[FIC] don't worry: part one. sakumoto angst. nc-17. 13,342 words.
Title: Don't Worry
Group: Arashi
Pairing/Genre: Sho/Jun, angst
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 13,342 words
Summary: Their physical relationship doesn't mean Jun's still in love with Sho, but that doesn't stop him from worrying.
Notes: This is an extremely belated help-haiti fic, for astrangerenters who did a wonderful thing and donated $35 to the American Red Cross Haiti relief efforts. I promised "more than 1500 words", so hopefully the 13k word count makes up for the incredible amount of time I made her wait. Thank you to maiaide and waxrose for giving me feedback when I needed it, even if I ended up not changing anything.
The first time it happened, it could have been an accident.
It was the last day for a couple of staff on VS Arashi, and since they had been there from the beginning, there was a big get-together after shooting that night. Not everyone could make it, but Jun was pleased that Sho and Nino made time despite their hectic schedules to join them for a farewell dinner. Nino begged off early, citing an early start and a packed day, and Jun fully expected Sho to do the same.
They were all busy at the moment, of course, but Sho was really extending himself with The Quiz Show; most days, Jun wasn't sure how he found the time to remember to shower let alone anything else. Usually, Jun put it down to Sho's ability to prioritize, but spending a few hours at a party for someone Sho didn't know that well seemed like a definite misuse of time. Jun left Sho to make his own decisions, though, and instead silently counted the number of beers Sho knocked back.
After the fifth beer, and with all the food people had put on his plate left untouched, Jun decided to say something. It wasn't that he didn't think Sho couldn't handle himself - Jun loved the kind of drunk Sho was - but he didn't want Sho to embarrass himself in front of people who didn't know him well enough. He made his way quietly around the table and put his hand on Sho's shoulder. Sho was in the middle of an incredibly embarrassing story about him, Aiba, and the ladies' toilets at TV Asahi, but stopped abruptly at the pressure on his shoulder and looked up at Jun. Jun smiled at Sho's drunken myopia and excused them both from the conversation and the private room.
Jun steered Sho down the hallway and into the bathroom. They were in a quiet corner of the restaurant, so Jun was fairly sure there wouldn't be any intruders, but the solitude made Sho a little skeptical. Jun could see it on his face and spoke before there were any questions. "So, how are you doing, Sho-chan?"
It didn't exactly make the clouds clear, but Sho shrugged lightly. "Pretty good. It's nice to get out for a change. I've been feeling all cooped up lately, between work and... more work." Jun knew not to be fooled by the lucidity of Sho's speech and lack of a drunken slur; what held the truth to Sho's level of sobriety was the way his eyes flicked all over Jun's face.
"That's good. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. I couldn't help but notice you weren't eating anything, though. Food not that good?" It was a stupid question to ask - Arashi had rules against questioning eating habits for a reason - and Sho's features darkened as he crossed his arms over his chest. Jun blamed the alcohol in his own system for the miscalculation, but couldn't exactly take it back.
"I'm not hungry." It was a blatant lie, Jun knew, because he hadn't seen Sho eat all day.
"You seem pretty thirsty," Jun said, again before thinking through any of the words. Sho opened his mouth to say something and Jun held up a hand. "It's none of my business, I know."
Sho didn't say anything for a moment, and in the awkward silence Jun could feel his eyes dotting around his face, over his arms and chest, before returning to catch Jun's gaze. "I just wanted to get a little drunk. Let off a bit of steam. Not the time and place, I know, but it was too easy."
Jun smiled. He understood - of course he did, he was at the same crazed two-week mark of his own drama-induced insanity - and he couldn't really blame Sho, but still.... "Next time, let me know when you want to get drunk. I stocked up on alcohol when I heard I was going to be Vito, and my door is always open. It closes better than the ones around here, too."
When Jun heard the words play back in his head, he expected Sho to call him an idiot, or crack a joke, or at least laugh at him a little, because the proposition left room for far more sexual innuendo than he had intended. None of those things happened. Instead, Sho darted his eyes across Jun's face - eyes, nose, mouth, eyes - and took a step forward. "I might just like that," he murmured, and Jun didn't even have enough time to register the tangy smell of beer on his breath before Sho grabbed his shirt, leaned in, and pressed a firm kiss to his mouth.
Jun didn't move for a moment, paralyzed with shock, as his brain raced to decide what he thought about it. There wasn't time for his brain, though, as Sho pressed insistently closer and nudged his tongue up against Jun's shut lips. Jun had no choice but to abandon any hope of coherent thought and let his body react, which it did enthusiastically in the positive, allowing Sho to deepen the kiss as his eyes fluttered closed.
Arashi were used to fooling around with one another occasionally, for many different reasons and to varying degrees of awkwardness, but Jun had never gone there with Sho. He was careful with Sho, not because he didn't think he would be up for it (not after Sho and Nino's PDA Rampage of 2003 terrorized everyone) but because Jun had always been acutely aware of his own feelings for Sho, even if they had been dormant for years. And if there was anything that could ruin Arashi's ability to casually fool around, it was feelings getting hurt.
Right now, though, there wasn't anything emotional going on for Jun in the slightest. It was all tongues and teeth and heat, and Sho was unbuttoning his shirt so there was no way he was stopping himself from reaching for Sho's belt just to consider hypothetical emotional ramifications. The blood pounding past his ears drowned out any doubts from the back of his mind and Jun let Sho push him back against a wall, gasping back a breath as Sho's mouth traced a line down his jaw to his neck.
Neither of them wasted any time in moving things along; they were both experts in clandestine affairs and understood the need for brevity in more public situations. Sho finished unbuttoning Jun's shirt and moved on quickly, dragging his fingernails lightly over the heated skin as he made his way to Jun's jeans. Jun fumbled the last button on Sho's jeans at the sensation, but picked himself up quickly the next moment, standing to his full height as he slid his fingers beneath the waistband of Sho's underwear, nudging both layers of material down over Sho's hips and ass.
Sho removed himself from the strategic spot just beneath Jun's hairline behind his ear that he had been attempting to mark, a quiet gasp at the rush of cool air around him. Jun took the time the movement afforded him to glance down between them; it wasn't the first time he'd seen Sho naked, but there was something indescribably sexy about Sho's half-hard cock barely inches from his own growing erection, still trapped behind underwear and a zipper that Sho had still failed to negotiate.
As Sho leaned in for a kiss, Jun grabbed a handful of Sho's ass with one hand, the other hand tracing a line over his hipbone before dipping to curl fully around his length. Sho gasped again, and Jun smirked into the half-kiss, tightening his grip just slightly as he ran his fist experimentally over Sho's cock, his smirk flashing into a grin as he felt it get harder and heavier in his hand. The noise that escaped Sho's throat was guttural and erotic and went straight to Jun's dick, which twitched beneath too many layers of material and Sho's unhelpful hands.
Frustrated, Jun moved back from the half-hearted attempt at a kiss, and moved both hands to rest on Sho's hips. Bereft of contact, Sho mumbled something that sounded vaguely like "what are you doing", but Jun didn't bother answering. Instead, he slid to his knees, trapping himself between the wall and Sho's legs, and he was pretty sure that he'd answered the question even before he slid one hand to grasp the base of Sho's cock. Sho made a strangled sort of noise and braced himself against the wall as Jun managed to unzip his jeans and push them and his underwear roughly down just enough to free himself. He let out a relieved sigh as he wrapped his fingers comfortably around his own cock, and he could only guess that the breath ghosted over Sho's sensitive skin as a hand tangled firmly in his hair.
Jun smirked to himself, briefly flicking his eyes upward to catch Sho's half-lidded ones before he leaned in, running his tongue flat across the head of Sho's cock once experimentally. He brought his tongue back to his mouth and savored the salty taste of pre-come and the sound of Sho's ragged breathing for a moment before leaning in again. This time, he licked long, wet trails up and down the length before he took a breath, shut his eyes, and wrapped his lips around Sho's cock and set a slow but steady pace, the hand around his own erection following along.
It wasn't long before Sho's grip on Jun's hair began to tighten and his hips seemed to tremble as his willpower to keep from rocking into the sensation weakened. Jun shifted one hand from the base of Sho's cock to his pelvic bone, pulling back just long enough to breathe, "Don't hold back." Sho blinked down at him, confused in the haze of lost momentum. Jun smiled and repeated himself, waiting for the cloud over Sho's expression to clear before returning to the task at hand.
It took a moment to get back up to speed, but when they were moving in synch once again, Sho followed Jun's instructions perfectly. The grip in Jun's hair tightened just slightly, fingernails scraping over his scalp, and Sho let his hips move a little more freely. Soon Jun didn't need to meet Sho's movements at all, and he kept his head as steady as possible, jerking himself off at the same pace that Sho fucked his mouth.The little gasps and swallowed noises at the back of Sho's throat began to turn Jun on more than his own practiced hand, and the seconds ticked faster by as the moment came tumbling to an end. Sho cut off a groan as he came, straight down Jun's throat, almost choking him; in retaliation, Jun mercilessly hummed his way through his own orgasm, lips still wrapped around Sho's spent cock. Sho gasped and jumped back at the sensation, almost knocking himself off-balance, which only made Jun laugh breathlessly.
Sho tried to frown but it didn't really work; the mood had been broken by Jun's laugh, and there wasn't much left to do but wipe up with some paper towels and get back to the party before anyone came looking for them. They were silent as they cleaned up, but not uncomfortably so, and Jun didn't bother analyzing it. Analyzing previous trysts with other members of Arashi had only resulted in awkwardness, and Jun didn't want to start down that path with Sho. Instead, he just smiled when Sho held the bathroom door open for him and they spent the rest of the evening amicably at opposite ends of the table.
It almost could have been an accident.
---
The second time it happened, there was no way it was an accident.
It had been a late night shooting and Jun had only just gotten home. He'd had enough time to have a quick shower and pour himself a glass of wine, but hadn't even gotten out of the kitchen when the doorbell rang. He went automatically to the front door, looking through the peep-hole to see Sho's unmistakable forehead before opening the door, too tired to care that he wasn't wearing a shirt and still had damp hair.
Sho burst through the door with more energy than Jun had been prepared to deal with, so he stumbled back up out of the genkan, only just managing to keep the red wine from spilling. Sho's eyes were wide and frenzied but entirely sober, and it was clear that he had just come from filming, too, because his hair was still coiffed within an inch of its life. Jun would have laughed if Sho eyes hadn't tracked a pointed course from the glass of wine, up along his bare chest, before stopping at his lips. Jun took a breath to say something but Sho held up a hand to stop him, slipping out of his flip-flops and stumbling up into the hallway and backing Jun against the wall, his eyes not straying from Jun's mouth.
Jun knew what was going to happen; he felt every moment before it happened, but the foresight only paralyzed him, and he found he couldn't do anything as Sho pressed a hand to his waist and their eyes finally met. "Say no, or say nothing," Sho growled, the sound low in his throat; the whole moment was chilling in its intensity.
Jun's mind raced to take everything in as the seconds before the deal was off the table ticked by: Sho was clearly shaken, thrown off-kilter and he needed something to ground him. Jun didn't know that this was the answer - to whatever level "this" would take them - but if one of them had to be sure, Sho seemed convinced enough. Jun had to admit, for just a split-second as his eyes searched the dark pools of Sho's, that whether or not it would help, it was probably a bad idea, but with Sho's fingers flexing over his hipbone and breath ghosting hot and enticing over his skin, Jun found it very difficult to care. Misguided though he might have been in arriving at it, he found his answer before his time was up.
He didn't say anything, though, just took a long sip of wine before moving the glass safely to the sideboard. When he met Sho's eyes - dark and shockingly unfamiliar - he smiled out of the corner of his mouth, letting his lethargy press him further into the wall, a subtle hint of submission in his posture. Sho's eyes sparkled dangerously and he matched Jun's smirk for a second before leaning in and claiming his mouth altogether. Their lips crushed together and Sho pressed his body flush against Jun's, his knee insistently pushing Jun's thighs apart.
Jun responded in kind, sliding his hands beneath Sho's t-shirt, pushing it up until Sho couldn't ignore it and he lifted his arms and broke the kiss for just long enough to remove the offending material. Sho rushed back in the next moment, the kiss hungrier and he bit, licked, and moaned his way into Jun's mouth, fingers curving over Jun's hips, grasping for something Jun couldn't identify. All Jun could do was fight back, fingers scrabbling at Sho's zipper, clumsy with a feverish kiss he could barely control. He pushed Sho's jeans back roughly, shoving the material halfway over the curve of Sho's ass before grabbing handfuls of pliant flesh and tugging him closer, aligning their hips so that their clothed erections pressed exquisitely against one another.
The kiss collapsed, then, and Sho's mouth melted away, lips still firm along the line of Jun's jaw as he moaned and murmured "bedroom, now" heatedly against Jun's skin. Jun didn't want to move an inch, not with every single nerve ending so alive and Sho right there, but there were practicalities to consider, so he just nodded. With some effort, he untangled himself from Sho's limbs, slipped out, and led the way to his bedroom.
Jun had barely opened the door when Sho crowded him, spun him around and claimed his mouth all over again, both hands sliding the loose jersey material over his hips. The fact that Jun wasn't wearing underwear earned him a smirk beneath the kiss, Sho's eyes blinking open to catch Jun's as he pressed forward again, walking Jun back to the bed as his fingers wrapped firmly around the base of Jun's cock. Jun stumbled at the sensation, fingers catching over Sho's shoulders, thumbs digging into his collarbones as he caught his footing, pulling Sho closer still before they reached the bed.
The backs of Jun's knees hit the bed but Jun held fast for a moment, just enough time to slide his hands from Sho's shoulders and tug his jeans and underwear down in one motion. Jun broke the kiss as the material stuck at Sho's thighs, escaping Sho's touch as he sat down on the edge of the bed to remove the rest of Sho's clothing. Once pooled around his ankles, Sho kicked the material away, shuffling forward and Jun just smirked as Sho's erection bobbed towards him. Jun reached out - one hand curving over Sho's hip and the other grasping the base of Sho's cock as he prepared to lean in for a taste - but Sho pressed his fingertips to Jun's collarbone, stopping him without force. Jun glanced up to meet Sho's eyes, which this time were veiled with nothing but heat and desire, and Sho lifted his chin in a quick indication to the bed.
"On your knees, face in the pillows and if I hear a sound out of you I will leave a mark somewhere everyone can see." It was a threat, and a promise, and an order that Jun didn't want to disobey, and the words ran chills down his spine as all his blood seemed to rush to his dick. He nodded without saying anything - he was enjoying his own forced silence far too much to break it for verbal consent - and released his grip on Sho, running his thumb carelessly over the head of Sho's cock as he did so. Sho hissed out a breath to compose himself and Jun just closed his mouth over a grin as he pulled his legs up onto the bed and turned to crawl over to the pillows.
Jun heard more than saw Sho go through the drawer of his bedside table, the shadowy silhouette just outlined in the darkness of his peripheral vision as Jun sat back on his heels and lazily stroked himself, distracting his mind with his body. A few moments later, Sho dumped the condoms and lube on the bed before appearing, as though from thin air, pressed flush up against Jun's back, the sprung hardness of Sho's cock resting teasingly between his ass cheeks, the tip tracing a silky wet trail along his perineum. One hand curved over Jun's hip, the other over the back of the hand still lazily working at his cock, following it for a moment before moving both of their hands aside. Jun had to remind himself how to breathe.
"Much as I could watch you jerk off for hours," Sho mumbled, low against the back of Jun's ear, his voice rumbling through Jun's body. "I'm going to fuck you now." The words shot straight to Jun's cock, which twitched, pleading for attention. Jun could feel Sho's smirk on his shoulder blade, just as Sho curled his fingers around Jun's wrists and brought them together, pulling them forward to slide beneath the pillows. "And you're going to keep your hands here, and you're not going to make a sound."
Jun nodded, his hair still damp and clinging to his neck and face as he tried to breathe as evenly as he could, but the sound of latex against skin and the cap on the lube snapping shut just heightened his senses. As far as he could tell, nothing existed beyond the blood rushing past his ears as Sho's index finger slipped its way between his cheeks, the rush of adrenaline through his veins as it found and massaged gently inside the ring of muscle, and the spike of tension low in his abdomen as another finger slid inside, pulling softly and encouraging Jun's body to open wider. There was no room for thought, but in a brief lucid moment Jun considered himself lucky that he had always trusted Sho.
And while he'd never thought his trust would have to reach this far, he was glad it did, especially as Sho removed his fingers and replaced them, quickly and without preamble, with his cock. Jun swallowed back a surprised noise, clutching at the sheets beneath his fingers and pressing his face into the pillows as Sho buried himself deeper, tugging back on Jun's hips at the very last moment. Sho let out a low groan as he found he could go no further, his breathing sounding almost as ragged as Jun's felt rasping from his throat. Sho stayed like that a moment, and Jun could tell from the way his fingers trembled even as they gripped his hipbones that he was not holding back for his own sake. As much as Sho had surprised him, Jun was quick to relax into the sensations and he pushed back roughly, baring his teeth against the pillow in a grin as Sho grunted.
"Greedy," Sho ground out, though he didn't sound displeased. He pulled back, fingers flexing before settling firmly on Jun's hips, and Jun counted a single heartbeat before Sho pushed forward again, setting an even and steady pace. It was a half-beat too slow, though, and Jun longed to make some sort of noise to register his complaint, but there was nothing he could do but push back eagerly to meet Sho's thrusts. Sho noticed - of course he noticed - but kept at his excruciating pace until Jun was sure the stars in front of his vision weren't from pleasure but frustration.
Jun was on the verge of opening his mouth to say something when Sho switched angles, reaching forward to brace himself on the wall and speeding his movements incrementally until all Jun could feel was the heady rush of friction, his blood running hot in his veins and he couldn't stand it, he had to reach one hand back to touch himself. He didn't make it, though; a slap stung him on the side of his hip and stopped him in his tracks.
"No touching," Sho said breathlessly, slowing his pace again as his fingers shifted, palming and grabbing Jun's ass, fingernails digging into the flesh each time he buried himself to the hilt. "If you come," he continued, and Jun had to reach back under the pillow to grab his own hand in restraint at the low, gravelly timbre of Sho's voice above him, "without touching yourself, I'll let you scream as loud as you want as your orgasm rips through you."
It was almost enough - the words and Sho's voice and his cock and his hand - but not quite, not yet, and Jun just nodded enthusiastically until Sho laughed quietly to himself and slipped a finger in alongside his cock as he sped up all over again. Jun caught a breath in the back of his throat, and he knew it was the beginning of the end. Sho's hips kept their rhythm as his finger searched, wriggling around inside Jun until he found what he was looking for.
Jun's body bucked involuntarily as his vision - black behind his eyelids closed against the pillows - spread white around the edges and he breathed in, breathed in because otherwise he'd make a noise, and all of a sudden everything became incredibly tense, every muscle and nerve stretched to breaking. It only lasted a second before it all collapsed, his lungs first as he ejected a raw and uninhibited moan into the space beneath him, his muscles giving out a moment later, his body falling limp against the mattress. There was nothing left to him except a sticky and spent mess, and he barely registered as Sho tugged his hips back up and pounded hard and fast into him, hauling himself over the edge with a moan that sounded like relief. Sho's arm gave out at the last moment and he fell, limbless, against Jun's back, but Jun couldn't find it within himself to care.
Neither of them said anything for a moment, just breathing heavily and out of sync to get their heartbeats back to normal. It was quiet and peaceful and warm, and Jun didn't really want to say anything - not until the feeling came back to his skin and he realized that not only was Sho lying heavily on top of him, but also still buried inside him. "Sho," he murmured after a while, his voice rough with disuse. The noise seemed to jolt Sho back into a state of consciousness, and he groaned with the effort of moving as he pulled away from Jun, stumbling over the edge of the bed to throw away the condom.
Jun slowly shifted from his position, the movement burning in so many delicious ways, and helpfully put the condoms and lube back on the bedside table so that he wouldn't fall asleep on them. He turned when he felt the bed dip with Sho's weight again; Sho looked exhausted, but himself, and Jun smiled at his half-lidded eyes. "Do you want to-" Jun was about to suggest a shower, but Sho caught him around the chest and tackled him lazily to the bed.
"No," Sho replied flatly, kicking the dirty bed spread down and pulling up the sheets haphazardly. "I just want to sleep." Then he grabbed Jun around the waist and pulled him close, forcing the little spoon position on him.
"Alright," Jun murmured, running his hand over the one Sho had rested over his navel. As long as Sho was feeling better, he didn't really mind anything: being the little spoon, forgoing a shower in favor of sleep, any of it. He relaxed into the mattress and back into Sho, and as his limbs began to feel heavy all over again, he felt Sho's breath tickle the back of his neck.
"Thank you."
---
The third time it happened, it was different.
Only a day had passed since the last time, and Jun had only just managed to change the sheets - the others balled in a corner of the room because it wasn't quite laundry day but close enough - when the doorbell rang. He didn't really expect it to be Sho, but when it was Sho on the other side the peep-hole, Jun couldn't say he was surprised.
This time when he opened the door, Sho didn't scare him back into the hallway. He didn't even step into the genkan at first, just looked up at Jun with a drawn expression and a question in his eyes. There was no heat, though, no fire that would be dangerous to play with, so Jun nodded and stepped aside to let him in. Sho took his time, moving as though through water, removing his shoes as Jun closed and bolted the door. Once that was done, Sho looked up and there were still questions, ones Jun couldn't even fathom let alone answer, and they stared at each other for a moment before Jun spoke up.
"Do you want something to eat? Drink?" It was a roundabout way of asking if Sho wanted to talk about something, a code Arashi had accidentally invented over the years: if the responder wanted to eat, he wanted to talk; if he wanted to drink, he wanted to avoid. They had a whole double vocabulary around it, saying things like "I don't have anything to eat" if they didn't have enough emotional capacity to handle talking; this time, Jun had made the offer and he only had to wait for a response.
"Do you have any beer?" Jun could have guessed the answer, but he didn't comment.
"I'll have a look. Go find something on television." Sho nodded at that and shuffled down the hallway towards the living room. Jun went to the kitchen and managed to find some beer at the back of his fridge, pouring himself another glass of chardonnay at the same time. Food was never compulsory when eating implied talking, but alcohol was always necessary when drinking implied avoiding.
When Jun got to the living room, he found Sho bunched up in the corner of his couch, looking eerily like Nino in a particularly sulky mood. Curiosity burned in his throat, so he cleared it and handed Sho the beer, sitting down beside him. "Thanks," Sho mumbled, unfolding a little. "Cheers," he said more decisively, tilting his bottle towards Jun.
Jun smiled and clinked the delicate wine glass against the neck of Sho's beer bottle. "Cheers," he echoed, settling back and tucking his feet under him. The silence was comfortable, the television just entertaining enough, and after they had finished their second round, Jun felt much more relaxed about everything.
There was something going on in Sho's life, that much was certain, and Jun didn't know what it was because he hadn't been invited to ask about it, but he liked that he could help. As far as Jun knew, Sho usually sought out... well, any of the other members for help, and it was nice to be needed for this. Even though he still wasn't entirely sure what "this" was. There was a lot at stake, of course - relationship balance within Arashi was complicated at best and precarious at worst - but Jun wasn't worried; he trusted that he would stop if it got out of hand, and that Sho would respect his decision.
That, and it was really difficult to turn down amazing sex for no good reason.
"You okay?" Sho's voice cut through Jun's wandering mind and Jun nearly spilled his last drops of wine in surprise.
"Yeah," he said, clearing his throat and running a hand through the back of his hair to cool his neck. "Fine, just... daydreaming." There was something odd in Sho's features: a non-existent smirk hiding behind his eyes in an expression that Jun thought only Nino could pull off. Jun opted to change the subject. "Another drink?"
Sho shook his head and took Jun's wine glass, putting it on the side table beside him. "No," he said, his smirk manifesting on his mouth. "I think we're done drinking."
Sho rushed forward then, but kiss that followed was soft, tender, and completely unlike before. It was so disorienting that Jun pulled back, opening his eyes to search Sho's, looking for anything that could hurt him. He'd been careful to rationalize before, writing off their previous experiences as moments of heat and lust that had nothing to do with things as messy as emotions, but this was different. A tender kiss could mean the world, but while Jun's heart had jumped into his throat, Sho's eyes hadn't changed. There was a duller version of the heat from the other night, cool-burning embers of something much more fierce, but that was all. Nothing more was going to happen tonight, Jun could tell, and it didn't have to mean anything.
Jun swallowed back his heart and leaned forward into a new kiss. He would deal with the ramifications later. For now, it was just easy to press his lips against Sho's, their tongues meeting chastely between them, breathing out a relaxed sigh as Sho lowered them both back onto the couch. It was comfortable, warm with Sho's weight on top of him and cool with Sho's feet against his ankles, and after a few moments he had forgotten what he was worried about. A few moments after that, Jun had forgotten that he had been worried to begin with, and honestly couldn't remember what he should be doing apart from running his fingers through Sho's hair and enjoying one of the longest, sweetest make out sessions he'd ever had.
(The title did, and probably would always, belong to Aiba, as much as Jun didn't like to admit it. He liked to think he'd had fulfilling physical and emotional experiences with people who weren't work colleagues, but his top ten list was frighteningly saturated with people he'd worked with.)
There was no heat in the moment, just a calming warmth, and it tapered off naturally after a while. Sho pulled away for long enough to smile down at Jun before he buried his face in Jun's shoulder with a long sigh. "Thank you," he mumbled into the crook of Jun's neck and Jun just laughed quietly, sliding his fingers out of Sho's hair and down to his shoulder blades.
"Any time," he said, rubbing his palms over Sho's back for a moment before the reality of Sho's weight started to sink in. "Would you like to sleep in a bed, perhaps? With a mattress instead of a bony pop idol to sleep on?"
Sho snorted inelegantly into Jun's shoulder and pushed himself up. "There are so many things I could say to that...." Jun rolled his eyes and shoved Sho into the back of the couch. Sho just laughed and slowly extracted himself, holding out a hand for Jun when he stood. Jun took it and lifted himself to standing in one fluid movement, moving to take the empty glassware into the kitchen. "Are you sure you don't mind?" Sho asked as an afterthought, stopping Jun before he left.
"Of course not," Jun said, but his heart did a nervous hiccup. "But we're not having sex again because I don't have that many extra sets of sheets." This time his heart froze and he really hoped Sho didn't want to forget it ever happened.
But Sho laughed, and Jun relaxed. "Don't worry," Sho said, and Jun could practically hear the unspoken 'that's not what tonight is about'. "You'll know when you're going to need to change your sheets." The words spoke volumes about Sho's expectations, but Jun wasn't going to start that discussion. He could think about it later.
"Well, I'm going to put these in the kitchen. You can borrow some clothes for bed if you want." The smirk on Sho's face told Jun all he needed to know about Sho's bedroom attire, so he rolled his eyes and left the room. "I'll see you in there."
Jun's mind raced as he lay in bed that night, Sho's light snoring the only sound in the room, but he found it difficult to latch onto any train of thought, so he fell asleep confused and unresolved. Things tended to work themselves out overnight, though, and despite still having unanswered questions, when Jun looked over at Sho lying sprawled and half-naked in his bed the next morning, he felt nothing but relaxed. There was no tightness in his chest and no emotions warping his mind, so there was nothing to worry about.
"Wake up lazy bones," Jun mumbled, nudging Sho's sleeping form. "Our production meeting is in an hour."
PART TWO
Group: Arashi
Pairing/Genre: Sho/Jun, angst
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 13,342 words
Summary: Their physical relationship doesn't mean Jun's still in love with Sho, but that doesn't stop him from worrying.
Notes: This is an extremely belated help-haiti fic, for astrangerenters who did a wonderful thing and donated $35 to the American Red Cross Haiti relief efforts. I promised "more than 1500 words", so hopefully the 13k word count makes up for the incredible amount of time I made her wait. Thank you to maiaide and waxrose for giving me feedback when I needed it, even if I ended up not changing anything.
The first time it happened, it could have been an accident.
It was the last day for a couple of staff on VS Arashi, and since they had been there from the beginning, there was a big get-together after shooting that night. Not everyone could make it, but Jun was pleased that Sho and Nino made time despite their hectic schedules to join them for a farewell dinner. Nino begged off early, citing an early start and a packed day, and Jun fully expected Sho to do the same.
They were all busy at the moment, of course, but Sho was really extending himself with The Quiz Show; most days, Jun wasn't sure how he found the time to remember to shower let alone anything else. Usually, Jun put it down to Sho's ability to prioritize, but spending a few hours at a party for someone Sho didn't know that well seemed like a definite misuse of time. Jun left Sho to make his own decisions, though, and instead silently counted the number of beers Sho knocked back.
After the fifth beer, and with all the food people had put on his plate left untouched, Jun decided to say something. It wasn't that he didn't think Sho couldn't handle himself - Jun loved the kind of drunk Sho was - but he didn't want Sho to embarrass himself in front of people who didn't know him well enough. He made his way quietly around the table and put his hand on Sho's shoulder. Sho was in the middle of an incredibly embarrassing story about him, Aiba, and the ladies' toilets at TV Asahi, but stopped abruptly at the pressure on his shoulder and looked up at Jun. Jun smiled at Sho's drunken myopia and excused them both from the conversation and the private room.
Jun steered Sho down the hallway and into the bathroom. They were in a quiet corner of the restaurant, so Jun was fairly sure there wouldn't be any intruders, but the solitude made Sho a little skeptical. Jun could see it on his face and spoke before there were any questions. "So, how are you doing, Sho-chan?"
It didn't exactly make the clouds clear, but Sho shrugged lightly. "Pretty good. It's nice to get out for a change. I've been feeling all cooped up lately, between work and... more work." Jun knew not to be fooled by the lucidity of Sho's speech and lack of a drunken slur; what held the truth to Sho's level of sobriety was the way his eyes flicked all over Jun's face.
"That's good. I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. I couldn't help but notice you weren't eating anything, though. Food not that good?" It was a stupid question to ask - Arashi had rules against questioning eating habits for a reason - and Sho's features darkened as he crossed his arms over his chest. Jun blamed the alcohol in his own system for the miscalculation, but couldn't exactly take it back.
"I'm not hungry." It was a blatant lie, Jun knew, because he hadn't seen Sho eat all day.
"You seem pretty thirsty," Jun said, again before thinking through any of the words. Sho opened his mouth to say something and Jun held up a hand. "It's none of my business, I know."
Sho didn't say anything for a moment, and in the awkward silence Jun could feel his eyes dotting around his face, over his arms and chest, before returning to catch Jun's gaze. "I just wanted to get a little drunk. Let off a bit of steam. Not the time and place, I know, but it was too easy."
Jun smiled. He understood - of course he did, he was at the same crazed two-week mark of his own drama-induced insanity - and he couldn't really blame Sho, but still.... "Next time, let me know when you want to get drunk. I stocked up on alcohol when I heard I was going to be Vito, and my door is always open. It closes better than the ones around here, too."
When Jun heard the words play back in his head, he expected Sho to call him an idiot, or crack a joke, or at least laugh at him a little, because the proposition left room for far more sexual innuendo than he had intended. None of those things happened. Instead, Sho darted his eyes across Jun's face - eyes, nose, mouth, eyes - and took a step forward. "I might just like that," he murmured, and Jun didn't even have enough time to register the tangy smell of beer on his breath before Sho grabbed his shirt, leaned in, and pressed a firm kiss to his mouth.
Jun didn't move for a moment, paralyzed with shock, as his brain raced to decide what he thought about it. There wasn't time for his brain, though, as Sho pressed insistently closer and nudged his tongue up against Jun's shut lips. Jun had no choice but to abandon any hope of coherent thought and let his body react, which it did enthusiastically in the positive, allowing Sho to deepen the kiss as his eyes fluttered closed.
Arashi were used to fooling around with one another occasionally, for many different reasons and to varying degrees of awkwardness, but Jun had never gone there with Sho. He was careful with Sho, not because he didn't think he would be up for it (not after Sho and Nino's PDA Rampage of 2003 terrorized everyone) but because Jun had always been acutely aware of his own feelings for Sho, even if they had been dormant for years. And if there was anything that could ruin Arashi's ability to casually fool around, it was feelings getting hurt.
Right now, though, there wasn't anything emotional going on for Jun in the slightest. It was all tongues and teeth and heat, and Sho was unbuttoning his shirt so there was no way he was stopping himself from reaching for Sho's belt just to consider hypothetical emotional ramifications. The blood pounding past his ears drowned out any doubts from the back of his mind and Jun let Sho push him back against a wall, gasping back a breath as Sho's mouth traced a line down his jaw to his neck.
Neither of them wasted any time in moving things along; they were both experts in clandestine affairs and understood the need for brevity in more public situations. Sho finished unbuttoning Jun's shirt and moved on quickly, dragging his fingernails lightly over the heated skin as he made his way to Jun's jeans. Jun fumbled the last button on Sho's jeans at the sensation, but picked himself up quickly the next moment, standing to his full height as he slid his fingers beneath the waistband of Sho's underwear, nudging both layers of material down over Sho's hips and ass.
Sho removed himself from the strategic spot just beneath Jun's hairline behind his ear that he had been attempting to mark, a quiet gasp at the rush of cool air around him. Jun took the time the movement afforded him to glance down between them; it wasn't the first time he'd seen Sho naked, but there was something indescribably sexy about Sho's half-hard cock barely inches from his own growing erection, still trapped behind underwear and a zipper that Sho had still failed to negotiate.
As Sho leaned in for a kiss, Jun grabbed a handful of Sho's ass with one hand, the other hand tracing a line over his hipbone before dipping to curl fully around his length. Sho gasped again, and Jun smirked into the half-kiss, tightening his grip just slightly as he ran his fist experimentally over Sho's cock, his smirk flashing into a grin as he felt it get harder and heavier in his hand. The noise that escaped Sho's throat was guttural and erotic and went straight to Jun's dick, which twitched beneath too many layers of material and Sho's unhelpful hands.
Frustrated, Jun moved back from the half-hearted attempt at a kiss, and moved both hands to rest on Sho's hips. Bereft of contact, Sho mumbled something that sounded vaguely like "what are you doing", but Jun didn't bother answering. Instead, he slid to his knees, trapping himself between the wall and Sho's legs, and he was pretty sure that he'd answered the question even before he slid one hand to grasp the base of Sho's cock. Sho made a strangled sort of noise and braced himself against the wall as Jun managed to unzip his jeans and push them and his underwear roughly down just enough to free himself. He let out a relieved sigh as he wrapped his fingers comfortably around his own cock, and he could only guess that the breath ghosted over Sho's sensitive skin as a hand tangled firmly in his hair.
Jun smirked to himself, briefly flicking his eyes upward to catch Sho's half-lidded ones before he leaned in, running his tongue flat across the head of Sho's cock once experimentally. He brought his tongue back to his mouth and savored the salty taste of pre-come and the sound of Sho's ragged breathing for a moment before leaning in again. This time, he licked long, wet trails up and down the length before he took a breath, shut his eyes, and wrapped his lips around Sho's cock and set a slow but steady pace, the hand around his own erection following along.
It wasn't long before Sho's grip on Jun's hair began to tighten and his hips seemed to tremble as his willpower to keep from rocking into the sensation weakened. Jun shifted one hand from the base of Sho's cock to his pelvic bone, pulling back just long enough to breathe, "Don't hold back." Sho blinked down at him, confused in the haze of lost momentum. Jun smiled and repeated himself, waiting for the cloud over Sho's expression to clear before returning to the task at hand.
It took a moment to get back up to speed, but when they were moving in synch once again, Sho followed Jun's instructions perfectly. The grip in Jun's hair tightened just slightly, fingernails scraping over his scalp, and Sho let his hips move a little more freely. Soon Jun didn't need to meet Sho's movements at all, and he kept his head as steady as possible, jerking himself off at the same pace that Sho fucked his mouth.The little gasps and swallowed noises at the back of Sho's throat began to turn Jun on more than his own practiced hand, and the seconds ticked faster by as the moment came tumbling to an end. Sho cut off a groan as he came, straight down Jun's throat, almost choking him; in retaliation, Jun mercilessly hummed his way through his own orgasm, lips still wrapped around Sho's spent cock. Sho gasped and jumped back at the sensation, almost knocking himself off-balance, which only made Jun laugh breathlessly.
Sho tried to frown but it didn't really work; the mood had been broken by Jun's laugh, and there wasn't much left to do but wipe up with some paper towels and get back to the party before anyone came looking for them. They were silent as they cleaned up, but not uncomfortably so, and Jun didn't bother analyzing it. Analyzing previous trysts with other members of Arashi had only resulted in awkwardness, and Jun didn't want to start down that path with Sho. Instead, he just smiled when Sho held the bathroom door open for him and they spent the rest of the evening amicably at opposite ends of the table.
It almost could have been an accident.
---
The second time it happened, there was no way it was an accident.
It had been a late night shooting and Jun had only just gotten home. He'd had enough time to have a quick shower and pour himself a glass of wine, but hadn't even gotten out of the kitchen when the doorbell rang. He went automatically to the front door, looking through the peep-hole to see Sho's unmistakable forehead before opening the door, too tired to care that he wasn't wearing a shirt and still had damp hair.
Sho burst through the door with more energy than Jun had been prepared to deal with, so he stumbled back up out of the genkan, only just managing to keep the red wine from spilling. Sho's eyes were wide and frenzied but entirely sober, and it was clear that he had just come from filming, too, because his hair was still coiffed within an inch of its life. Jun would have laughed if Sho eyes hadn't tracked a pointed course from the glass of wine, up along his bare chest, before stopping at his lips. Jun took a breath to say something but Sho held up a hand to stop him, slipping out of his flip-flops and stumbling up into the hallway and backing Jun against the wall, his eyes not straying from Jun's mouth.
Jun knew what was going to happen; he felt every moment before it happened, but the foresight only paralyzed him, and he found he couldn't do anything as Sho pressed a hand to his waist and their eyes finally met. "Say no, or say nothing," Sho growled, the sound low in his throat; the whole moment was chilling in its intensity.
Jun's mind raced to take everything in as the seconds before the deal was off the table ticked by: Sho was clearly shaken, thrown off-kilter and he needed something to ground him. Jun didn't know that this was the answer - to whatever level "this" would take them - but if one of them had to be sure, Sho seemed convinced enough. Jun had to admit, for just a split-second as his eyes searched the dark pools of Sho's, that whether or not it would help, it was probably a bad idea, but with Sho's fingers flexing over his hipbone and breath ghosting hot and enticing over his skin, Jun found it very difficult to care. Misguided though he might have been in arriving at it, he found his answer before his time was up.
He didn't say anything, though, just took a long sip of wine before moving the glass safely to the sideboard. When he met Sho's eyes - dark and shockingly unfamiliar - he smiled out of the corner of his mouth, letting his lethargy press him further into the wall, a subtle hint of submission in his posture. Sho's eyes sparkled dangerously and he matched Jun's smirk for a second before leaning in and claiming his mouth altogether. Their lips crushed together and Sho pressed his body flush against Jun's, his knee insistently pushing Jun's thighs apart.
Jun responded in kind, sliding his hands beneath Sho's t-shirt, pushing it up until Sho couldn't ignore it and he lifted his arms and broke the kiss for just long enough to remove the offending material. Sho rushed back in the next moment, the kiss hungrier and he bit, licked, and moaned his way into Jun's mouth, fingers curving over Jun's hips, grasping for something Jun couldn't identify. All Jun could do was fight back, fingers scrabbling at Sho's zipper, clumsy with a feverish kiss he could barely control. He pushed Sho's jeans back roughly, shoving the material halfway over the curve of Sho's ass before grabbing handfuls of pliant flesh and tugging him closer, aligning their hips so that their clothed erections pressed exquisitely against one another.
The kiss collapsed, then, and Sho's mouth melted away, lips still firm along the line of Jun's jaw as he moaned and murmured "bedroom, now" heatedly against Jun's skin. Jun didn't want to move an inch, not with every single nerve ending so alive and Sho right there, but there were practicalities to consider, so he just nodded. With some effort, he untangled himself from Sho's limbs, slipped out, and led the way to his bedroom.
Jun had barely opened the door when Sho crowded him, spun him around and claimed his mouth all over again, both hands sliding the loose jersey material over his hips. The fact that Jun wasn't wearing underwear earned him a smirk beneath the kiss, Sho's eyes blinking open to catch Jun's as he pressed forward again, walking Jun back to the bed as his fingers wrapped firmly around the base of Jun's cock. Jun stumbled at the sensation, fingers catching over Sho's shoulders, thumbs digging into his collarbones as he caught his footing, pulling Sho closer still before they reached the bed.
The backs of Jun's knees hit the bed but Jun held fast for a moment, just enough time to slide his hands from Sho's shoulders and tug his jeans and underwear down in one motion. Jun broke the kiss as the material stuck at Sho's thighs, escaping Sho's touch as he sat down on the edge of the bed to remove the rest of Sho's clothing. Once pooled around his ankles, Sho kicked the material away, shuffling forward and Jun just smirked as Sho's erection bobbed towards him. Jun reached out - one hand curving over Sho's hip and the other grasping the base of Sho's cock as he prepared to lean in for a taste - but Sho pressed his fingertips to Jun's collarbone, stopping him without force. Jun glanced up to meet Sho's eyes, which this time were veiled with nothing but heat and desire, and Sho lifted his chin in a quick indication to the bed.
"On your knees, face in the pillows and if I hear a sound out of you I will leave a mark somewhere everyone can see." It was a threat, and a promise, and an order that Jun didn't want to disobey, and the words ran chills down his spine as all his blood seemed to rush to his dick. He nodded without saying anything - he was enjoying his own forced silence far too much to break it for verbal consent - and released his grip on Sho, running his thumb carelessly over the head of Sho's cock as he did so. Sho hissed out a breath to compose himself and Jun just closed his mouth over a grin as he pulled his legs up onto the bed and turned to crawl over to the pillows.
Jun heard more than saw Sho go through the drawer of his bedside table, the shadowy silhouette just outlined in the darkness of his peripheral vision as Jun sat back on his heels and lazily stroked himself, distracting his mind with his body. A few moments later, Sho dumped the condoms and lube on the bed before appearing, as though from thin air, pressed flush up against Jun's back, the sprung hardness of Sho's cock resting teasingly between his ass cheeks, the tip tracing a silky wet trail along his perineum. One hand curved over Jun's hip, the other over the back of the hand still lazily working at his cock, following it for a moment before moving both of their hands aside. Jun had to remind himself how to breathe.
"Much as I could watch you jerk off for hours," Sho mumbled, low against the back of Jun's ear, his voice rumbling through Jun's body. "I'm going to fuck you now." The words shot straight to Jun's cock, which twitched, pleading for attention. Jun could feel Sho's smirk on his shoulder blade, just as Sho curled his fingers around Jun's wrists and brought them together, pulling them forward to slide beneath the pillows. "And you're going to keep your hands here, and you're not going to make a sound."
Jun nodded, his hair still damp and clinging to his neck and face as he tried to breathe as evenly as he could, but the sound of latex against skin and the cap on the lube snapping shut just heightened his senses. As far as he could tell, nothing existed beyond the blood rushing past his ears as Sho's index finger slipped its way between his cheeks, the rush of adrenaline through his veins as it found and massaged gently inside the ring of muscle, and the spike of tension low in his abdomen as another finger slid inside, pulling softly and encouraging Jun's body to open wider. There was no room for thought, but in a brief lucid moment Jun considered himself lucky that he had always trusted Sho.
And while he'd never thought his trust would have to reach this far, he was glad it did, especially as Sho removed his fingers and replaced them, quickly and without preamble, with his cock. Jun swallowed back a surprised noise, clutching at the sheets beneath his fingers and pressing his face into the pillows as Sho buried himself deeper, tugging back on Jun's hips at the very last moment. Sho let out a low groan as he found he could go no further, his breathing sounding almost as ragged as Jun's felt rasping from his throat. Sho stayed like that a moment, and Jun could tell from the way his fingers trembled even as they gripped his hipbones that he was not holding back for his own sake. As much as Sho had surprised him, Jun was quick to relax into the sensations and he pushed back roughly, baring his teeth against the pillow in a grin as Sho grunted.
"Greedy," Sho ground out, though he didn't sound displeased. He pulled back, fingers flexing before settling firmly on Jun's hips, and Jun counted a single heartbeat before Sho pushed forward again, setting an even and steady pace. It was a half-beat too slow, though, and Jun longed to make some sort of noise to register his complaint, but there was nothing he could do but push back eagerly to meet Sho's thrusts. Sho noticed - of course he noticed - but kept at his excruciating pace until Jun was sure the stars in front of his vision weren't from pleasure but frustration.
Jun was on the verge of opening his mouth to say something when Sho switched angles, reaching forward to brace himself on the wall and speeding his movements incrementally until all Jun could feel was the heady rush of friction, his blood running hot in his veins and he couldn't stand it, he had to reach one hand back to touch himself. He didn't make it, though; a slap stung him on the side of his hip and stopped him in his tracks.
"No touching," Sho said breathlessly, slowing his pace again as his fingers shifted, palming and grabbing Jun's ass, fingernails digging into the flesh each time he buried himself to the hilt. "If you come," he continued, and Jun had to reach back under the pillow to grab his own hand in restraint at the low, gravelly timbre of Sho's voice above him, "without touching yourself, I'll let you scream as loud as you want as your orgasm rips through you."
It was almost enough - the words and Sho's voice and his cock and his hand - but not quite, not yet, and Jun just nodded enthusiastically until Sho laughed quietly to himself and slipped a finger in alongside his cock as he sped up all over again. Jun caught a breath in the back of his throat, and he knew it was the beginning of the end. Sho's hips kept their rhythm as his finger searched, wriggling around inside Jun until he found what he was looking for.
Jun's body bucked involuntarily as his vision - black behind his eyelids closed against the pillows - spread white around the edges and he breathed in, breathed in because otherwise he'd make a noise, and all of a sudden everything became incredibly tense, every muscle and nerve stretched to breaking. It only lasted a second before it all collapsed, his lungs first as he ejected a raw and uninhibited moan into the space beneath him, his muscles giving out a moment later, his body falling limp against the mattress. There was nothing left to him except a sticky and spent mess, and he barely registered as Sho tugged his hips back up and pounded hard and fast into him, hauling himself over the edge with a moan that sounded like relief. Sho's arm gave out at the last moment and he fell, limbless, against Jun's back, but Jun couldn't find it within himself to care.
Neither of them said anything for a moment, just breathing heavily and out of sync to get their heartbeats back to normal. It was quiet and peaceful and warm, and Jun didn't really want to say anything - not until the feeling came back to his skin and he realized that not only was Sho lying heavily on top of him, but also still buried inside him. "Sho," he murmured after a while, his voice rough with disuse. The noise seemed to jolt Sho back into a state of consciousness, and he groaned with the effort of moving as he pulled away from Jun, stumbling over the edge of the bed to throw away the condom.
Jun slowly shifted from his position, the movement burning in so many delicious ways, and helpfully put the condoms and lube back on the bedside table so that he wouldn't fall asleep on them. He turned when he felt the bed dip with Sho's weight again; Sho looked exhausted, but himself, and Jun smiled at his half-lidded eyes. "Do you want to-" Jun was about to suggest a shower, but Sho caught him around the chest and tackled him lazily to the bed.
"No," Sho replied flatly, kicking the dirty bed spread down and pulling up the sheets haphazardly. "I just want to sleep." Then he grabbed Jun around the waist and pulled him close, forcing the little spoon position on him.
"Alright," Jun murmured, running his hand over the one Sho had rested over his navel. As long as Sho was feeling better, he didn't really mind anything: being the little spoon, forgoing a shower in favor of sleep, any of it. He relaxed into the mattress and back into Sho, and as his limbs began to feel heavy all over again, he felt Sho's breath tickle the back of his neck.
"Thank you."
---
The third time it happened, it was different.
Only a day had passed since the last time, and Jun had only just managed to change the sheets - the others balled in a corner of the room because it wasn't quite laundry day but close enough - when the doorbell rang. He didn't really expect it to be Sho, but when it was Sho on the other side the peep-hole, Jun couldn't say he was surprised.
This time when he opened the door, Sho didn't scare him back into the hallway. He didn't even step into the genkan at first, just looked up at Jun with a drawn expression and a question in his eyes. There was no heat, though, no fire that would be dangerous to play with, so Jun nodded and stepped aside to let him in. Sho took his time, moving as though through water, removing his shoes as Jun closed and bolted the door. Once that was done, Sho looked up and there were still questions, ones Jun couldn't even fathom let alone answer, and they stared at each other for a moment before Jun spoke up.
"Do you want something to eat? Drink?" It was a roundabout way of asking if Sho wanted to talk about something, a code Arashi had accidentally invented over the years: if the responder wanted to eat, he wanted to talk; if he wanted to drink, he wanted to avoid. They had a whole double vocabulary around it, saying things like "I don't have anything to eat" if they didn't have enough emotional capacity to handle talking; this time, Jun had made the offer and he only had to wait for a response.
"Do you have any beer?" Jun could have guessed the answer, but he didn't comment.
"I'll have a look. Go find something on television." Sho nodded at that and shuffled down the hallway towards the living room. Jun went to the kitchen and managed to find some beer at the back of his fridge, pouring himself another glass of chardonnay at the same time. Food was never compulsory when eating implied talking, but alcohol was always necessary when drinking implied avoiding.
When Jun got to the living room, he found Sho bunched up in the corner of his couch, looking eerily like Nino in a particularly sulky mood. Curiosity burned in his throat, so he cleared it and handed Sho the beer, sitting down beside him. "Thanks," Sho mumbled, unfolding a little. "Cheers," he said more decisively, tilting his bottle towards Jun.
Jun smiled and clinked the delicate wine glass against the neck of Sho's beer bottle. "Cheers," he echoed, settling back and tucking his feet under him. The silence was comfortable, the television just entertaining enough, and after they had finished their second round, Jun felt much more relaxed about everything.
There was something going on in Sho's life, that much was certain, and Jun didn't know what it was because he hadn't been invited to ask about it, but he liked that he could help. As far as Jun knew, Sho usually sought out... well, any of the other members for help, and it was nice to be needed for this. Even though he still wasn't entirely sure what "this" was. There was a lot at stake, of course - relationship balance within Arashi was complicated at best and precarious at worst - but Jun wasn't worried; he trusted that he would stop if it got out of hand, and that Sho would respect his decision.
That, and it was really difficult to turn down amazing sex for no good reason.
"You okay?" Sho's voice cut through Jun's wandering mind and Jun nearly spilled his last drops of wine in surprise.
"Yeah," he said, clearing his throat and running a hand through the back of his hair to cool his neck. "Fine, just... daydreaming." There was something odd in Sho's features: a non-existent smirk hiding behind his eyes in an expression that Jun thought only Nino could pull off. Jun opted to change the subject. "Another drink?"
Sho shook his head and took Jun's wine glass, putting it on the side table beside him. "No," he said, his smirk manifesting on his mouth. "I think we're done drinking."
Sho rushed forward then, but kiss that followed was soft, tender, and completely unlike before. It was so disorienting that Jun pulled back, opening his eyes to search Sho's, looking for anything that could hurt him. He'd been careful to rationalize before, writing off their previous experiences as moments of heat and lust that had nothing to do with things as messy as emotions, but this was different. A tender kiss could mean the world, but while Jun's heart had jumped into his throat, Sho's eyes hadn't changed. There was a duller version of the heat from the other night, cool-burning embers of something much more fierce, but that was all. Nothing more was going to happen tonight, Jun could tell, and it didn't have to mean anything.
Jun swallowed back his heart and leaned forward into a new kiss. He would deal with the ramifications later. For now, it was just easy to press his lips against Sho's, their tongues meeting chastely between them, breathing out a relaxed sigh as Sho lowered them both back onto the couch. It was comfortable, warm with Sho's weight on top of him and cool with Sho's feet against his ankles, and after a few moments he had forgotten what he was worried about. A few moments after that, Jun had forgotten that he had been worried to begin with, and honestly couldn't remember what he should be doing apart from running his fingers through Sho's hair and enjoying one of the longest, sweetest make out sessions he'd ever had.
(The title did, and probably would always, belong to Aiba, as much as Jun didn't like to admit it. He liked to think he'd had fulfilling physical and emotional experiences with people who weren't work colleagues, but his top ten list was frighteningly saturated with people he'd worked with.)
There was no heat in the moment, just a calming warmth, and it tapered off naturally after a while. Sho pulled away for long enough to smile down at Jun before he buried his face in Jun's shoulder with a long sigh. "Thank you," he mumbled into the crook of Jun's neck and Jun just laughed quietly, sliding his fingers out of Sho's hair and down to his shoulder blades.
"Any time," he said, rubbing his palms over Sho's back for a moment before the reality of Sho's weight started to sink in. "Would you like to sleep in a bed, perhaps? With a mattress instead of a bony pop idol to sleep on?"
Sho snorted inelegantly into Jun's shoulder and pushed himself up. "There are so many things I could say to that...." Jun rolled his eyes and shoved Sho into the back of the couch. Sho just laughed and slowly extracted himself, holding out a hand for Jun when he stood. Jun took it and lifted himself to standing in one fluid movement, moving to take the empty glassware into the kitchen. "Are you sure you don't mind?" Sho asked as an afterthought, stopping Jun before he left.
"Of course not," Jun said, but his heart did a nervous hiccup. "But we're not having sex again because I don't have that many extra sets of sheets." This time his heart froze and he really hoped Sho didn't want to forget it ever happened.
But Sho laughed, and Jun relaxed. "Don't worry," Sho said, and Jun could practically hear the unspoken 'that's not what tonight is about'. "You'll know when you're going to need to change your sheets." The words spoke volumes about Sho's expectations, but Jun wasn't going to start that discussion. He could think about it later.
"Well, I'm going to put these in the kitchen. You can borrow some clothes for bed if you want." The smirk on Sho's face told Jun all he needed to know about Sho's bedroom attire, so he rolled his eyes and left the room. "I'll see you in there."
Jun's mind raced as he lay in bed that night, Sho's light snoring the only sound in the room, but he found it difficult to latch onto any train of thought, so he fell asleep confused and unresolved. Things tended to work themselves out overnight, though, and despite still having unanswered questions, when Jun looked over at Sho lying sprawled and half-naked in his bed the next morning, he felt nothing but relaxed. There was no tightness in his chest and no emotions warping his mind, so there was nothing to worry about.
"Wake up lazy bones," Jun mumbled, nudging Sho's sleeping form. "Our production meeting is in an hour."
PART TWO