Brothers and Sisters fic, "The Way It Is."
Title: The Way it Is
Author: Sleepykraken
Characters:Kevin, Scotty
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sometimes Kevin imagines a different life, most of the time he just deals with the one he has.
Timeline: none, see Author's Note.
Disclaimer: Just playing in the sandbox. I'll put my toys back when I've finished with them.
Really long author's note: AU! So, so, AU. I wanted to write a story that would subvert the usual dynamic between Kevin and Scotty. I wanted to have something where Kevin was the strong one, and Scotty had to lean on him. That kind of story necessitated making the things a little out of character, so I figured I might as well go all the way. It is short, a snapshot really. It stands alone, completely separate from my other fics, and is only loosely situated in the timeline of the series. This is not a happy story, you've been warned. I don't know why I wrote this, but it has been bouncing around in my head in various incarnations for over a year. This is not indicative of the sorts of things I usually write, but somehow it wrote itself anyway, as a kind of catharsis, I imagine.
*It is also potentially trigger-y for discussions of mental illness (although pretty vague and general.) Read at your own discretion.
Once, when he was filling out some mindless paperwork, Kevin had looked back over the form before signing it to see that in the blank space labeled ‘occupation’ he had written ‘Scotty.’ If he lived someone else’s life, he might have laughed as he crossed out his husband’s name and wrote ‘lawyer,’ but seeing as he lived the life he lived, it seemed oddly prescient, and unbearably bleak. Sure, he paid the bills by practicing law, but sometimes, a lot of the time, he felt like his real job was looking after Scotty.
If he were to say it aloud, ‘looking after Scotty,’ it would sound like his husband was an infant or a toddler, someone who needed to be fed and washed and minded. And he didn’t need to be minded, not like that. The vast majority of the time he made coffee, washed the dishes, dressed and shaved, and generally did the things Kevin had learned to call ‘activities of daily living.’ Some days they had a normal marriage; Kevin would come home from work and Scotty would have dinner on the table, or they’d spend the evening with his family and no one would look at him strangely.
Kevin sometimes had a hard time remembering this, even though he always made a concerted effort to do so. On a sunny afternoon when they were walking through the park hand in hand, or during quiet domestic moments when they were curled up in front of the TV together he would close his eyes for a brief second and say to himself ‘remember this.’ During dark moments when he was hiding the knives or pleading with his husband to get out of bed, he would try to conjure up these happy memories.
He did not think of his husband as a burden, at least not in the way people meant. Scotty was Scotty, and that was that. Kevin knew what he was getting himself into when he married him. He might never admit it, but there were moments when he imagined what his life would be like if things were different. He imagined a Scotty who didn’t have that haunted look in his eyes, a Scotty who didn’t pace the kitchen floor for hours, a Scotty who was balanced and happy.
He used to live his life mired in the terror of hope. Hope that tomorrow, next week, next month would be better, that one day they would wake up and Scotty would be alright. He had a kind of imagined alternate Scotty in his head, and sometimes it felt like anything less than that imagined ideal was a disaster. He didn’t think that way anymore. It was exhausting, and it wasn’t worth it. He had sat in on enough therapy sessions to know that this was all-or-nothing thinking, what therapists called a ‘cognitive distortion.’
So he no longer imagined a different life for himself. He loved his husband the way he was. Scotty was Scotty, and that was that.
Author: Sleepykraken
Characters:Kevin, Scotty
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sometimes Kevin imagines a different life, most of the time he just deals with the one he has.
Timeline: none, see Author's Note.
Disclaimer: Just playing in the sandbox. I'll put my toys back when I've finished with them.
Really long author's note: AU! So, so, AU. I wanted to write a story that would subvert the usual dynamic between Kevin and Scotty. I wanted to have something where Kevin was the strong one, and Scotty had to lean on him. That kind of story necessitated making the things a little out of character, so I figured I might as well go all the way. It is short, a snapshot really. It stands alone, completely separate from my other fics, and is only loosely situated in the timeline of the series. This is not a happy story, you've been warned. I don't know why I wrote this, but it has been bouncing around in my head in various incarnations for over a year. This is not indicative of the sorts of things I usually write, but somehow it wrote itself anyway, as a kind of catharsis, I imagine.
*It is also potentially trigger-y for discussions of mental illness (although pretty vague and general.) Read at your own discretion.
Once, when he was filling out some mindless paperwork, Kevin had looked back over the form before signing it to see that in the blank space labeled ‘occupation’ he had written ‘Scotty.’ If he lived someone else’s life, he might have laughed as he crossed out his husband’s name and wrote ‘lawyer,’ but seeing as he lived the life he lived, it seemed oddly prescient, and unbearably bleak. Sure, he paid the bills by practicing law, but sometimes, a lot of the time, he felt like his real job was looking after Scotty.
If he were to say it aloud, ‘looking after Scotty,’ it would sound like his husband was an infant or a toddler, someone who needed to be fed and washed and minded. And he didn’t need to be minded, not like that. The vast majority of the time he made coffee, washed the dishes, dressed and shaved, and generally did the things Kevin had learned to call ‘activities of daily living.’ Some days they had a normal marriage; Kevin would come home from work and Scotty would have dinner on the table, or they’d spend the evening with his family and no one would look at him strangely.
Kevin sometimes had a hard time remembering this, even though he always made a concerted effort to do so. On a sunny afternoon when they were walking through the park hand in hand, or during quiet domestic moments when they were curled up in front of the TV together he would close his eyes for a brief second and say to himself ‘remember this.’ During dark moments when he was hiding the knives or pleading with his husband to get out of bed, he would try to conjure up these happy memories.
He did not think of his husband as a burden, at least not in the way people meant. Scotty was Scotty, and that was that. Kevin knew what he was getting himself into when he married him. He might never admit it, but there were moments when he imagined what his life would be like if things were different. He imagined a Scotty who didn’t have that haunted look in his eyes, a Scotty who didn’t pace the kitchen floor for hours, a Scotty who was balanced and happy.
He used to live his life mired in the terror of hope. Hope that tomorrow, next week, next month would be better, that one day they would wake up and Scotty would be alright. He had a kind of imagined alternate Scotty in his head, and sometimes it felt like anything less than that imagined ideal was a disaster. He didn’t think that way anymore. It was exhausting, and it wasn’t worth it. He had sat in on enough therapy sessions to know that this was all-or-nothing thinking, what therapists called a ‘cognitive distortion.’
So he no longer imagined a different life for himself. He loved his husband the way he was. Scotty was Scotty, and that was that.