The real ultimate juijitsu was the friendships we made along the way
Something I’ve been realizing lately seems pretty obvious: Men need emotional support.
Which, like duh. But hear me out.
Since my friends have married/had life partners (And this isn’t directed at any specific friend. This is NOT a call-out post, you’re all darlings) I’ve noticed their husbands seem to have a hard time reaching out. That is, they have friends of course, but I think friendship between men is different than friendship between women. And my healthiest, longest lasting, and joyous friendships with my friends has always been emotionally supportive and warm. I have a handful of male friends that it’s been the same way, but not nearly as often.
And my friends’ husbands, they don’t seem to get that same warmth from the majority of their male friends. I see it when my girlfriends tell me their worries about their husbands, mostly. Or if I’m visiting and their husbands seem amused and baffled by our open displays of affection. They don’t seem to cope with depression the same way or as well (Again this is no one person).
I’m finding myself making the effort to reach out to them the same way I do for their wives (My dearest of treasures) because, if my friends love these penis-havers then I guess I should too.
I don’t know if this makes me seem arrogant. I don’t know the intricacies of their relationships. Maybe I feel what’s dear to my friends should be dear to me too, which I’m under no obligation, of course. This isn’t some hobby though; these are the people my closest friends have chosen to spend the rest of their lives with. Sometimes those people don’t seem to know how to say “I need validation that my friends love me”. Where, I think that’s easier for women to say and do.
I guess I’m saying I’m trying to be a better person. It’s taken me a while to realize that my friends’ husbands don’t exist in a separate reality. It’s hard to reach out to somebody you don’t know well, but I’ve realized it doesn’t have to be that way. I love the same women they love and our relationships do and don’t existed independently from each other. I will never love my friends’ husbands the way I love my friends, but by virtue of loving my friends I want them to be happy.
I guess I’m also saying I’m trying to not think of these men as “my friends’ husbands” but just more friends. There are varying levels of intimacy though, and I want them to know that I’m there for them just like I’m there for their wives. It’s hard to say that to a man you don’t know extremely well (These aren’t just ANY men). But, I hope they understand through my actions. My heart is open to them, I want to support them and offer validation that they are loved because that’s what friends do.
Which, like duh. But hear me out.
Since my friends have married/had life partners (And this isn’t directed at any specific friend. This is NOT a call-out post, you’re all darlings) I’ve noticed their husbands seem to have a hard time reaching out. That is, they have friends of course, but I think friendship between men is different than friendship between women. And my healthiest, longest lasting, and joyous friendships with my friends has always been emotionally supportive and warm. I have a handful of male friends that it’s been the same way, but not nearly as often.
And my friends’ husbands, they don’t seem to get that same warmth from the majority of their male friends. I see it when my girlfriends tell me their worries about their husbands, mostly. Or if I’m visiting and their husbands seem amused and baffled by our open displays of affection. They don’t seem to cope with depression the same way or as well (Again this is no one person).
I’m finding myself making the effort to reach out to them the same way I do for their wives (My dearest of treasures) because, if my friends love these penis-havers then I guess I should too.
I don’t know if this makes me seem arrogant. I don’t know the intricacies of their relationships. Maybe I feel what’s dear to my friends should be dear to me too, which I’m under no obligation, of course. This isn’t some hobby though; these are the people my closest friends have chosen to spend the rest of their lives with. Sometimes those people don’t seem to know how to say “I need validation that my friends love me”. Where, I think that’s easier for women to say and do.
I guess I’m saying I’m trying to be a better person. It’s taken me a while to realize that my friends’ husbands don’t exist in a separate reality. It’s hard to reach out to somebody you don’t know well, but I’ve realized it doesn’t have to be that way. I love the same women they love and our relationships do and don’t existed independently from each other. I will never love my friends’ husbands the way I love my friends, but by virtue of loving my friends I want them to be happy.
I guess I’m also saying I’m trying to not think of these men as “my friends’ husbands” but just more friends. There are varying levels of intimacy though, and I want them to know that I’m there for them just like I’m there for their wives. It’s hard to say that to a man you don’t know extremely well (These aren’t just ANY men). But, I hope they understand through my actions. My heart is open to them, I want to support them and offer validation that they are loved because that’s what friends do.