what sucks the most...
the whole ucla deal didn't work out...which is sad, mostly because i have no idea how to tell my parents (my dad almost wanted this more than me. not to say that i didn't--i really really did--but this is what he says to me two weeks ago: "if you get into ucla, we're going to go out and celebrate and have a great big fancy dinner." and i say, "what about the other schools?" and he did a little hand-wave thing and was like "oh those too. but especially ucla.")
i'm not the type who tells my parents everything, as i'm sure i've made clear before. but i'm really not the type who is emotional in front of my parents--i'm the stable one, the one who does everything right and never breaks down and is STRONG for everyone. i can't remember the last time i cried in front of them or was really emotional and...i guess honest. like saying straight out: this sucks, i'm confused, and i'm also scared because no matter how much i want to go away from home and move out, it's final now: the closest i'll be is santa barbara, unless i have to end up going to a community college. it's that final. but i can't say that, because i've been so upbeat, so sure, so positive and happy and wanting to move out for more than a year. it's so humiliating. i can totally tell you guys this and it's ok and you understand, but i don't want to lose face in front of my parents. so they still don't know, and i don't know how the hell to tell them.
that's what sucks the most.
i'm not the type who tells my parents everything, as i'm sure i've made clear before. but i'm really not the type who is emotional in front of my parents--i'm the stable one, the one who does everything right and never breaks down and is STRONG for everyone. i can't remember the last time i cried in front of them or was really emotional and...i guess honest. like saying straight out: this sucks, i'm confused, and i'm also scared because no matter how much i want to go away from home and move out, it's final now: the closest i'll be is santa barbara, unless i have to end up going to a community college. it's that final. but i can't say that, because i've been so upbeat, so sure, so positive and happy and wanting to move out for more than a year. it's so humiliating. i can totally tell you guys this and it's ok and you understand, but i don't want to lose face in front of my parents. so they still don't know, and i don't know how the hell to tell them.
that's what sucks the most.