she's got no one to hate, except for me.
i'm starting to notice the more i hate on everyone else, the more i hate myself. i spend a good percent of my day bad-mouthing several people, and several things, all the while being completely jealous of it. the worst is family gatherings, everyone so smiley and enjoying life, while i'm slowly dying in the corner. not only that, but i've been going through a LOT of emotions with james these past few days; ecstatic, since he's not going to BC anymore; crushed, when he didn't accept my christmas present; and all these other emotions in between. especially when we talk for hours on end, till early in the morning, on the phone. i've never felt the need to talk to someone that long, but with him, it's like....we could just keep talking, forever and ever, and not dislike a single second of it. the only problem was, the night before he left for his dad's house, we talked about Adele, his ex-girlfriend. it sucked, it really did. probably because of jealousy, but more of, she hurt him, badly, and he won't ever forget it. and that hurts me. but back to my point, i was emotionally unstable for a few days, and as soon as i walk in the door of my aunt's house to spend time with my pathetic excuse for a family, the first thing anybody says to me is "So you didn't bring a friend?" and i know they mean a boy, because they pressure my mother every year... "we always have room for one more if michelle has someone to bring!" at fifteen, shouldn't they be pressuring me to do well in school and stay off of drugs? jesus christ. it just wasn't a good night. then on the way home, my mom decided to have a talk with me, about how i shouldn't hate myself, because if i do, nobody else will love me, and i'll just get abused by my future husband. good ol' family conversations. lame. fuck waterloo being so far away, fuck being single, fuck being in love with some guy who could careless about you, since you're only fifteen, and fuck all my friends who won't do anything with me. hey, fuck you!
i purchased candy cane papers. im eager to have a striped joint. so festive.
if you're claiming S.P.D., then you're on my team