LiveJournal, meet First-Grade Journal
So, my mom put my childhood home on the market. I knew this day would come eventually, and I knew that, with it, my secret shame would be unearthed: I am kind of a hoarder. Whenever I felt my bedroom got outdated, instead of throwing out a bunch of stuff, I secretly shoved everything into Rubbermaid tubs and hid them in the attic. In high school and college, I had manila envelopes of "keepsakes"--one for every year. This included editorials to the Wesleyan Argus, notes passed in class (from fifth grade through college), every Playbill for every play I ever saw, ticket stubs, old MetroCards. It was bad. My mom and sister pulled 15 tubs out of the attic, and 14 of them were full of my stuff. (That's not counting our shared toys: all the Rainbow Brites, all the the Garbage Pail Kids cards, all the Strawberry Shortcakes--including the Purple Pie Man and Sour Grapes. Most of them went into a "garage-sale" pile, but the Smurfs live with me now.)
I pared it all down to one box of essentials. (The Wesleyan handprints made it into the saved box, even though I can't remember who half of the prints belong to.) One of the best things I found, though, was my first-grade journal. I guess we had an assignment to write in it every day. The spelling is atrocious. After trying to make my way through the early entries, I couldn't believe that I was in the "smart" reading group. (Also, my elementary school was of the opinion that if you corrected spelling or grammar too harshly, it stifled creativity. It worked--I'm creative now!) But, once I got over the embarassment--I thought that I started writing at genius-level from the very beginning--I got a very vivid picture of what was important to me at the time. I've reproduced some excerpts of entries. I tried to preserve the spelling and grammar "nuances," but it's hard when you don't have triple-lined paper.
Meet first-grade Marisa
9-22-87
at Ressa Boys wer ran Eafter Grils Today.
This is supposed to say, "At recess today, the boys ran after the girls." I can't believe I grew up to become a writer. Also, I can't believe that my teacher understood what I meant. She wrote "I hope they will stop that." I don't know how she knew what I meant.
Undated
My tooth is loos.
This will become a major theme throughout the journal.
11-23-87
I like scool. shcool is nice. Art is fun. Music is good. Gym is the best. shcool is bettr.
I love the variant spellings on the word "school." I knew there was an "h" in there--somewhere. I just didn't get it right. Also, I hate gym and always have. This is where I developed the theory that I wrote about things I was anxious about in the journal, but didn't know how to fully process how much I didn't enjoy something, so I just said I liked it.
Undated
One night i whcht back to the fuchere. I liked it. It was good! I was on over the summer. I like the part wen he goes to the paist.
My first film review!
12-9-87
I am good in math. Math is fun.
Again: Not true. This is also about the fifth time that I mentioned that I like math. I must've really hated it.
12-18-87
I have Loose a tooth. Naw tow loose tooth. thay are two in the frant. I haup it fall out soon. I wiggle them a lot. I wiggle them with my tongue. I wonder if it will fall out on Crismas.
Oh my. Look at how horrible that spelling is. And yet, I get the word "tongue" right. I was very, very into the idea of loose teeth. There are two more entries shortly after this about which of my teeth were loose. Also, once my sister had a tooth fall out on Christmas Eve, and she got earrings under her pillow instead of money. I think I was angling for that.
3-3-88
Today I will go to the Ardlsy chillne center. I will have fun. I will play games. The chilln center is lots of fun.
The Children's Center was my elementary school's latch-key program, and I had to go twice a week when my mom worked at the video store. I hated it there. I used to pretend that I "forgot" which days I was supposed to go, and I would try and take the bus home to avoid it. The program director would have to pull me off the bus. So, basically, I am bald-face lying to my own journal.
3-10-88
Today we have a substoot techer. her name is Ms. Weeler. She had to yell at some pepole. I don't think that's good. I like her.
I'm either a fan of authority, or I'm doing that thing where I say I like something when I really feel terrified by it. Also, every time we had a substitute teacher, I had to mention in in the journal, say what her name was, and say that she was pretty.
3-11-88
Today we had a spelling teast. I studyed for it. did you? I like spelling teasts. I think I did good. Mabey I got one wrong. I don't ushly get any wrong.
The irony is totally lost on me!
3-18-88
Today miss Harovt came back. I missed her so much. I'm so glad. She was out for a long time. If miss Harovt was out one more day I wolud die. On the first day she came back she gave us pins. The pin has my pickure on it. I think I look ugley.
Me: "I wonder what was wrong with her." My mom: "She had a brain tumor."
4-12-88
Today i'm geting my new furncher. I feel happy. It's fun to get new furncher. I'm getting two desks. I made a map of what it's going to look like. I wont sleep in my room tonight beacose I need to get a new matris. I don't know where i'm going to sleep. I think i'll sleep in my sister's room.
4-19-88
In tow weeks I'm geting a matris. Right now I sleep on the flor. I don't care if I sleep on the floor. It's fun to sleep on the floor.
I like how, in my plan for events, I'd sleep in my sister's bed while waiting for a mattress. My plan didn't say where my sister would sleep, but it seemed obvious to me that she's surrender her bed to me. The harsh reality is I had to sleep on the floor. I think that's hilarious.
4-20-88
Today we have a sudstutoot reacher. She is nice. She is pritty. My reall teacher is at an all day meeting so she can't come to class. her name is Mrs. Dovin. We are doing things dirffrint. she told us that math reaps it's self. I love math!
All this needs is a couple of loose teeth, and it'd be a quintessential journal entry.
5-17-88
Tomrrow is school spirt day. It will be fun. We have to ware Blue and Gold. We will sing the school song. I can't wate until tamrrow. If it rains I will be sad beacouse I don't know the rain date.
5-18-88
Today we could not have an school spirt day beaccose it was raining. We have to wate untill Friday. I hate When its rains. I hope that it doesn't rain on Friday. It is getting close to Friday. I hope Friday will come soon.
And then the journal ends! What a bummer note to end on.
I pared it all down to one box of essentials. (The Wesleyan handprints made it into the saved box, even though I can't remember who half of the prints belong to.) One of the best things I found, though, was my first-grade journal. I guess we had an assignment to write in it every day. The spelling is atrocious. After trying to make my way through the early entries, I couldn't believe that I was in the "smart" reading group. (Also, my elementary school was of the opinion that if you corrected spelling or grammar too harshly, it stifled creativity. It worked--I'm creative now!) But, once I got over the embarassment--I thought that I started writing at genius-level from the very beginning--I got a very vivid picture of what was important to me at the time. I've reproduced some excerpts of entries. I tried to preserve the spelling and grammar "nuances," but it's hard when you don't have triple-lined paper.
Meet first-grade Marisa
9-22-87
at Ressa Boys wer ran Eafter Grils Today.
This is supposed to say, "At recess today, the boys ran after the girls." I can't believe I grew up to become a writer. Also, I can't believe that my teacher understood what I meant. She wrote "I hope they will stop that." I don't know how she knew what I meant.
Undated
My tooth is loos.
This will become a major theme throughout the journal.
11-23-87
I like scool. shcool is nice. Art is fun. Music is good. Gym is the best. shcool is bettr.
I love the variant spellings on the word "school." I knew there was an "h" in there--somewhere. I just didn't get it right. Also, I hate gym and always have. This is where I developed the theory that I wrote about things I was anxious about in the journal, but didn't know how to fully process how much I didn't enjoy something, so I just said I liked it.
Undated
One night i whcht back to the fuchere. I liked it. It was good! I was on over the summer. I like the part wen he goes to the paist.
My first film review!
12-9-87
I am good in math. Math is fun.
Again: Not true. This is also about the fifth time that I mentioned that I like math. I must've really hated it.
12-18-87
I have Loose a tooth. Naw tow loose tooth. thay are two in the frant. I haup it fall out soon. I wiggle them a lot. I wiggle them with my tongue. I wonder if it will fall out on Crismas.
Oh my. Look at how horrible that spelling is. And yet, I get the word "tongue" right. I was very, very into the idea of loose teeth. There are two more entries shortly after this about which of my teeth were loose. Also, once my sister had a tooth fall out on Christmas Eve, and she got earrings under her pillow instead of money. I think I was angling for that.
3-3-88
Today I will go to the Ardlsy chillne center. I will have fun. I will play games. The chilln center is lots of fun.
The Children's Center was my elementary school's latch-key program, and I had to go twice a week when my mom worked at the video store. I hated it there. I used to pretend that I "forgot" which days I was supposed to go, and I would try and take the bus home to avoid it. The program director would have to pull me off the bus. So, basically, I am bald-face lying to my own journal.
3-10-88
Today we have a substoot techer. her name is Ms. Weeler. She had to yell at some pepole. I don't think that's good. I like her.
I'm either a fan of authority, or I'm doing that thing where I say I like something when I really feel terrified by it. Also, every time we had a substitute teacher, I had to mention in in the journal, say what her name was, and say that she was pretty.
3-11-88
Today we had a spelling teast. I studyed for it. did you? I like spelling teasts. I think I did good. Mabey I got one wrong. I don't ushly get any wrong.
The irony is totally lost on me!
3-18-88
Today miss Harovt came back. I missed her so much. I'm so glad. She was out for a long time. If miss Harovt was out one more day I wolud die. On the first day she came back she gave us pins. The pin has my pickure on it. I think I look ugley.
Me: "I wonder what was wrong with her." My mom: "She had a brain tumor."
4-12-88
Today i'm geting my new furncher. I feel happy. It's fun to get new furncher. I'm getting two desks. I made a map of what it's going to look like. I wont sleep in my room tonight beacose I need to get a new matris. I don't know where i'm going to sleep. I think i'll sleep in my sister's room.
4-19-88
In tow weeks I'm geting a matris. Right now I sleep on the flor. I don't care if I sleep on the floor. It's fun to sleep on the floor.
I like how, in my plan for events, I'd sleep in my sister's bed while waiting for a mattress. My plan didn't say where my sister would sleep, but it seemed obvious to me that she's surrender her bed to me. The harsh reality is I had to sleep on the floor. I think that's hilarious.
4-20-88
Today we have a sudstutoot reacher. She is nice. She is pritty. My reall teacher is at an all day meeting so she can't come to class. her name is Mrs. Dovin. We are doing things dirffrint. she told us that math reaps it's self. I love math!
All this needs is a couple of loose teeth, and it'd be a quintessential journal entry.
5-17-88
Tomrrow is school spirt day. It will be fun. We have to ware Blue and Gold. We will sing the school song. I can't wate until tamrrow. If it rains I will be sad beacouse I don't know the rain date.
5-18-88
Today we could not have an school spirt day beaccose it was raining. We have to wate untill Friday. I hate When its rains. I hope that it doesn't rain on Friday. It is getting close to Friday. I hope Friday will come soon.
And then the journal ends! What a bummer note to end on.