Waylaid in Westchester
So, question: What are 78/51, 77/52, 69/55, 54/22, 57/28, 57/35, 67/41, 66/44, 68/46, 66/52, 75/51, 74/44, and 75/53?
They are the predicted high and low temperatures for all of the destinations on our trip. Which we are embarking on very, very soon. And not a moment too soon. This past week has been crazy-and “crazy” as in “psychotic,” not as in “busy.”
The wild swings in temperature between night and day, and between place and place, is making packing a little interesting. But it’s a problem I don’t mind solving, because it means I’m getting the heck out of dodge.
To say that I’m excited is an understatement.
What will I be leaving in the rearview? A bunch of movies I saw in February.
Kaboom!: B+
I liked this movie even more until Jesse pointed out to me that most of the plot is advanced through expositional dialogue (mostly delivered through the phone). I was having so much fun, I didn’t realize how much was flat-out explained. Going in, I wanted this movie to be like Skins plus Terminator-and it kind of was! Sexy, sci-fi, silly, and a little confusing. Between this and Cold Weather, the “mysteryless mystery” genre is becoming my favorite of 2011.
The Roommate: C-
It’s hard to make a movie with such an easy premise so deadly boring. Casting Minka Kelly as the protagonist is a good start. Things we know right away about her character: She talks in a baby voice. Her favorite movie is The Devil Wears Prada. She’s attracted to the worst possible frat guys. Things about the titular roommate: She likes going to museums. She particularly likes Richard Prince. She doesn’t really like lame parties, belly rings, or The Devil Wears Prada. Who are we supposed to root for again? Still, it’s not like The Roommate does something interesting by subverting your loyalty or anything. It doesn’t do anything interesting at all. Not campy, not thrilling, not crazy, it does its best to make sure it’s completely devoid of fun.
The Rite: C+
Ah yes, another chance to see Anthony Hopkins deliver some of the best lines in a movie. (This time, he’s talking about cats.) Oh, is there some kind of devil-possession plot, too? Ho-hum. I don’t know why all devil-possession movies have the same basic conflict: the person charged with doing the exorcism has to figure out his core beliefs and decide if he truly believes in the devil. Within this framework, The Last Exorcism had a much more interesting doubter in the central role. I’d like to see a devil-possession movie that isn’t all “Are they mentally ill or really possessed?”-if I have to see another devil-possession movie at all.
Just Go with It: D
This should be retitled Just Go to Hawaii-We’ll Think of a Movie While We’re Down There. Adam Sandler is settling into a not-very-funny routine where he plays a regular Joe (but rich, and therefore attractive to hot women) who travels with some of his buddies and gets caught in mildly zany situations. In this case, either possible outcome to the movie was equally unattractive to me: He either tricks a young, unsuspecting model into marrying him, or he ends up with a woman that he doesn’t find appealing at all until he sees her in a swimsuit. He doesn’t really deserve either of them, or my attention as he puzzles it out, as it was just more annoying than funny.
The Eagle: B-
This movie isn’t very good at all. But it’s horribly enjoyable in the way that I wanted The Roommate to be. I admit: A lot of the enjoyment centered around watching Jamie Bell. (In my defense, though, he makes some awesome glowering faces in the movie, it’s not just that I find him adorable.) It’s a dopily macho plot that’s all about honor and pride, but, when it was over, Jesse and I probably talked for an hour about all of the movie’s misguided notions. We really spoiled it for the person who was sitting next to us in Whole Foods and listening intently. I’m not really sorry.
Unknown: B-
I admit, the Liam Neeson Gets His Man in Europe sub-genre isn’t my favorite. But this movie has it over its predecessor, Taken, because it’s not so pig-headed. In Taken, he is a blunt instrument murdering fools to get his daughter back-it’s very primal. Unknown is ever the slightest bit more cerebral, since he doesn’t even really know why he’s going around murdering fools. Even then, it’s the side characters-Bruno Ganz and Frank Langella in an only-hinted-at Cold War subplot-that worked the most for me. Next time, keep them and leave Neeson in America.
Cedar Rapids: B
Sure, it wrings out a lot of laughs. John C. Reilly is committed to being the most unlikable-but so, so easy to laugh at-version of himself, and Isiah Whitlock Jr. is a lovable square. But, even though it’s sweet at times, the movie feels mostly hollow. It’s clear that they’re playing types, and playing them for laughs-all of the characters are cartoonish and two-dimensional. It’s still funny, but it’s not wholly satisfying.
The Other Woman: D
Ugh, ugh, ugh. Natalie Portman’s character in this movie spends half the time being utterly unlikable, and the other half of the time wondering why no one likes her. To escape from her in the movie, we have a charismaless husband and a precocious movie kid. The only good thing about this movie is that we saw it in Williamsburg. Hooray for a Northside movie theater!
Hall Pass: B
I like the Farrelly brothers because, even though all of the commercials for their movies are about boobs and drugs, they all have a sweet inner core. They’re always about two people who generally enjoy each other and want to help each other through life. You can almost pretend like the guys in Hall Pass are the guys from Dumb and Dumber if they straightened themselves out and got married. I like watching these best-friend relationships. The shame, though, is that Hall Pass isn’t as hilarious as Dumb and Dumber, and it isn’t as life-affirming as Stuck on You (which I love). But it’s worth watching just to see Jason Sudeikis play a character that’s even more off-the-rails than his normal SNL characters.
Drive Angry 3-D: B+
I share Jesse’s puzzlement with this movie’s lack of general support. There is some kind of graph where the crazier a movie gets, the more I like it-but the more ambivalent the general population gets. You’re ruining it for me, everyone! Why don’t you like movies that combine sex scenes with shootouts?
So, those were clearly end-of-winter movies. A mixed bag. March is exciting-March usually has at least one of my favorite movies of the year. (Last year, March gave me Alice in Wonderland.) This year, I have ultra-high expectations for both Take Me Home Tonight and Sucker Punch.
But looking beyond the spring, I’m generally less excited. I was looking at summer movies, and they all seem to be of one type: Thor, Captain America, Pirates of the Caribbean, The Green Lantern, Cowboys vs. Aliens, Super 8, X-Men: First Class. All big special-effects action and/or adventure movies, many about saving the world.
When I was complaining about it on Twitter, Jesse pointed out that there are also a lot of comedies: Bridesmaids, Bad Teacher, The Sitter, Friends with Benefits, 30 Minutes or Less.
And I’m not complaining about those kinds of action event-movies or broad comedies. Lord knows I love them, and I’m excited to see some of the ones I listed up there. There’s just nothing else, really, to balance it out. The Pixar movie is the sequel to my least-favorite Pixar movie. (And the other animated movie is a sequel to yes, one of the best Dreamworks movies, but take that with a grain of salt.) When I look at the release schedule, I don’t see any documentaries with wide me-appeal like Babies or Catfish, or thoughtful low-budget sci-fi film like District 9 or Monsters. Where’s this year’s Inception or Scott Pilgrim? I don’t even see a this-year Winter’s Bone or The Kids Are All Right. Am I going to be in for a totally long summer?
They are the predicted high and low temperatures for all of the destinations on our trip. Which we are embarking on very, very soon. And not a moment too soon. This past week has been crazy-and “crazy” as in “psychotic,” not as in “busy.”
The wild swings in temperature between night and day, and between place and place, is making packing a little interesting. But it’s a problem I don’t mind solving, because it means I’m getting the heck out of dodge.
To say that I’m excited is an understatement.
What will I be leaving in the rearview? A bunch of movies I saw in February.
Kaboom!: B+
I liked this movie even more until Jesse pointed out to me that most of the plot is advanced through expositional dialogue (mostly delivered through the phone). I was having so much fun, I didn’t realize how much was flat-out explained. Going in, I wanted this movie to be like Skins plus Terminator-and it kind of was! Sexy, sci-fi, silly, and a little confusing. Between this and Cold Weather, the “mysteryless mystery” genre is becoming my favorite of 2011.
The Roommate: C-
It’s hard to make a movie with such an easy premise so deadly boring. Casting Minka Kelly as the protagonist is a good start. Things we know right away about her character: She talks in a baby voice. Her favorite movie is The Devil Wears Prada. She’s attracted to the worst possible frat guys. Things about the titular roommate: She likes going to museums. She particularly likes Richard Prince. She doesn’t really like lame parties, belly rings, or The Devil Wears Prada. Who are we supposed to root for again? Still, it’s not like The Roommate does something interesting by subverting your loyalty or anything. It doesn’t do anything interesting at all. Not campy, not thrilling, not crazy, it does its best to make sure it’s completely devoid of fun.
The Rite: C+
Ah yes, another chance to see Anthony Hopkins deliver some of the best lines in a movie. (This time, he’s talking about cats.) Oh, is there some kind of devil-possession plot, too? Ho-hum. I don’t know why all devil-possession movies have the same basic conflict: the person charged with doing the exorcism has to figure out his core beliefs and decide if he truly believes in the devil. Within this framework, The Last Exorcism had a much more interesting doubter in the central role. I’d like to see a devil-possession movie that isn’t all “Are they mentally ill or really possessed?”-if I have to see another devil-possession movie at all.
Just Go with It: D
This should be retitled Just Go to Hawaii-We’ll Think of a Movie While We’re Down There. Adam Sandler is settling into a not-very-funny routine where he plays a regular Joe (but rich, and therefore attractive to hot women) who travels with some of his buddies and gets caught in mildly zany situations. In this case, either possible outcome to the movie was equally unattractive to me: He either tricks a young, unsuspecting model into marrying him, or he ends up with a woman that he doesn’t find appealing at all until he sees her in a swimsuit. He doesn’t really deserve either of them, or my attention as he puzzles it out, as it was just more annoying than funny.
The Eagle: B-
This movie isn’t very good at all. But it’s horribly enjoyable in the way that I wanted The Roommate to be. I admit: A lot of the enjoyment centered around watching Jamie Bell. (In my defense, though, he makes some awesome glowering faces in the movie, it’s not just that I find him adorable.) It’s a dopily macho plot that’s all about honor and pride, but, when it was over, Jesse and I probably talked for an hour about all of the movie’s misguided notions. We really spoiled it for the person who was sitting next to us in Whole Foods and listening intently. I’m not really sorry.
Unknown: B-
I admit, the Liam Neeson Gets His Man in Europe sub-genre isn’t my favorite. But this movie has it over its predecessor, Taken, because it’s not so pig-headed. In Taken, he is a blunt instrument murdering fools to get his daughter back-it’s very primal. Unknown is ever the slightest bit more cerebral, since he doesn’t even really know why he’s going around murdering fools. Even then, it’s the side characters-Bruno Ganz and Frank Langella in an only-hinted-at Cold War subplot-that worked the most for me. Next time, keep them and leave Neeson in America.
Cedar Rapids: B
Sure, it wrings out a lot of laughs. John C. Reilly is committed to being the most unlikable-but so, so easy to laugh at-version of himself, and Isiah Whitlock Jr. is a lovable square. But, even though it’s sweet at times, the movie feels mostly hollow. It’s clear that they’re playing types, and playing them for laughs-all of the characters are cartoonish and two-dimensional. It’s still funny, but it’s not wholly satisfying.
The Other Woman: D
Ugh, ugh, ugh. Natalie Portman’s character in this movie spends half the time being utterly unlikable, and the other half of the time wondering why no one likes her. To escape from her in the movie, we have a charismaless husband and a precocious movie kid. The only good thing about this movie is that we saw it in Williamsburg. Hooray for a Northside movie theater!
Hall Pass: B
I like the Farrelly brothers because, even though all of the commercials for their movies are about boobs and drugs, they all have a sweet inner core. They’re always about two people who generally enjoy each other and want to help each other through life. You can almost pretend like the guys in Hall Pass are the guys from Dumb and Dumber if they straightened themselves out and got married. I like watching these best-friend relationships. The shame, though, is that Hall Pass isn’t as hilarious as Dumb and Dumber, and it isn’t as life-affirming as Stuck on You (which I love). But it’s worth watching just to see Jason Sudeikis play a character that’s even more off-the-rails than his normal SNL characters.
Drive Angry 3-D: B+
I share Jesse’s puzzlement with this movie’s lack of general support. There is some kind of graph where the crazier a movie gets, the more I like it-but the more ambivalent the general population gets. You’re ruining it for me, everyone! Why don’t you like movies that combine sex scenes with shootouts?
So, those were clearly end-of-winter movies. A mixed bag. March is exciting-March usually has at least one of my favorite movies of the year. (Last year, March gave me Alice in Wonderland.) This year, I have ultra-high expectations for both Take Me Home Tonight and Sucker Punch.
But looking beyond the spring, I’m generally less excited. I was looking at summer movies, and they all seem to be of one type: Thor, Captain America, Pirates of the Caribbean, The Green Lantern, Cowboys vs. Aliens, Super 8, X-Men: First Class. All big special-effects action and/or adventure movies, many about saving the world.
When I was complaining about it on Twitter, Jesse pointed out that there are also a lot of comedies: Bridesmaids, Bad Teacher, The Sitter, Friends with Benefits, 30 Minutes or Less.
And I’m not complaining about those kinds of action event-movies or broad comedies. Lord knows I love them, and I’m excited to see some of the ones I listed up there. There’s just nothing else, really, to balance it out. The Pixar movie is the sequel to my least-favorite Pixar movie. (And the other animated movie is a sequel to yes, one of the best Dreamworks movies, but take that with a grain of salt.) When I look at the release schedule, I don’t see any documentaries with wide me-appeal like Babies or Catfish, or thoughtful low-budget sci-fi film like District 9 or Monsters. Where’s this year’s Inception or Scott Pilgrim? I don’t even see a this-year Winter’s Bone or The Kids Are All Right. Am I going to be in for a totally long summer?