to torment with your selfish shit. and i can also guarantee you that i will never be back here. fuck it all. i never want to see this fucking town or any of these people again. i don't even want to think about them, but that's sort of impossible with reminders of them everywhere i turn.
i think i am going to hold a garage sale and get rid of all the shit i have that even remotely reminds me of any of them. the sooner it's gone the better. it'll be like a "clear out heather's emotional dumping ground" sale. that is a very entertaining idea. i really like it. make some cash off my pain. how wondrous.
so tomorrow/today i go to see ben folds for the fourth time, and i'm going to ask him to play "best imitation" for me. i have a collage that i made him that is beautiful, and also some of my poems that i've written for him, or pertaining to him somehow. he's my aloe. smoothing away all this shit. i seriously have to keep concentrating on that right now or i really think that i will honestly lose my fucking mind. i've cried more in the last four days than i have in months. i hate crying. i hate it. i wish everyone would just leave me alone...
mood: depressed as shit
music: ben...always ben.
i am really starting to think that it's my purpose in life to be left by those people that i unfortunately have grown to care about. and i do mean unfortunately. if i didn't always fall for their friendship crap then this wouldn't happen. i don't even want to try and make new friends... all they'll do is shit on me too. just like mary, who sabotaged and used me until i had nothing left to give, and nikki, who has just faded herself out, and frank, who relies on silence or other people to get rid of me, and todd, with his nonemailing ass.. everyone is a disappointment sooner or later. it's only a matter of time. i am in the mood to piss on stupid anne frank's diary. piss piss piss.
"all people are innately good," well, let me tell you that THAT is Buuuuullshit. absolute Fucking bullshit. if people can hurt you they will, and judging from all the lovely friends that i have lost recently, they will take great pleasure in doing it too. they will love every minute of your crying, misery, selfloathing, wondering what is wrong with yourself that you are so easily packed away, and especially the moment of realization, that you have been thrown aside. they really like that one i'm sure. well, take your fucking happiness in my despair, you selfabsorbed fiends, because i won't be around very long, and then you'll all have to find someone else to torment with your selfish shit. and i can also guarantee you that i will never be back here. fuck it all. i never want to see this fucking town or any of these people again. i don't even want to think about them, but that's sort of impossible with reminders of them everywhere i turn.
i think i am going to hold a garage sale and get rid of all the shit i have that even remotely reminds me of any of them. the sooner it's gone the better. it'll be like a "clear out heather's emotional dumping ground" sale. that is a very entertaining idea. i really like it. make some cash off my pain. how wondrous.
so tomorrow/today i go to see ben folds for the fourth time, and i'm going to ask him to play "best imitation" for me. i have a collage that i made him that is beautiful, and also some of my poems that i've written for him, or pertaining to him somehow. he's my aloe. smoothing away all this shit. i seriously have to keep concentrating on that right now or i really think that i will honestly lose my fucking mind. i've cried more in the last four days than i have in months. i hate crying. i hate it. i wish everyone would just leave me alone...
mood: depressed as shit
music: ben...always ben.