i can't go on, i'll go on --samuel beckett
well we got like 10 inches of snow. that does not improve my already vaguely bad mood... in fact it really makes it worse. i hate snow. i hate it i hate it i hate it. and, to further aggravate me, i feel like i am of no use at improv, because the week that isaac, etc were on choir tour, johnny came up with a Weirdo Musician character... and unknowing that he was doing that, so did i... and i thought mine was funny... but there just isn't room for two. and everyone seems to like his better... and i don't mean to sound whiny, but i like mine better. partly because everyone else can do anything, and there are only a few things that i think i'm any good at. and i feel entirely useless... and then isaac and i had the idea that i'd do interpretive dance while johnny played his "instrument," but that didn't really work out, because as mike put it, "no offense but i really didn't pay any attention to heather. i don't know why..." and then leslie was like, "yeah i didn't either..." so that was a goddamn bust... i decided that i wasn't going to even try to work it out. i told isaac that we should just let johnny do his thing, and leave me out of it. you know i have an awful lot of good ideas, but i just can't *do* anything...at all... god i just want to go to sleep for twenty years and wake up and maybe the world will have gotten just a little bit better. i just feel so useless lately...i don't *do* anything... other than write the occassional american lit paper... or contribute ideas to my STUPID family class group that are then ignored and ridiculed by incredibly dimwitted people. and i feel disorganized but i'm not really. i don't know what to do to pull myself up... i don't feel happy about anything. and i think that i lost my fiona apple "tidal" cd and i really really want it... i would give just about anything right now to hear "never is a promise." but it's somewhere unknown. i don't know what's wrong with me.. i want to go cry for a long long time...