Brothers and Sisters fic "Devotion"
“You’re running yourself into the ground.” The humor had left his tone, and he sounded serious. “You’re exhausted. Did you even sleep last night?” Scotty shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
“A couple hours on the couch in your office.”
“And how many the night before that? You came to bed when I was already asleep and got up before me.”
“I know. And I feel bad for the kids, I mean what kind of father am I?” He wrung his hands nervously.
“You’re busy, we get that, Scotty. And you make time for Olivia and Daniel.”
“But I don’t make enough time for you.” He took the other man’s hand. “I’m really sorry, Kevin.” Kevin squeezed Scotty’s hand.
“I know you are. But that’s not what this conversation is about.”
“What is it about, then?” He asked, exasperated.
“You. I meant what I said; you’re running yourself ragged. I’m worried about you.” Scotty smiled and squeezed his hand back.
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about me! Everything is fine, I’m…”
“Is the next word out of your mouth going to be ‘fine?’” Kevin asked a little sharply. “Because if it is, I don’t want to hear it.”
“What’s the problem, Kevin?” He asked strongly, not sure why his husband was so upset. Sure, he was busy, and tired. He had work to do. Work had to come before play, and sometimes it had to come before sleep as well.
“The problem is that you’re always fine.”
“I don’t see a problem with that.”
“I do. People feel things. That’s normal. You get to have emotions.”
“I have emotions.”
“But you never let them get to you! And I get worried, because I know how this is going to go. You refuse to let the stress from your job get to you, you just ignore it, and one day it’s going to be too much, and…” Scotty sensed where things were going, and his heart softened a little.
“Kevin, if you’re worried that I’m going to…you know I would never do tha…”
“Cheating?” Kevin asked incredulously. “You think I’m talking about cheating? We’re so over that. That is not what this is about.”
“Then could you tell me what it is about? Because I still have no idea.” Kevin sighed.
“I just want you to take care of yourself. Sometimes it feels like you’re the one who’s always looking after me, like that’s the only way our relationship goes. I know you feel like you need to be the strong one, hell, 99% of the time you are the strong one. And I love that about you. I love your strength, I love that you make me feel stronger just by being with you, but I worry that all that being strong is going to come back and bite you.” He ran his hand lovingly down the side of his husband’s face. “I know you’re overworked and stressed and tired and slightly overwhelmed by the combination of a career and two young children. I know that. I just don’t want you to be afraid to say it. I don’t want you to feel like you have to be strong for me all the time.” Scotty felt his heart swell with emotion, and to his infinite surprise he felt a few tears gather in his eyes.
“You made me go all weepy.”
“See! You must be pretty worn out if you’re about to cry.” He was smiling now. They stared at each other for a long moment.
“God.” Scotty sighed. “I am so in love with you.” Kevin grinned like a crazy person as he leaned over to kiss him. When the kiss was over, Scotty sighed again. “You’re right, you know. I do feel like I have to be the strong one, I like being the strong one. I love it. I love knowing that I’m somebody’s rock. There was a time in my life when I was so flighty; I was adrift in my own life. Now, knowing that I’m an anchor for someone else makes me feel in control.”
“And that’s a good thing, but I don’t want you to feel like you can’t lean on me.”
“I sometimes worry that if I do lean on you, if I really let my guard down, you’ll see what a mess I am.” He looked down at his hands. Kevin laughed gently, then held up his hand.
“Do you see this ring? This ring means that you get to be a mess whenever you damn well please.” They smiled at each other. “And besides, I’m a Walker. I can handle a little mess.” They laughed. “So don’t be afraid to lean. Don’t be afraid to tell me that you’re exhausted and stressed out. I’m a big boy; I can handle whatever you throw at me.”
“Ok. I’m exhausted, and stressed out, and I have a headache…”
“Well, I could have told you that. You haven’t slept properly in days, of course you have a headache! I know you, Scotty Wandell, better than you know yourself.” He paused. “Now why don’t you get ready for bed and I’ll bring you a cup of tea?”
“That’s it. It’s official. You’re the perfect husband.”
“Well I guess we’re a good match then.”
“A couple hours on the couch in your office.”
“And how many the night before that? You came to bed when I was already asleep and got up before me.”
“I know. And I feel bad for the kids, I mean what kind of father am I?” He wrung his hands nervously.
“You’re busy, we get that, Scotty. And you make time for Olivia and Daniel.”
“But I don’t make enough time for you.” He took the other man’s hand. “I’m really sorry, Kevin.” Kevin squeezed Scotty’s hand.
“I know you are. But that’s not what this conversation is about.”
“What is it about, then?” He asked, exasperated.
“You. I meant what I said; you’re running yourself ragged. I’m worried about you.” Scotty smiled and squeezed his hand back.
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about me! Everything is fine, I’m…”
“Is the next word out of your mouth going to be ‘fine?’” Kevin asked a little sharply. “Because if it is, I don’t want to hear it.”
“What’s the problem, Kevin?” He asked strongly, not sure why his husband was so upset. Sure, he was busy, and tired. He had work to do. Work had to come before play, and sometimes it had to come before sleep as well.
“The problem is that you’re always fine.”
“I don’t see a problem with that.”
“I do. People feel things. That’s normal. You get to have emotions.”
“I have emotions.”
“But you never let them get to you! And I get worried, because I know how this is going to go. You refuse to let the stress from your job get to you, you just ignore it, and one day it’s going to be too much, and…” Scotty sensed where things were going, and his heart softened a little.
“Kevin, if you’re worried that I’m going to…you know I would never do tha…”
“Cheating?” Kevin asked incredulously. “You think I’m talking about cheating? We’re so over that. That is not what this is about.”
“Then could you tell me what it is about? Because I still have no idea.” Kevin sighed.
“I just want you to take care of yourself. Sometimes it feels like you’re the one who’s always looking after me, like that’s the only way our relationship goes. I know you feel like you need to be the strong one, hell, 99% of the time you are the strong one. And I love that about you. I love your strength, I love that you make me feel stronger just by being with you, but I worry that all that being strong is going to come back and bite you.” He ran his hand lovingly down the side of his husband’s face. “I know you’re overworked and stressed and tired and slightly overwhelmed by the combination of a career and two young children. I know that. I just don’t want you to be afraid to say it. I don’t want you to feel like you have to be strong for me all the time.” Scotty felt his heart swell with emotion, and to his infinite surprise he felt a few tears gather in his eyes.
“You made me go all weepy.”
“See! You must be pretty worn out if you’re about to cry.” He was smiling now. They stared at each other for a long moment.
“God.” Scotty sighed. “I am so in love with you.” Kevin grinned like a crazy person as he leaned over to kiss him. When the kiss was over, Scotty sighed again. “You’re right, you know. I do feel like I have to be the strong one, I like being the strong one. I love it. I love knowing that I’m somebody’s rock. There was a time in my life when I was so flighty; I was adrift in my own life. Now, knowing that I’m an anchor for someone else makes me feel in control.”
“And that’s a good thing, but I don’t want you to feel like you can’t lean on me.”
“I sometimes worry that if I do lean on you, if I really let my guard down, you’ll see what a mess I am.” He looked down at his hands. Kevin laughed gently, then held up his hand.
“Do you see this ring? This ring means that you get to be a mess whenever you damn well please.” They smiled at each other. “And besides, I’m a Walker. I can handle a little mess.” They laughed. “So don’t be afraid to lean. Don’t be afraid to tell me that you’re exhausted and stressed out. I’m a big boy; I can handle whatever you throw at me.”
“Ok. I’m exhausted, and stressed out, and I have a headache…”
“Well, I could have told you that. You haven’t slept properly in days, of course you have a headache! I know you, Scotty Wandell, better than you know yourself.” He paused. “Now why don’t you get ready for bed and I’ll bring you a cup of tea?”
“That’s it. It’s official. You’re the perfect husband.”
“Well I guess we’re a good match then.”