(no subject)
Some things boil to the surface, finally demanding one's attention. Obviously I am who I am, I'm not perfect - nor is anyone else, so we all live our lives, coping with (and sometimes unaware of) our faults. I have come to realize some of my own. As lame and cliche as this might sound, my inner-strength is running a little short these days. As personal projections that I have dealt with for so long start to wear on my self-worth, I find myself lacking strength. Not the kind of stregth you gain by pressing a set, but the kind that you obtain while dealing with certain situations head on. I have always considered myself a deviant to the norm, and fought enough personal battles to the point where I just got tired. I'm tired of things not working out like I had expected, especially instances when I put my heart and soul on the line. I feel like I need a break, but then again, where will that get me? Nowhere. Doing that will only set me back even further, thus pushing me even deeper down the spiral of shit I'm already facing. I know what needs to be done, it's only a matter of doing it. I dont know if this is a common problem or just a sudden realization of my own shortcomings. When I already realize that I need to do something, but someone else tells me that I need to do it, I feel like I'm doing it because I've been told to, and if you know me, you know that's a problem. It's an authority issue, really. I can't stand being told what to do, even if it is in my best interest. I know where it comes from, and there's nothing I can do to change it. Then the seemingly neverending frustration sets in. That's what kills me.