Bleh
Not feeling so great today. I feel a need to rush off to my room, shut the door and just bury my nose in my slowly growing collection of books. Today I feel like I just can't trust people to be there, to actually give a damn enough.... like I've completely switched off and just showing a blank screen.
It's all karma, really. I tend to grow distant from friends and push them away. It's a silly, destructive habit I've accumulated, but for now it's just how I cope.
Melbourne weather doesn't really lend itself to cheering one's self up so easily either. Lingering negativity tends to stay around a lot longer than it ought, and concocts more ways to stay longer than necessary. I long for summer here with clearer skies, long afternoon sunsets and cocktails on the porch.
It's really odd lately that I feel more alone with other people around than when I was in Tokyo living alone. People back in Australia are so switched off when they communicate with each other, and happiness is minute and has such a feeling of finiteness shared across a conversation. Even at home everyone here is so busy with their nose in their laptop screens or zombified by the TV that I wonder whether it's even worth trying to be social half the time.
I suppose I'll be the same once my nice shiny laptop arrives and then I can update this livejournal more than I have been, which has been incredibly rare as it is. I've been running so much stuff through my head lately that I don't even know where to start with it all, but I suppose that'll all change next week :) I have to take the day off so I can sign for it, since it can't be delivered to a post office and picked up on my behalf. I should know, since I've bought through Dell before :)
Anyway, i figure I should wrap it up about here and head off to my room. My other room mate just got home and I already start to feel uncomfortable sitting around next to him. No offense to him, but yeah....
later kidlets xoxo
It's all karma, really. I tend to grow distant from friends and push them away. It's a silly, destructive habit I've accumulated, but for now it's just how I cope.
Melbourne weather doesn't really lend itself to cheering one's self up so easily either. Lingering negativity tends to stay around a lot longer than it ought, and concocts more ways to stay longer than necessary. I long for summer here with clearer skies, long afternoon sunsets and cocktails on the porch.
It's really odd lately that I feel more alone with other people around than when I was in Tokyo living alone. People back in Australia are so switched off when they communicate with each other, and happiness is minute and has such a feeling of finiteness shared across a conversation. Even at home everyone here is so busy with their nose in their laptop screens or zombified by the TV that I wonder whether it's even worth trying to be social half the time.
I suppose I'll be the same once my nice shiny laptop arrives and then I can update this livejournal more than I have been, which has been incredibly rare as it is. I've been running so much stuff through my head lately that I don't even know where to start with it all, but I suppose that'll all change next week :) I have to take the day off so I can sign for it, since it can't be delivered to a post office and picked up on my behalf. I should know, since I've bought through Dell before :)
Anyway, i figure I should wrap it up about here and head off to my room. My other room mate just got home and I already start to feel uncomfortable sitting around next to him. No offense to him, but yeah....
later kidlets xoxo